“Maddy, what’s going on? Why haven’t you been in class for a week, and why did you move out of the dorms? I thought we had something, but then you went back to him. You told me that it was over and that I was the one you wanted and then, as soon as we get back, you leave me. You gave me my necklace back. You don’t know how bad that hurt me. I don’t know what’s going on, but I just need to tell you something I should have said two weeks ago. I love you, Madison Stevens.”
Oh my god. He just said he loved me! “Carter, I-”
I feel a hand grip me around my waist. FUCK! I look up and Chris is standing there. “I’m ready to leave. Let’s go.”
“Maddy, you don’t need to leave with him. He doesn’t own you. What were you about to say?” He is pleading with me once again, it’s just like last week.
Chris tugs me closer to him. “I told you to stay away from my girl, Carter. She doesn’t want you anymore. She made that pretty clear last week. Tell him you don’t want him so we can go home.”
Chris’ hand that is on my back flexes and his nails start to dig into my skin. I just kept replaying his threats over and over in my head. I can’t let him hurt Carter. I’d rather he took his anger out on me. I’m used to it.
“Carter, I’m with Chris now. I don’t want to be with you.” I can’t believe I am able to get those words out. His face breaks my heart all over again. He just told me that he loved me and I am leaving...again.
Chris laughs. “See, I told you that you weren’t wanted.”
That was so far from the truth. Carter just looks at me. “I’m sorry I bothered you. You look beautiful tonight, Maddy.” Then he walks away, taking every piece of my heart with him.
Chris leans down to whisper in my ear, “I fucking warned you. Let’s go home now.” I don’t even care what he is going to do to me. Nothing could be worse than what just happened. I barely remember leaving. I am just going through the motions because nothing really matters anymore.
Chris doesn’t say anything the whole way home. When we get to the house, he goes straight for his bottle of tequila, pours a glass, leans against the counter, and stares at me. After a couple minutes, I mumble that I am going to go get dressed for bed. When I come back out fifteen minutes later, half of the bottle of tequila is gone.
“Did you fuck him, you little whore?”
“What?” I could smell the alcohol on his breath from across the room, and I know tonight is going to be bad.
“Did you fuck Carter?”
Even if I had, I sure as hell wouldn’t tell him. “No, Chris, I didn’t. You know I’m still a virgin.”
“Even if nothing happened yet, you want him and he wants you and that’s not okay. You’re mine, Madison, and I don’t share my things! Do you want to fuck him, Madison?”
“No.” He fills up his glass before taking a couple of steps toward me.
“Good girl. You know I’ve been very patient with you, but I’m done waiting now. You’re going to prove to me that you want me and not him. If you don’t, I’ll go to his house and fucking kill him. Do you understand me?!” He is towering over me and I crouch in fear.
“Yes.” My voice is emotionless. The thought of Chris hurting him because of me is horrible. I know what Chris is getting at, but can I really do this? Will Carter even want me anymore if I do this? Maybe there is some way I can get out of this tonight.
“And if you ever try to leave me for him, I promise you’ll regret it.”
“Why, Chris? You could do so much better than someone like me.” I am praying that this will work. I see anger flash across his face, and it scares me down to the depths of my soul. He walks up to me and grabs my hand.
“I know I can, Madison, but that’s not the fucking point.” What the hell was the point, then? When he starts walking toward the bedroom, I think I might throw up.
Once we get into the bedroom, he slams the door and turns me around to face him. “Get undressed...now.”
“Chris, please, I don’t feel good. Please don’t do this tonight.”
He smacks me across the face so hard that I fall to the ground. “That wasn’t a fucking question! I don’t give a shit what you want! Get undressed now!”
I start to get undressed as my entire body is trembling. I can’t believe that this is my life. When I am finished, Chris throws me onto the bed.
I want to run or to yell for help, but I know it won’t do me any good. If I fight him, things will only get worse and with the amount of alcohol in his system, I know it would be really bad. Chris hovers over me and without any warning sinks himself into me. It hurts so much I start to cry silent tears. I try to block out what is happening to me, try to detach my soul from my body.
When that doesn’t work, all I can do is pretend. I imagine that it is Carter that is here with me and that he is touching me. He is telling me he loves me and that he’ll never leave me. He isn’t rough and it doesn’t hurt. Chris finishes inside of me, then rolls over. After a couple minutes, his breathing evens out and I can tell he’s passed out.
I let the reality of what just happened sink in. What am I doing? I need to be with Carter. I should have never left him there tonight. I am weak and scared, and I am letting fear ruin my life. I need to be stronger and I know if I stay with Chris, he’ll eventually end up killing me. Can I put Carter at risk, though? He told me before he’d always protect me.
I hope he meant it.
Chris is like fire. Pretty to look at, but if you get too close, you get burnt. If it isn’t controlled, it will destroy everything in its path. Doing what I am about to do with Carter is dangerous, but what can I do? I never had parents to warn me not to play with fire.
I wait another ten minutes, just to be sure he is passed out, then start putting my clothes on. I make my way outside and shut the door. FUCK! I forgot to grab my purse. I had no money, and no way to get to Carter’s house. I don’t know anyone’s phone number so even if I found a phone to use, I had no one to call. The only option was to walk, and it was about four miles to his house.
I just pray that when I get there, he is home.
And that he still wants me.
Chapter Twenty One
Carter
I get up from the couch because I hear knocking, although I contemplate not answering it at all. When I looked at the clock, I see that it is around two in the morning. I have no idea who the hell would be at my door this late. There is only one person I want to see, and she is with someone else.
When I finally get to the door and open it, no one is there. I take a step outside and see someone walking away. It is too dark to make out who it could be. Whoever it is, I’m not in the mood for company. All I want to do was go inside and wallow in self-pity.
I call out to them anyway, “Hey!” They turn around, and I swear my heart stops for a minute. “Maddy?”
As she starts walking toward me, she passes under a streetlight. She is in pajamas and looks like she is half-frozen. “What are you doing here? Are you okay?” She walks up to me, but never looks up once and I can’t see her face to help me figure out what is going on. “Maddy what’s-” She crushes her lips to mine with such force I almost fall over.
Before I can react, her hands are around my neck and running through my hair. I start to kiss her back and get lost in our love all over again, but then it hits me that she isn’t mine to love. I told Maddy that I wouldn’t be her secret and I meant it. If she is still with Chris, I can’t be with her.
I push away from her. “Let’s take this inside, okay?” She still hasn’t looked up at me. She just nods her head and starts to walk into the house. That’s when I notice that she only has slippers on. What is she doing out at this time in the morning, in the middle of winter, wearing pajamas and slippers?
I get her inside and shut the door, silently thanking God that I purchased one of those electric fireplaces. “Come, sit down and warm up.”