Or would you?
That was anyone’s guess.
He still didn’t know whether returning to school had been the right thing to do. He’d destroyed two lives—you didn’t just go back to normal after that. Three, if you counted his own. But he couldn’t stay at home. Not with his parents. In his worst moments, he doubted that they’d have even noticed if he hadn’t survived the fire, since they were so wrapped up in themselves and their drinking. Unlike Reese’s parents, who must have been devastated at the thought of never seeing her again. Blake would never see her again, either. And it was all Drew’s fault.
Drew felt his face grow clammy as he got sucked into his memories. He’d relived the experience over and over during the past year, while he was in and out of hospital, and during the last few months at home. How he’d tried to rescue Reese from her bedroom but the flames had knocked him back. It ripped his guts out every time he remembered. He hated that he’d agreed when Reese suggested lighting candles all around her bedroom. He hated that he had given in to her insistence that he go to the store and get them some Ben & Jerry’s. And once he’d agreed, why the hell hadn’t he blown the candles out before leaving? He knew how drowsy she was. He hadn’t thought that it would matter. But it did matter. It mattered then. It mattered now. And it would matter forever.
He would never forgive himself for what had happened. He had betrayed everyone. And for that he deserved to pay for the rest of his life.
A sudden coldness washed over him, as out of the corner of his eye he noticed Ruby. Blake’s sister. It hadn’t even entered his mind that now he had to repeat junior year, he would be taking some of the same classes as her. She probably hated him as much as Blake did. Fleetingly, their eyes locked, and her shock at his appearance was unmistakable. He averted his gaze and hurried toward an empty desk near the window at the front of the class, wondering how long it would take to get used to seeing the shock and horror in her eyes.
Chapter Two
The bell rang for lunch, and Drew breathed a sigh of relief. He’d managed to survive his first morning. He still felt like the school freak, but at least the stares had lessened as people got used to him being there. He was glad that Reese had gone to a different school because he didn’t think he’d have been able to cope with facing her friends as well. It was bad enough knowing that Blake and Ruby were around.
He remained in his seat until almost everyone had left the class, keeping his head down and pretending to read. It was kind of a game—if he didn’t look at anyone else, they didn’t exist. When the last person had shuffled out of the science lab, he picked up his books and headed out of the double doors at the back. He felt hungry, so he was tempted to go to the cafeteria for lunch, although that would be Cold Stare Central. His other option was to find a park bench where he could be alone. A quick scan of the trail of students heading toward the cafeteria helped him make up his mind. Park bench it was.
It wasn’t like he’d intended to find his old friends and ask to hang out with them. They hadn’t called or come by since the fire. Not one of them had been in touch, making it clear they had all sided with Blake. And why wouldn’t they? Blake had always been a popular guy. Drew would’ve acted the same way if he had been in their situation.
It didn’t take a genius to work out that the next two years were going to be hell. Which at least meant that he would get better grades, because what else did he have to do but work, work, work? Except he didn’t care. He was only at school because it sucked being at home. He headed toward the parking lot, his stomach rumbling.
He turned his head at the sound of a car door slamming, and his stomach plummeted to the ground as he caught sight of Blake, who was leaning against a large oak tree about ten yards away, completely oblivious to the fact that Drew was standing nearby. Every muscle in Drew’s body tensed.
It was the first time he’d seen Blake up close since just before the fire. Blake hadn’t come to the hospital when Drew had been recovering from his multiple burn surgeries, and his silence had made it clear that they were no longer friends. The one time when they’d run into each other in town, Blake walked away before they could cross paths. Drew had tried writing an apology letter—an actual letter, not a text or email—but every attempt had sounded too pathetic to finish. What could he say? “Sorry I killed your girlfriend after she cheated on you with me?”
But now they were in the same fishbowl of a school, and walking away would just postpone the inevitable.
What he really wanted to do was turn around and bolt, but he forced himself to change direction and head over to where Blake stood.
An apology couldn’t bring Reese back, but at least Drew could get it over with. Maybe Blake would punch him, and they’d both feel better afterward. And Blake was alone, which meant Drew could get that first confrontation over without an audience.
“Blake,” he called once he was within a few yards of him.
Blake glanced up and his eyes widened, shock etched across his face. Why? He had to have known that Drew was back, given the fact that the school had an excellent rumor mill.
“What?” Blake puffed out his chest and straightened.
Drew had seen him like that before. Blake wasn’t an aggressive guy, but he wouldn’t be pushed around. And that stance was how he reacted to people who tried. Drew had just never been on the receiving end of it before.
Drew couldn’t get over how different Blake seemed. Not just angry, but fundamentally different. Noticeably thinner. But it was more than that. His whole demeanor was dark. In all the years they had known each other, Drew had never seen him depressed—the guy was always in a good mood, always looking on the bright side.
Not anymore.
He didn’t know this Blake. And this Blake obviously hated him.
“Can we talk? Somewhere quiet?” Drew asked, his heart thumping loudly in his chest. They’d been friends for so long, yet now it felt like their history had been eradicated. All the things that they had done, the football games, the summer camps, the girls—it was as if none of it had ever happened.
And whose fault was that?
“No. Say what you’ve got to say here.” Blake folded his arms across his chest and glared at him.
Drew glanced around to see if anyone was standing close by listening. But thankfully no one was. He had no desire to be the center of attention, especially in this situation. “I just need a minute,” he said, trying to sound calm and in control but suspecting he sounded anything but.
Blake didn’t respond, but stared stonily ahead, barely acknowledging that Drew was speaking.
“Reese and I. It happened by accident. It wasn’t something we’d planned.” As if that made it any better. He felt a layer of sweat form on his forehead, and he swiped it away with the back of his hand. He wanted to say more. He wanted to tell Blake that he hadn’t meant to hurt him, that his friendship meant too much to him. And it always would. But how could he? Guys didn’t talk like that to each other.
Blake opened his mouth slightly like he was going to speak, but then closed it. He stared at Drew, his usually wide eyes narrowed and piercing.
“We didn’t want to hurt you,” Drew continued, grasping for the right words. “We didn’t plan for it to happen. We were two friends who’d had a couple of beers and got together—” His voice faltered. “I think about it every day. It kills me that I couldn’t get to Reese before she died, it—”
He clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides. Talking about it still broke him up, and he guessed it always would.
“You bastard,” Blake snapped, jolting Drew back to the present.