After coffee, Carter takes me to see his old school and there is a playground next to it. We play around on the swings and slide, and Carter makes fun of how I can’t make it all the way across on the monkey bars. When we are leaving, I run up behind him, jump on his back, and he carries me back to his car like that. When we get in, I turn to him. “Thank you so much for today, Carter. I’ve never been to the playground, and I’ve never had so much fun in my life.”
“You’ve never been to a playground?”
“No.” I can feel myself starting to give in to a memory. It feels like a mix of anxiety and fear gripping at my throat. I haven’t had an episode in such a long time. No, not right now.
My father is sitting in the living room watching TV. “Daddy, can you take me to the park?” All the other kids in school always talk about the park, but I never go. I just want to be like the other kids. “Daddy?”
He takes another drink and then he looks down at me. “Your mother could have taken you to the park, but you killed her.”
NO! I didn’t kill Mommy. A guy who was drinking did. Daddy drinks a lot and it scares me. “Daddy, please! I didn’t kill Mommy! I loved her!”
His hand hits my face and I fall down. “Get away from me. I can’t stand the sight of you.”
“Maddy!” Carter is shaking me and the look in his face is one of fear. I realize I have tears streaming down my face. He pulls me against him and starts stroking my hair. He pulls back and looks at my face. “What just happened?”
“I’m sorry. It was just a bad memory.”
“Was it about Chris?”
“No, my father.”
“Would you tell me about it, please?” I’ve never talked to anyone about my dad, but Carter makes me feel like I can tell him anything. After I tell him, he pulls me to him and we stay like this for a while. “You know that none of that was your fault, right?”
“For the longest time I didn’t, but I do now.”
Chapter Twenty Seven
Carter
This day is not going like I planned. First, Alyssa was at the coffee shop. I still can’t believe she is coming to Duke. I could tell Maddy was uncomfortable with the situation.
Then, the memory of her dad came after I’d cheered her up. I hate him for what he did to her, and I hate how much hurt she’s experienced in her life.
I take Maddy to one of my favorite seafood restaurants to try to salvage the day. I see her looking at the menu with a strange look on her face. It’s the one she makes when she doesn’t know what to do, but is too shy to ask. “What’s wrong?”
She looks up at me, with surprise. “How do you always know what I’m thinking, or when something is wrong?”
“Because I’m in love with you. It’s my job to know what you like and what you don’t. To understand what makes you uncomfortable and know how to fix it. I know what’s going on in your head before you even say it and what you need before you even tell me. You think you’re a burden to me, but you’re not. You’re everything. Now, what’s wrong, babe?”
Her smile is so big that I actually think her cheeks might crack. I love that I have the ability to put that smile on her face, and I make it my mission to make it happen more often. “That was probably one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard. I love you so much, Carter. To answer your original question, though, I’ve never been at a restaurant like this before and I have no idea what to order.”
I forgot how little she’s experienced. It makes me so mad to think about how shitty her life has been. She deserves everything, but has absolutely nothing. She never even got to enjoy most of the basic experiences normal people did, because no one ever cared enough to give them to her.
That is in the past, though, and I am going to enjoy giving her all these new experiences. “I do believe this will be yet another first that belongs to me, then. If you want, I can order for you. I think I know what you like.” I smile at her and give her a wink, letting her know what else I am thinking of. I hate that she put a stop to sex while we are here, but I love her reason behind it.
She blushes that beautiful shade she does. “You definitely know what I like, Mr. James.”
I order our food and hope Maddy will like what I picked out for her. The restaurant has a dance floor and a song comes on that I recognize. I grab her hand and she looks up at me. “Dance with me?”
“I’d love to.”
I walk her out to the dance floor. They are playing Carrie Underwood’s “Ever Ever After.” As I listen to it, I realize how much it relates to Maddy. She just needed to let me in and I’d give her a happily ever after. I kiss her once the song is over and we walk back to our table.
The waitress brings our food and I ignore the fact that she lingers by me a little too long. Girls are always very obvious in their attempts, even when I am with Maddy. “I know it makes you uncomfortable when girls flirt with me and I get it. I just want you to know that I’ve been there and done all of that, but I’ve never been happier than I am with you.”
After dinner, we walk to my car and when we get there, Maddy pulls me into a hug. She snuggles into me like she does when we are in bed. “Thank you for today, Carter. It was great.”
I lift her chin with my finger and kiss her. “We still have one more stop.”
“Really? Where?”
“It’s a surprise, but I intend for it to also be another first, Miss Stevens.”
We pull up to Midnight and I know right away she recognizes it. “You’ve taken me dancing before, babe.”
I smile. “Yes, but tonight I’m going to get you drunk.”
She laughs. “Is that so you can take advantage of me later?”
“Maybe…if you’re lucky.”
She grins at me and starts walking toward the door. “Oh…if I’m lucky, huh?”
I walk her over to the bar and she starts looking over the drink list. I see the bartender, Paul. We went to high school together. I give him a nod to say hello. Maddy taps me on the shoulder and whispers in my ear, “Aren’t they going to ask for ID?”
“It’s okay. I know the bartender, you’re fine.”
She turns to Paul. “Can I get a Sex on the Beach?”
I see her cheeks blush and have to take advantage. “Damn, baby, I could have given you that.” She elbows me in the stomach. I like it when she is feisty. Oh god, Anthony is rubbing off on me.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom.”
“Okay, babe, I’ll be here.” While I wait for her to come back, I start looking around and see the last person that I want to.
Alyssa walks up to me and puts her hand on my arm. “Hey, Carter, you look good. Ditch your girlfriend already?”
I hate her so much. She screwed me over in high school. Now, she is trying to screw up my relationship with Maddy. Alyssa is one of those girls who considers herself superior to everyone else. She wears the most expensive shit because she thinks it is impressive, but nothing could cover up how ugly she is inside. I snatch my arm away from her.
“No, Alyssa, I didn’t. I’m with Madison so you need to take the hint and stay the hell away from both of us.” Paul taps me on the shoulder and hands me Maddy’s drink. Just then, Maddy walks up beside me and I know she isn’t happy that Alyssa is here. I lean in and give her a kiss, trying to reassure her. “Here’s your drink, babe.”
“Thanks.” She smiles at me, but I can tell it is forced.
“Do you want to dance?”
“Sure!” There is the genuine smile I was looking for.
I sidestep around Alyssa and lead Maddy onto the dance floor. Once we get away from Alyssa, I pull her close to me. “She came up to me, babe. I told her I was with you and to go away.”