I put my empty glass down on the sawdust-strewn floor and clapped, feeling almost as proud as if it were me up there, drinking in the applause. Liv was loving it, beaming out at the audience and squinting against the bright lights. She spotted me and waved excitedly. Then her smile faded. She seemed to be looking behind me, and worry was etched into her face.
I turned to see what she’d been looking at. Chris and Stef were standing either side of me, drinks in their hands. I smiled at them both, relieved to have some company to take my mind off Leo.
‘Come with us,’ Stef said, handing me a beer. ‘Meet our mates.’
I followed them to the farthest corner of the room. There was a cluster of young guys there, sitting on benches. They all had surfer-dude hairstyles and tight tee-shirts that strained across their chests, and they laughed and cheered as we walked over to them. I felt awkward and shy.
‘Here she is.’ Stef pushed me forward. ‘This is Grace, and she’s on her own.’
‘Not anymore,’ one of the guys said. ‘Come and sit with us, babe.’
The benches were full, but Chris stepped forward and ducked down onto the end of one of them. He pushed the guys along and held out his hand to me. ‘Here, Grace. Sit on my lap.’
‘I…’ I hesitated and then, suddenly, it hit me. What the hell. I was single. I wasn’t looking for love. I might as well have some fun. ‘Okay,’ I said, and sank down onto his knee. All the guys laughed, and I smiled around at them, no longer caring what they thought of me. I guzzled down another half glass of beer, before putting both glasses on the table.
The rest of the guys introduced themselves. I didn’t catch their names…there were too many of them, and Liv had just started another song, so I couldn’t hear very well. It didn’t matter, anyway. It wasn’t like I was going to see them again.
The song was one Liv had written a few years before, and I’d heard it before. It was called ‘Want Your Money’ and it was more upbeat than the first one, with an Irish undertone. I was still perched on Chris’s knee, and he began tapping his foot to the music. It was that kind of song. The audience were all moving now, and the dance floor was getting more and more crowded. It was like a heaving, seething mass, with the occasional wrecker spilling out into the bar area.
Chris was swaying his knee as he tapped his foot, and I couldn’t help myself. I began to wriggle in time to the music. The feeling of his knee pressing and moving between my legs stirred something inside of me and, when he put his hand to my cheek and turned my face to his, I let him kiss me.
It was the first time I’d kissed anyone but Leo since I was in my teens, and it felt strange. I drew back, wondering what the hell I was doing, but he pulled me in close again, and pushed my mouth against his. His lips were dry and firm, and his breath smelt sweet from the beer. This time, when he put his hand to my jaw, I let him pull down my chin and push his tongue into my mouth. I let out an audible sigh, and the guys laughed and whooped.
I pulled away again, looking around at them. I wanted to stop, but Chris’s knee was still working its magic between my legs. The beer wasn’t helping, neither was the darkened room. It gave me a strange sense of being in a dream and, just as in any dream, my inhibitions seemed to have drained away.
Stef put his hands either side of my head and, pulling me away from Chris’s mouth, turned my face up to his. ‘Don’t I get one?’ he said, his eyes flashing suggestively.
I didn’t think twice. I opened my mouth to meet his, and let his wet tongue push between my teeth until it was moving and twisting against my own. Chris had moved his hands to my hips, and was pulling me down harder onto his knee. I squirmed against it, loving the feeling of it rubbing and forcing itself up into me. When he loosened his grip, and let his hands trail up my sides, I did nothing to stop him. He moved them round to my front, until he was cradling my breasts in his hands, inching up my sweater as he did so.
Several of the other guys had stood up now, and were standing around us watching, but I hardly noticed them. Stef was still kissing me, bending down over me and rubbing his fingers across my clit. I bucked and writhed on Chris’s knee, loving the dual stimulation. It was as if the rest of the room had vanished, and I was back in my fantasy. When Stef pulled back and lifted up his hand to my mouth, I sucked on his fingers, looking up at his leering face, completely unashamed.
The guy next to Chris was running his hand up and down my thigh now, catching my clit with every upward stroke and teasing me into a frenzy. Stef was pressing my face against his crotch, rubbing my cheek backwards and forwards across the bulge in his jeans. My tongue trailed across it as it moved back and forth. The buttons of his fly caught at it with each pass, but I hardly noticed.
The song was nearly over, but I didn’t notice. I hardly even registered it when it stopped short. Chris was still squeezing my breasts, and I could feel the warm air on my stomach as my sweater rose higher and higher.
Suddenly, Stef put his hand to the back of my head and grabbed a handful of my hair. He tugged on it, pulling my head back. I looked up into his eyes and he grinned down at me, before looking around his mates. I followed his gaze around and, when he snapped my head back to his crotch, he was fumbling at his fly with his other hand. He’d already tugged most of the buttons open and, as I watched, he delved into the opening and, hooking his thumb behind it, flipped out his length.
I just stared at it for a moment, before looking back up at him. He gave me a filthy smile and nodded down at it.
‘Come on, you little beauty,’ he said. ‘Let’s see you lick my lollipop.’
He struck me across the face with it once…twice…three times…before dragging it slowly across my lips. I put out my tongue and let the dry hardness of him run across it, back and forth before he pulled my head back and plunged himself into my mouth. At almost the same moment, I felt Chris hitch the remains of my sweater up and over my breasts, exposing my thin, lacy bra. Even through the rhythmic driving of Stef into my mouth, and the insistent stroking of the other guy’s fingers on my clit, I was aware that my bra wouldn’t be affording much in the way of cover, and that my nipples were all but exposed, but I didn’t care. It was as if my fantasy had come true, and I was loving every second of it. All other thoughts had gone from my mind. I was reclaiming what was mine, and to hell with Leo. To hell with relationships. This was all I needed. I was going to be independent from now on, and take back my fantasy, and…
‘What the hell are you doing, Grace?’
I pulled back, letting Stef’s cock spring free. There was a gap in the circle now, and Liv was standing there, staring at me aghast. The lights were coming on.
‘She just leapt off the stage,’ I heard someone say. ‘The crazy bitch.’
I looked up at Stef and then turned to Chris. Stef looked shocked and annoyed. He started to stuff his cock back into his jeans, swearing. Chris just looked guilty. He held up his hands and shook his head.
‘Hey!’ said Stef, as Liv grabbed my wrist and pulled me to my feet. ‘She was loving it.’
Liv dragged me through the crowded room, towards the exit.
‘She’s not herself,’ she kept repeating to people as we passed them. ‘She’s been through a lot recently.’
I wanted to argue, to tell her to leave me alone, but I couldn’t. Now I was on my feet again, I felt sick and dizzy.
‘For Christ’s sake, Grace,’ she said, as she dragged me up the stairs and out into the cool of the Islington evening. ‘You’ve got to get a grip. I know it’s been tough, but you can’t go around behaving like that…you just can’t.’