Available wherever e-books are sold in April 2015.
TATE
I blinked awake, the cool summer breeze caressing my face. The early-morning light crept in through my French doors, and I stretched my arms over my head, hearing the buzzing of my phone on the nightstand. The noise that had woken me.
I sat up, ready to check the phone, but I stopped.
Jared sat in my armchair next to the windows. Apparently watching me sleep.
His presence filled the room, drowning out everything as it always did, and I couldn’t help the weight on my heart.
He looked different.
His hair was gelled, so unlike the reserved military style he’d adopted, and he was dressed in his jeans and black hoodie, since it was a cool morning.
A sensual thrill shot through me, and I almost smiled. I’d missed this dangerous, foreboding look on him.
Except for the bags under his eyes and the extra muscle, he looked exactly like the guy I had fallen in love with nearly three years ago.
But we were barely talking these days, and I hadn’t gone home with him since my father had gotten back into town. Even though I was nearly twenty-one, Dad didn’t allow me to have overnight guests, and I’d opted out of going to Jared’s.
After what I’d overheard at Jax’s, Jared was still holding back, and I was afraid.
My phone buzzed again, and Jared tipped his chin, telling me to check it.
Picking up my phone, I saw a picture from Juliet. I smiled, seeing a happy selfie of her and Jax with a bustling city behind them.
In Auckland, baby! the text read.
I set the phone down, rubbing the sleep from my eye. “They made it,” I said softly. “They’re in New Zealand.”
Jared stayed still, eerily frozen as he watched me, and that was when I noticed the black duffel on the floor.
I clenched the sheet. “Where are you going?”
He hesitated, letting his eyes fall, almost whispering. “I’m leaving for a while, Tate.”
My heart continued to beat even as my breathing stopped. “ROTC?” I pressed.
“No.” He shook his head and leaned forward on his knees. “I …” He hesitated. “Tate, I love you—”
I sucked in a breath and threw off the sheets, causing Madman to jump off the bed as I turned away. “Jax was right,” I choked out, my throat suddenly tight.
“Jax is always right,” he sighed. “Continuing like this.” He shook his head. “I’d make you miserable.”
I turned to look at him, so many questions frantically filling my brain. “Jared, if you want to quit ROTC, then quit,” I cried. “I don’t care. You can study anything. Or nothing. Just—”
“I don’t know what I want!” he burst out, interrupting me. “That’s the problem, Tate. I need to figure things out.”
“Away from me,” I finished.
He stood up, running his hands through his hair. “You’re not the problem, babe. You’re the only thing that I’m sure of.” His gentle voice was filled with sadness. “But I need to grow up, and it’s not happening here.”
“Here, where?” I asked. “Chicago? Shelburne Falls? Or around me?”
He rubbed a frustrated hand down his face as he stared out the window. I’d never felt so far away from him. Not even when we were enemies in high school.
I couldn’t lose him. I closed my eyes. Please.
“The apartment is paid up for the school year, so you don’t have to worry—”
“A year!” I shot out of bed, turning my scared eyes on him. “A fucking year! Are you kidding me?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing, okay?” he yelled, holding out his hands. “I don’t feel like I fit in at college! I feel like you’re moving a hundred miles an hour, and I’m constantly trying to catch up!” He breathed hard, and I shook my head, disbelieving.
How the hell was leaving me going to solve his problem?
He calmed his voice. “You know what you’re doing and what you want, Tate, and I’m …” He hardened his jaw. “I’m fucking blind. I can’t breathe.”
I turned away, misery overtaking me as the tears rolled down. “You can’t breathe,” I mused, hugging myself against the fist wrapped around my heart.
“Baby.” He turned me around. “I love you. I love you so goddamn much. I just …” He swallowed. “I just need time. Space, to figure out who I am and what I want.”
I stared at him, so much pain simmering under my skin. “So, what happens?” I asked. “What happens when you find the life you’re looking for?”
“I don’t know yet.”
I nodded, defiant. “I do. You didn’t come in here to tell me you’ll be back. That you’ll call or we’ll text. You came in here to break up with me.”
And I pulled away, turning around.
“Baby, come here.” He pulled me back, but I came down on his arms, shoving them away.
“Oh, just get out!” I yelled. “You cut off everyone who loves you. You’re pathetic. I should be used to this by now,” I choked out, hiding my tears.
He walked toward me. “Tate—”
“Just leave!” I bellowed, walking for the door and yanking it open. “I’m sick of the sight of you, Jared,” I growled. “Just go.”
He shook his head. “No. I need you to understand.”
I tipped my chin up. “All I’ll ever understand is that you needed to live a life without me in it, so just go and do that.”
He struggled for words. “I don’t want this. Not like this.” I could hear the tears caught in his throat. “I don’t want to hurt you. Just sit down, so we can talk. I can’t leave you like this,” he insisted.
I shook my head at him. “And I won’t let you stay.” I hardened my voice. “You need to be free? Then go. Get out.”
He stood frozen, looking as though he was searching for what to say or do to soothe me, but it was in vain.
I could be a supportive friend, more understanding and comforting, while he went off and tried to find himself, but the ship with the rest of my patience had sailed a long time ago.
I’d waited for him. Time and again I had waited for him while he humiliated and tortured me in high school. I pined for him even as he abandoned me and left me alone and isolated. I loved him even when he’d brought me to tears.
And I was disgusted with myself.
And as I clenched my teeth and Jared turned blurry in my eyes, I stood strong and unforgiving. “Now,” I ordered.
His eyes fell, and his shoulders were broken as he stood there, forced to own up to his choice.
And then he picked up his bag. And walked out the door.
I didn’t move as I heard the Boss roar to life and speed down the street, my ears hanging on to the last decibel it could catch of him leaving me.
“I’m not waiting for you anymore,” I whispered.
Dear Reader,
I know that was difficult, but it had to happen. Jared and Tate will grow on separate paths, as is usually the case in real life, but they will come together again.
Explosively. You can count on that.
And when they do, I’ll finally give you that Epilogue I promised.
Thank you for reading and look for the continuation of Jared and Tate’s story, Aflame, in April 2015.
Penelope Douglas
Penelope Douglas is the author of the New York Times bestselling Fall Away series. Born in Dubuque, Iowa, she earned a bachelor’s degree in public administration and then a master’s of education at Loyola University in New Orleans before becoming a teacher. She now writes full-time and lives in Las Vegas with her husband and their daughter.
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