‘Depends what F stands for, I guess,’ I said, laughing at her melodramatic pose.
‘Yeah,’ said Liv, dragging me across the road. ‘The Fuck Bar. That figures, knowing Kitty.’
Kitty had barely left the house when Liv had made double sure I knew she wasn’t kidding about going to her gig. ‘It’s for your own good,’ she’d said firmly. ‘If she was right about one thing, it was that you should fuck that bastard off right now. Get your life back. It starts here, Grace. Tonight.’
I’d protested, saying I wasn’t ready for it, I needed time to myself, to think, but she’d played her ace card.
‘Look, I’ve just finished with someone too. I need someone there, tonight, to support me.’
I couldn’t argue with that. Not when she’d welcomed me into her house so willingly. I had to be there for her. So I’d grabbed a quick shower and thrown on the first halfway suitable clothes I’d dragged out of my case. A sweater and jeans.
I’d been eyeing them doubtfully, when Liv came into the room.
‘Perfect,’ she said. ‘You’ll be right at home.’
As we walked into the bar she was playing at, I saw what she meant. Jackaroo’s was a travellers bar, targeted to young tourists who favoured a backpack over a suitcase, and it was pure spit-and-sawdust. Jeans were definitely the dress code here, followed closely by rugby shirts and tees. It was all bare wood, barrels and benches.
‘See,’ said Liv in my ear, as I looked around the upstairs bar. It was heaving, and noisy, with people pushing past all the time. I felt lost and out of place. ‘They’re all foreign. All of them. No one here will have a clue who you are. You can relax.’
I couldn’t see me relaxing at all, but I followed her as she pushed through the crowds towards the stairs that led down to where she was going to perform.
‘Where’s your equipment, anyway?’ I shouted at her, above the noise of the music, which was growing louder and louder as we went down the stairs.
‘Oh, that,’ Liv yelled over her shoulder. ‘Gav’s bringing it. Him and Celeste.’
‘Gav?’ I yelled back. I thought I’d misheard. ‘Celeste?’
‘Yes.’ We reached the bottom of the stairs. They opened out into a dance floor with a bar framing it on one side, and a stage on the other. ‘He’s in the band now. Took over from Mike. It’s how I know him.’
‘And Celeste?’
‘His ex.’ Liv rolled her eyes. She leant in towards me, to make sure I heard. ‘Plays keyboards. Hates me, obviously.’
‘Obviously.’ I nodded, wondering what the hell I’d let myself in for.
We went over to the bar, where Liv pushed through the crowds to order us beers. I kept expecting someone to have a go at her, but they didn’t. It was a lot more relaxed than the usual places I frequented in London. Either that, or Liv was a well-known face. But it was more than that. When I looked around, I realised that almost everyone was stoned. I could see it in their eyes, and smell it in the air. It reminded me of Gav.
Talking of which, there he was…walking towards us, through the crowds of backpackers. There was a blonde girl with him, hanging onto his arm. She had an upturned nose and a sneer on her face. My heart sank. Here we go.
‘Hey,’ he said, as he edged his way in next to us at the bar.
‘Hey,’ said Liv, looking over at the girl. ‘Hi Celeste.’
‘Hi.’ Celeste gave her a short, sharp smile, before turning to me. ‘Brought you as back-up, has she?’
I went to speak, but Liv cut me off. ‘I don’t need back-up. She’s here for other reasons. Get a life, Celeste, and a boyfriend of your own.’
‘Hey.’ Gav started to laugh, holding his hands up as if trying to calm them down. ‘Let’s cool it, shall we.’ The sniping clearly discomfited him. He turned from one to the other, not knowing what to say. I could see he was weak. He’d go whichever way was easiest and, for some reason, I despised him for it. The tension between Liv and Celeste was palpable, and neither spoke again…just glared at each other, while Gav pushed through to the bar.
I felt awkward and just stood there, sipping at my beer. The citrusy sharpness of it was so refreshing, and the alcohol hit me right away. It went straight to my arms, then my thighs, making them buzz and tingle. I realised I’d barely drunk anything all day, apart from the tea at Liv’s. I was so thirsty, suddenly. I took another sip, then tipped my head back and gulped the rest down.
I needed another one, right away. I pushed in behind Gav and ordered two more. Liv would need another one before she went on stage, after all, I told myself. It was the least I could do. I was so busy fluttering my twenty pound note at the bar staff, trying to grab their attention, that I didn’t even notice when Gav left the bar. More people had arrived since Liv had got our first drinks and the bar was three-deep now. I was being pushed and jostled from all sides, and I had to grab onto the bar to keep my place.
Finally, I got served. A young guy, with spiky black hair and a ring through his nose saw me and came over. He got me two more beers and took my money, but by the time I’d got my change and pushed my way back through the throng, Liv and the others had gone.
I stood there for a moment, looking around for them, then the music died, and the lights with it. The only ones left, apart from behind the bar, were shining on the stage. Gav was up there, doing something to his guitar. Every now and again, he’d play a few notes, then look off stage, to the side of him, and do it again. He looked a lot more at ease, under those spotlights, than he’d appeared a few minutes earlier. For the first time, I could kind of see what Liv saw in him. He had a definite presence on stage, even just doing a sound-check.
I looked around for somewhere to stand that was out of the way. I still felt uncomfortable, but I was starting to unbend a little, after the beer. I took a gulp of one of the beers in my hand, wishing I knew where Liv had gone. To cope with being on my own, I was going to need to unbend a whole lot more.
I spied a pillar in the middle of the bar area, where no one was standing, and made my way over there, careful to avoid spilling my beers. When I reached it, I leant up against it and tipped my head back again, gulping down the beer. I was so thirsty. Anyway, I needed to get rid of it. I looked ridiculous, standing there with two beers. I needed to lose one, and fast. I made short work of the rest of it, and put the glass down in the sawdust at my feet. Now I could concentrate.
I looked towards the stage. Liv was out there now, and Celeste, as well as the drummer. Some guy with long brown hair and a beard. I’d never seen him before. They were still getting ready and, occasionally, Celeste would play a short burst on the keyboard, and Gav and Liv would chime in. Then one of them would say something, and they’d all grin or even laugh. It was showmanship all the way, and they hadn’t even started. If I hadn’t witnessed it, I’d never have believed the rift that divided them was even real.
I started on the next beer, hoping they’d start playing for real soon. Then I’ll have something to focus on, instead of standing here all alone, feeling like an idiot.
‘You don’t look like an idiot,’ said a voice right in my ear. I jumped, and turned around. Had I actually said that aloud? I looked at my remaining beer. It was already half empty. Then I looked up at the guy that had spoken. He was young and tanned with curly blond hair, and crinkly eyes.
‘Well, I feel it,’ I said, taking another swig of beer.
‘Why are you all alone, anyway?’ he asked. His voice had a gentle Australian lilt to it which, in my slightly drunken haze, I found incredibly attractive. ‘Do you normally hang around bars on your own?’
‘Not normally, no,’ I said, trying to sound dignified. ‘It’s a new thing.’