Shit, I didn’t even know she was having nightmares. “Baby, I want you to wake me up the next time you have a nightmare. I know you’re scared, but you have me and the boys and we’re here for you. You don’t have to deal with the stuff on your own. Okay?”
She nodded and I hoped I’d really gotten through to her.
Madison
It made me nervous to open up to Carter. The way I was letting people in wasn’t something I was used to, or comfortable with. Nicole was right, though. I needed to realize I had people in my corner now, and I shouldn’t shut them out.
Lately, going to bed was something I dreaded because I was having nightmares almost every night. Sometimes, it would be about Chris. Other times, it would be New Year’s Eve, but the worst ones were the ones from my childhood. My father and the homes I’d been placed in after him were things I was constantly trying to block out.
I crawled into bed and snuggled up to Carter like I usually did, but I felt a little more at ease tonight. He told me to wake him up if I had one. Before, I always felt bad doing that. Now that he said it was something he wanted me to do, I felt more at ease with doing it.
“Madison!”
Why was he yelling? I did everything that was on my list and then I went back up to the attic like I was supposed to. Jim was always yelling at me and Mary just laughed. I walked downstairs and when I got to the kitchen, Jim looked mad at me. He pointed to the counters I’d just cleaned but when I looked, they had ketchup and mustard smeared all over them. “What happened?”
He walked around the counter and stood over me. “You tell me! I come home from work and this is what I find?”
“No, I just cleaned those. I promise!”
He smacked me across the face. “Don’t you lie to me! I know you did this!” He grabbed my face by my cheeks and turned my head to look at the counters. “You’ll get those clean now! I didn’t bring you here so you could have fun. You’re here to make things easier for all of us! If you can’t do that, I’ll throw you out on the streets!”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Stephanie and her jeans were dirty. When I looked closer, I saw red and yellow stains. “She did it just to get me in trouble! Look at her pants!”
Jim looked at her and she smiled at him. “Daddy, I didn’t do it. I just saw it and was going to tell you when you got home.” Jim’s grip on my face only tightened and he threw me to the floor.
“Honey, why don’t you go watch TV while Madison and I talk.”
She started to walk out of the room, but turned around and smiled at me first. I looked up at Jim and his face was all red. He started to take off his belt. “You’ll learn better than to do stuff like this and try to blame my daughter!”
He hit me across my back and legs with the belt. I yelped in pain every time it hit me.
“You are worthless!”
The belt came down on my back.
“No one will ever want you!”
He hit me again.
“No one will ever love you!”
“Maddy!” Carter was shaking me, and I realized I was in his arms. I was out of breath, sweating and shaking. “You’re fine, baby. I’m here.”
After I calmed myself down, I looked up at him. He looked so worried. “I guess you can tell that I had a dream and it was worse than they usually are. I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“Don’t apologize for that. Are you okay? What was your dream about?”
Could I really talk to him about this stuff? I thought back to earlier today. I needed to let him in. “The dream was about a family I lived with after getting taken away from my dad. Walking into my first foster home was scary. I didn’t know what to expect and I had no idea how to act. I knew it was better that I wasn’t with my dad anymore because he didn’t treat me right. The family I was going to be living with seemed nice enough. Jim and Mary were a married couple and they had two kids. The girl, Stephanie, was a year older than I was, and they had a son who was three. The first couple months were nice, and the caseworker had been coming to check in on me.”
“Once she stopped coming, though, that’s when things had gotten bad. Jim gave me a list of things I was supposed to have done every day like cleaning, and sometimes cooking. I wasn’t allowed to eat or hang out with the family. I did my chores, was given something small to eat and had to stay in my room. He always reminded me that I wasn’t their kid, or their family. I was there to make things easier for them, not to have fun. Stephanie hated me so she was always doing things to get me into trouble. That’s what the dream was about. One time when she did it, I told Jim it was her. He didn’t believe me and hit me with his belt for trying to blame his daughter.”
“Didn’t anyone know what was going on?”
“No. After about three months, they took me out of school to home school me. Jim’s idea of home school was, basically, just having me read books when I was done cleaning.”
“How did you finally get out of there?”
“One time he hit me with Stephanie’s t-ball bat. It had been the worst he’d ever done to me. Afterward I went outside and trashed his car with it. They called the cops and I was relocated. He told them I got the bruises when he was trying to restrain me. They believed him because I was just another juvenile delinquent.”
“I hate all the things that you’ve been through, but I understand why it’s hard for you to let people in. Just know that Nicole, Jason, Shawn, and I are all here for you. We love you and you can count on us.”
I knew he was right. It was just taking me some time to get used to it.
* * *
Today was going to be our first official family dinner and I couldn’t wait! I didn’t remember ever having this when I was younger. The boys and Nicole were all coming over, and I was making dinner for everyone.
Nicole and Jason still didn’t work through their issues, but I was hoping that everything would still go smoothly tonight.
I spent all day cooking while Carter helped me. By helped, I mean tasted everything. Everyone started getting there around five and they all came bearing gifts. Shawn brought chips and salsa, J contributed a case of beer for the guys and twisted teas for us girls and, thankfully, Nicole brought a cake since I’d completely forgotten about dessert.
Things went smoothly for the most part. There was still tension between Nicole and Jason, but that was something they were going to need to work out. There was only so much you could do. Sometimes people needed to find their own way back.
We all sat around after dinner, playing drinking games and talking. I felt like the more alcohol they drank, the closer and more at ease they got with each other. Everyone ended up leaving around ten, and I was so exhausted that I passed out.
I have to say that I was so excited for next Sunday so we could do it all over again. I loved my new family so much and it made me so happy to feel like I finally had someplace that I fit in.
Chapter Thirty Three
Carter
I couldn’t believe that it was the last day of the semester already. I felt like it all went by so fast, especially with everything that had been going on this year.