I bet Chris is giving her shit about it. I really didn’t care if he liked it or not. We spend all day handing out surveys and talking to people, Shawn and Jason even coming to help us out. As much as they didn’t want to admit it, they liked Maddy. They could see how I felt about her and I think they were beginning to get it.
Once we get back to my house, I don’t even want to move. I call and order a pizza before falling down on the couch. Maddy is walking over to sit down, and I can tell she is exhausted too.
She trips over my book bag and falls down right on top of me. She looks up at me and starts to laugh. I love that sound. She doesn’t do it nearly enough. I brush a stray hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.
Her gaze is fixed on my face and when it landed on my lips, excitement ran through me. I can tell just by looking at her that she wants me to kiss her, that it is me she wants. She never looks at Chris like that; sometimes I watch them and she is so different around him. I can’t resist the temptation anymore, so I lean up to kiss her.
The second my lips touch hers, I feel the electricity move through me. Her lips are amazingly soft. I take the risk and try to deepen the kiss, and she let me. I gently take her lower lip between my teeth and pull on it. She lets out a moan. Being with her like this is what I’ve wanted since September.
A knock on the door startles us both and we jump apart. Since when did those delivery men get here this quickly? I went and got the pizza while Maddy was getting us plates. We take our food and go into the living room with it. Her lips are red and swollen from kissing me, and it is a beautiful sight.
After we finish eating, she grabs the dishes and I get out the surveys from earlier. We work on tabulating the results, talking and laughing in between. I look at the clock. Damn, it is already eleven.
I wish she’d just stay over, but I know there is about a snowball’s chance in hell of that. Her eyes follow mine and I feel like she wants to stay but won’t. It’s like she is fighting an internal battle every time we are together.
“Well, I had fun today, Carter, but I need to go now.”
“Okay, let me get my shoes on,” I say as I stand up.
“I’ve told you before, I can find my own way home.”
“If you think I’m sending you back to campus by yourself at night, you’re out of your mind.” Campus was pretty safe for the most part. I still wanted to make sure she got back okay; that and it gave me more time with her.
“Okay, thank you.” She gives me a small smile before gathering her things.
When we were driving back, she seemed so sullen, almost disappointed. “You know, the weather isn’t supposed to be that bad tomorrow. What would you think about taking a ride down to Myrtle Beach?”
“Carter, you know I can’t do that with you. And besides, I hate the beach.”
She hates the beach? There went my dreams of being able to see her in a bikini. “Okay, I’m sorry for asking. I’m still trying to figure out how this is going to work.”
“I know this situation isn’t easy. If you want to change your mind, I’ll understand. It’s a lot to deal with just to spend time with me.”
I pull into the parking lot and turn to face her. She isn’t looking at me so I lift her chin up. “Hey, I love just being around you, Maddy. If this is what I need to do to be around you, it’s worth it. You’re worth it.”
We are sitting in the car outside her dorm, and I don’t want her to leave. She looks over at me, silently saying the same thing. She wants to be with me too, she just isn’t ready yet. I had so much fun with her today, even if we were working on schoolwork. I walk her inside and then go home alone.
One day soon I won’t have to say goodbye.
Chapter Ten
Madison
Over the next two weeks, Carter and I finished our project and hung out together. It had been the best two weeks of my life. I just wished I didn’t need to hide it. I saw Chris at least once a day, and there were a couple times I almost got caught with Carter. The way that I saw it, Chris would find a reason to hit me no matter what I did, so I might as well enjoy the time I had.
Yesterday, he freaked out because he saw me going into an office with a guy. He never even bothered to see who it was or why I was with him. I had a conference with my professor for the research paper I was working on. Now, I was sporting a huge bruise on my side.
I wish I was strong enough to leave him, but he’s been threatening me more often recently. He even told me last week that he’s been going to the shooting range so much that his dad bought him a gun.
They should do some sort of mental health evaluation before people can have a gun. If they did, he would have never gotten one.
I’ve been getting closer with Nicole. She hasn’t brought up the things that Chris does since that day, although she’s been talking about Carter more and more.
It feels nice to have a friend. I’ve never had one before, at least not that I can remember. Tomorrow is the start of Thanksgiving break and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to miss Carter and Nicole.
Chris is going home for Thanksgiving, but he said dinner was family only and I wasn’t family. I guess I had hoped that since we have been together for so long that he and his family would welcome me as their own. I finish my last class for the day and am walking back to my dorm when I see Carter waiting outside the door.
Nicole walks in and he follows her. Are they hooking up? Why do I feel like I can’t catch my breath right now? Is that why he’s been so nice to me? I can’t handle this. This is why I never let myself care. I want to leave but, truthfully, I don’t have anywhere else to go right now.
I walk into my room, dreading whatever I am about to walk into. When I open the door, I see Carter sitting on my bed, alone. He looks up when he hears me come in. “Hey.”
Is he here for me? “Hey, what are you doing here?”
“I…uh…I asked Nicole to sign me in because I wanted to talk to you. I hope that’s okay.”
“I guess so. What’s up?” I can’t help but smile. He came here for me. I hate that I always immediately think the worst of people. I wish I was the kind of person who could give their trust to someone. I wasn’t, at least not now, but I have a feeling that Carter can change all of that.
“I just wanted to say goodbye to you before I left for break tomorrow. I keep finding myself wanting to text you or call you, but I don’t have any way to do that. Why are you so anti-cell phone?” There is a joking tone to his voice.
He thinks that it is a choice? I hate that I need to explain this to him; it’s embarrassing to admit. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. “I’m not anti-cell phone, Carter. I don’t have a job, and my scholarships and loans covered my tuition and housing with just a little bit left over for necessities.” I can see that he feels sorry for me, but that’s not what I want. I got to go to college, which was all I spent last year dreaming about.
“I don’t want you to feel bad for me. I have what I need.” I am not going to cry. I take a deep breath, trying to hold it together and not let him see how damaged I really am. I should be thankful that I received enough aid to go to school, not feeling sorry that I don’t get to have any luxuries.
“I understand being tight on money. After my mom died, we had it pretty rough. My family still isn’t very well off. I really just wanted to stop by and see you before I left. I hope you have a good break, Maddy.” He gives me a hug, and it takes every ounce of strength I have to hold back the tears. “So, where are you going?”
Shit. I don’t want to tell him this but, for some reason, I can’t bring myself to lie to him. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here on campus.” I avoid looking up at him and seeing the pity etched on his face.