‘Ever?’ Kerr queried. ‘How about next year, after the baby’s born? Couldn’t we try again then?’
Maddy heaved a sigh; she’d thought of that too. But what were the chances of Kerr still being interested and available then? By next year, any girl with an ounce of sense would have snapped him up.
More importantly, he’d still be a McKinnon. Nothing in the world could change that. Some families, Maddy knew, fought like cat and dog. She’d seen enough episodes of Jerry Springer to know that plenty of mothers and daughters hurled abuse at each other and didn’t care how much pain they caused because they genuinely couldn’t stand the sight of each other. They were happy to be estranged, living their own separate lives, carrying on without exchanging so much as a word for years.
But she could never do that to Marcella. They may not be related by blood, but Marcella had devoted her life to her stepchildren and they’d loved and adored her in return. Becoming estranged simply wasn’t an option.
‘I can’t,’ said Maddy, her chest aching with suppressed grief. ‘We can’t. I’m sorry, I just ...’
‘Can’t.’ Kerr finished the sentence she was incapable of finishing herself. ‘OK, I understand. Take care. Bye.’
‘Bye,’ Maddy whispered, but the line had already gone dead.
That was it, all over.
Done.
‘Gosh, this is a surprise!’ Estelle, answering the front door of Dauncey House, was clearly bemused by the sight of Maddy on her doorstep. Then her hand flew to her mouth. ‘Oh no, not bad news, something hasn’t happened to—’
‘Mum’s fine,’ Maddy said quickly. Nothing’s happened to the baby. I’m here to see, um, Kate.
Is she around?’
Still mystified, Estelle said, ‘Well, yes, but she’s in the bath. Why don’t you wait in the sitting room and I’ll tell her you’re here.’
‘It’s all right,’ came a voice from the top of the staircase, causing both Estelle and Maddy to turn and look up. ‘I already know.’
Straight from the bath, wearing an ivory silk dressing gown and with her dark hair slicked back from her face, Kate led the way into the sitting room. It was the first time Maddy had seen her without make-up. Minus the concealing foundation her scars were more noticeable – that went without saying –
but the effect wasn’t as shocking as she’d imagined. With her renewed air of confidence, Kate was somehow managing to carry it off.
‘Sit down,’ said Kate. ‘Drink?’
Maddy shook her head. As soon as she’d said what she’d come to say, she was out of here.
‘No thanks, I’m fine. Look, we both know what this is about,’ Maddy blurted out. ‘I’m sorry, OK?
Really and truly sorry. First I accused Nuala of telling Jake about me and Kerr, and I was wrong. Then I accused you of telling Marcella and that was wrong too. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson by now, wouldn’t you? Anyway, I apologise. From the bottom of my heart. I should never have said it, and I’m sorry you were upset.’ Trailing off with a helpless shrug, Maddy forced herself to meet Kate’s stony gaze. ‘That’s it really. I’m just sorry.’
Silence.
Finally Kate said, ‘OK. Apology accepted. But you were lying about one thing.’
Oh God. A wave of exhaustion swept through Maddy. She simply wasn’t up to a heated debate.
‘What was I lying about?’
‘You said, "No thanks, I’m fine," and it isn’t true. You look terrible,’ Kate went on with characteristic bluntness. ‘You’re as white as a ghost — and look at your eyes, you’re in a complete state.’
‘Well, thanks.’ Delighted to have this pointed out to her, Maddy retorted, ‘And who says ghosts are white anyway? They don’t all go around with sheets over their heads, you know.’
Unbelievable. In less than a minute flat they were sniping at each other again like a pair of twelve-year-olds. Once upon a time, of course, they had used white sheets in order to dress up as ghosts on Halloween night and wreak havoc around the village.
Astonishingly, instead of launching into a counter-attack, Kate’s tone softened.
‘Don’t take offence. I’m just saying it’s pretty obvious you aren’t fine. And I’m sorry too, OK? For the hard time I gave you years ago. Ridgelow Hall may have taught me how to speak like an It-girl and flirt in Italian, but it turned me into a right stuck-up little bitch. I’m not proud of the way I treated you.’ As she spoke, Kate’s fingers were clenching and unclenching in her lap. ‘I said some really horrible things about the way you looked ... well, I’m sure you remember." Remember? The horrible things were etched in sulphuric acid into her heart. ‘Rings a bell,’ said Maddy, still finding it hard to believe that Kate was actually apologising for all the hurt she’d inflicted over the years.
‘Well, I got my come-uppance there, didn’t I?’ Kate raised her hand to the left side of her face.
‘You must have laughed your head off when you heard what had happened to me.’
‘I didn’t laugh,’ Maddy protested. ‘I’d never laugh.’
‘ But?’ prompted Kate.
Oh well, it wasn’t as if she was saying something Kate hadn’t already figured out for herself. She’d never been stupid.
‘But I did think that now you’d know how it felt.’ There, confession over, she’d admitted it.
‘I don’t blame you. I was such a cow.’ Wryly Kate gestured towards Maddy. ‘And see how the ugly duckling turned out. Look at you now,’ she said bluntly. ‘Who’d have thought it?’
Gazing down at her yellow sandals, rather too bright against the tasteful bottle-green carpet of the sitting room, Maddy said, ‘For all the good it’s done me,’ and felt her eyes prickle with tears. Oh no, she mustn’t start crying again, not here.
‘ You’ve finished with Kerr then,’ said Kate.
Maddy nodded. ‘No choice.’
‘I would never have told Marcella, you know.’
‘I know. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry. It’s my own fault. When you asked me not to say anything, I shouldn’t have let you think I might.’ Kate paused. ‘Are you feeling as bad as you look?’
Maddy’s bottom lip began to tremble. ‘Worse. Damn, I don’t make a habit of blubbing all over the place ... oh, thanks.’ She reached blindly for a tissue from the box Kate was holding in front of her. ‘I just can’t believe my bad luck. Years and years of being ugly and boys taking the mickey out of me, then getting less scary and going out but never finding the right chap, then finally finding someone and really falling in love for the f-first time ... and I can’t have him. It’s not allowed. I don’t know, it j just doesn’t seem fair somehow .. . oh bugger, can I have another tissue?’
‘Here,’ said Kate, ‘better keep the box.’
Chapter 32
An hour later they headed together down Gypsy Lane. It was seven o’clock, time for Kate to begin her evening shift at the Angel. Dressed in a geranium-red sleeveless shift dress and high heels, with her face now carefully made up for the benefit of the punters, Kate was looking tall, glamorous and – from this angle – flawless. Next to her, moping along in her frayed denim jacket, old jeans and flat yellow sandals, Maddy felt inferior all over again.
‘Well, this is weird.’
‘Us, you mean?’ Kate turned her head and smiled, revealing her scarred side. ‘Actually speaking to each other again?’
‘And all thanks to Kerr.’ Maddy pulled out her dark glasses as they approached Main Street, acutely aware that her eyes were bulging like a bullfrog’s. ‘So he came in useful after all, that’s good news. I’m sure he’d be pleased.’