Him. Him. Him.
She didn’t know why she bothered. Actually she did. She loved him. For all his faults. And that meant she had to try to understand he wasn’t the way he was through choice.
He never used to be so angry. He’d always been more considerate of her needs than Blake, even. Blake would often joke that Drew would have been a much better brother. At the time, Ruby had just laughed. She loved the pair of them in that brotherly way. She wished Drew could be like that again. Not that she wanted him to act like a brother now.
“Don’t worry, love,” Ruby’s mom said. “He’s going through a bad time. It’s not something he’ll be able to get over quickly.”
“Rose, where are you?” her father called from down the hall.
“In the kitchen,” her mom replied.
Ruby could hear her dad shuffle down the hallway, and she watched as he stood in the doorway of the kitchen, his shoulders slumped.
“I’m out of pain meds,” he muttered.
“I’ll get the prescription filled tomorrow,” her mom replied.
“But I need them now.” He glanced at Ruby with the usual helpless look on his face. Would this be what Drew would turn into if he let his anger get the best of him? A sad, defeated man hooked on pain medication, who never interacted with the world or his family other than to make demands?
“You should go, Dad. It’s a nice day out, and the pharmacy is only down the street,” Ruby said, trying to sound positive.
He let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to.” He turned and shuffled back down the hallway.
“Never mind. I’ll go later,” her mom called out after him.
Ruby pulled out one of the breakfast bar stools and sat, leaning her elbows on the counter. She watched her mom pour some lemonade into a glass and cut a large piece of cake. She put it on a plate, which she then placed in front of Ruby.
“I get what you said, that things are tough for Drew,” Ruby said. “But that doesn’t mean he has to take it out on you.” She picked up the glass and took a long drink.
“He didn’t. It was too early for him. I’m annoyed at myself for having suggested it.” Her mom leaned against the sink, facing her. Ruby envied her ability to be so understanding and patient. Sometimes Ruby wished her mom would get angry with her dad and refuse to do things for him, until he snapped out of it and tried to live his life like a functional human being. But, of course, Mom would never do that. Her enormous capacity to take care of people was one of the things Ruby loved best about her. The trouble was it enabled her father’s unacceptable behavior, and there was nothing Ruby could do about it.
“I should have realized, especially as we’ve been through it all with your dad.” Her mother shook her head.
“It’s not your fault, Mom.” Ruby took a bite of the chocolate cake, but her stomach felt so churned up, she could hardly manage to swallow it. Which really frustrated her, since her mom’s chocolate cake was pretty amazing.
“I know,” her mom replied, nodding. “But I still should’ve thought it through more. With all the experience I’ve had with your dad, there’s no excuse.”
Ruby knew it was pointless trying to persuade her mom otherwise. And really what did it matter? They couldn’t change it.
“Do you think he’ll ever get over what happened?” Ruby wiped the chocolate crumbs from her mouth with the napkin her mother slid across the counter in her direction and then took another drink.
“Honestly, I don’t know. He reminds me so much of your father.” She leaned against the counter and looked sympathetically at Ruby.
“No.” Ruby shook her head vehemently, even though she’d been thinking the same thing earlier. “There’s no way Drew is anything like Dad. Apart from his injuries. Obviously.”
A nagging thought in the back of Ruby’s head kept forcing itself forward. Of course she would disagree with her mom about any similarity between Drew and her dad. Because she couldn’t bear to even think about Drew having to deal with the crap that her dad had. She wouldn’t have wished that on her worst enemy. But what if Drew did turn out that way? What if he became even more reclusive? What would she do then? Could she stay with him? Would she want to stay with him?
“Maybe you’re right,” her mom said, smiling softly. “At least he’s going to school now, which gets him out of the house every day. That’s very important, and it’s more than your dad does. More than he’s ever done since his accident. What about when school’s out, does he take you places?”
Ruby sighed. She didn’t think sitting in the park on their own or sitting in his car would count as taking her places, however she dressed it up. There was the time at the café, though. “Not really, I suppose,” she replied. “He doesn’t want us to be seen together because of what people would think about him dating.”
Saying the words out loud actually made her feel a bit better. They made her realize that his reasons were much less to do with the burns on his body than being seen acting happy when Reese was gone. That was very different from why her father wouldn’t go out. His was totally because of all the staring.
“Because he feels guilty?” her mom asked.
“Yeah, I guess so,” Ruby said. “And he doesn’t want people to think that he’s getting on with his life after what he did.”
All very understandable from his perspective.
“So different reasons from your dad, but same outcome.”
“What do you mean?” Ruby frowned. She had no idea how her mom had come up with that, when they’d just decided the two cases were totally different.
“They both want to keep themselves separate from everyone else. They both are fixated on what happened to them. They both put themselves first. Can you see the similarity?” her mom asked gently.
“That’s not true. Drew isn’t like that, he…” Her voice trailed off because it was exactly what she had thought about Drew earlier. He did put himself and his guilt first.
“Are you sure?” her mom pressed.
Ruby swallowed. “I don’t know.”
She suddenly remembered the conversation they’d had about him not wanting skin grafts. What would her mom make of that? She wasn’t going to mention it now, especially since she hoped Drew would change his mind down the road.
“Well, I hope he can get through it. As much as I love your dad, you know how hard it’s been for me over the years. For all of us. Can you really see yourself going through it all again?”
“He’s not like Dad,” Ruby said quickly. “Okay, there are some similarities. Agreed. At the moment he does seem more focused on himself than on anything else. But that’s understandable. I can deal with it. I can.”
Ruby wished she felt as confident as she sounded. But she had to have hope. Without it, what would be the point?
Drew walked out of the class and headed down the corridor toward the cafeteria. He hadn’t seen Ruby all morning since he’d had Spanish, and she didn’t take that subject. He wanted to see her, to explain why he’d walked out on her and her mom yesterday.
He’d spent the entire night going over what had happened and feeling guiltier by the minute. He’d had virtually no sleep at all. He’d thought about texting her first thing in the morning and then decided it would be better if he could talk to her face to face, and then hopefully she would understand. Or at least accept that he hadn’t meant to hurt either of them.
It beat him why he couldn’t have accepted Ruby and her mother being nice to him, instead of getting all worked up about it. Everything they had done, they’d done out of kindness. Even if it wasn’t going to change how he felt about himself and the fire, he should have kept his feelings to himself.
He pushed open the double doors and scanned the cafeteria, which was heaving with students. He finally spotted Ruby in the corner sitting next to Tiffany, their heads close, deep in conversation. He paid for a soda and a sandwich, and then he headed in their direction.