Too easily, I realised suddenly. She was beautiful, she was intriguing but, most of all, she was all over the place. Less than an hour ago, she’d been heading to her ruin with a gang of complete strangers. Only a few minutes ago, she’d still been pushing me away. She could turn on a sixpence and I couldn’t tell whether she really wanted this, or if she was just going with the flow. I couldn’t take the risk. I didn’t want her to regret it, to think about it the next morning and curse her stupidity…curse me for taking advantage of her.
I remembered her, standing on the steps of Ffyvells, her make-up smeared and her face a blur of tears. I didn’t want her hurt any more than she’d already been hurt and, more even than that, I didn’t want to be hurt myself. Not again. I hadn’t thought there was a woman left in the world that could possibly hurt me. The sudden realisation that one existed, and that she was here, her soft mouth open under mine, her body enwrapped in my arms, made me take a physical step backwards.
She seemed to come to her senses then. She blinked, as if coming out of a dream, and looked around her, pulling my jacket closer around her, as if for protection. That did it.
‘Come on, then,’ I said. ‘Let’s get you home.’
She flushed and looked away, with a small, embarrassed laugh. ‘I wasn’t…’ she said. ‘I mean, I’m over that for tonight …’
I held the door open for her, and she dipped down into the car, catching my eye briefly as she did so. I couldn’t work out her expression. It might have been shame, it might have been regret. It might have been something quite other - I had no way of knowing – but those final words of hers sent a chill through me.
I’m over that for tonight.
Before I started the car, I turned to her. ‘You know, if you think you will end up in that…kind of position…again, I can help you.’
She went to speak but, at that moment, her phone rang. Her reaction was immediate. She gave a strangled squawk, and jumped visibly. She fished in her bag and snatched out her mobile, her hands trembling.
‘You’d better take me home,’ she said, staring at the screen.
I wondered who could be calling her to turn her into such a bag of nerves. I waited, to give her time to answer it, but she just continued to stare at it in horror. I put my hand across the back of her seat to reverse out and, as I turned my head, I saw a name on the screen.
Leo
Twenty Seven
Leo rang at least a dozen more times on the way back to Chiswick. We sat in silence, my body still buzzing from his touch but my mind a million miles away, wondering how I was ever going to be able to face Leo now.
I looked over at my driver. He had his eyes on the road and didn’t look up, but he must have wondered why I didn’t just answer, and I could hardly explain to him that I couldn’t face it…couldn’t face telling Leo I was out with him.
My phone had been on ever since I’d left the house, and he hadn’t rung, so I’d thought maybe he’d given up. I couldn’t have been more wrong. From the frequency of the calls and the length of time he let each one ring, he was clearly determined to get through to me. I felt hunted, as if he knew where I was and who I was with, and was desperate to put a stop to it. I knew if I spoke to him, he’d hear the guilt in my voice.
Guilt? Like I owed him any loyalty! I’d have been furious, if I weren't so scared. I knew I must look stupid, not answering. Stupid and immature. I was half tempted to take the call in the end…to tell him I was out with another man and it was none of his damned business…but I knew that wouldn’t cut any ice with Leo.
So I just sat there next to that beautiful man, feeling small and embarrassed and out of place, and with the phone ringing practically non-stop. He didn’t say a word, just steered his car through the quiet night time streets of West London, as if nothing was amiss. He must have known it was Leo. Who else would have been ringing me so insistently? Who else would I want to avoid talking to?
As we swept into Liv’s road, a text came in. I read it, my heart thumping as the reality of the situation hit me.
Having fun are we, Princess? Don’t think I didn’t see you on TV with Kitty. You need to sort it out babe and get home. Or else.
I threw the phone down, as if it were on fire.
‘Listen.’ He pulled over outside Liv’s, and looked at me, his blue eyes calm and steady. He reached his hand out to my breast, and I shrank back. What the hell did he think he was doing? For all he knew, Leo could’ve found out where I was staying and be lying in wait.
‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘Calm down. I’m just trying to get something out of that jacket.’
Twenty Eight
I see now that this was where I made my latest mistake. Christ, I seemed to be totally inept, but her reaction to the phone calls had distracted me. Why the hell did she seem so frightened? It was her ex, for fuck’s sake. The shit that had sent her off in a tail spin in the first place. What the hell did she have to be worried about? I didn’t like it at all.
Whatever the reason, I could see she was a bundle of nerves, and I gave up on trying to get a card myself. I hadn’t put any in my jacket this evening, but I knew I had some in the pocket of the one I’d been wearing earlier.
‘Look. It’s okay,’ I repeated, trying to sound reassuring. ‘In the pocket of my jacket…can you get out a business card?’
She felt around in the pockets until she finally withdrew her hand, clutching a small white card. She’d obviously picked out two by mistake because, as she passed it to me, another fluttered to the floor by her foot. I was distracted again, looking for a pen in the glove box, and hardly noticed it. I took the one she gave me and flipped it over. I wrote a quick message on the back, before pressing it into her hand.
I looked her in the eyes. ‘Don’t,’ I said. ‘Do anything like that again. At least, not without speaking to me first, okay?’
She gave a brief nod.
‘I mean it,’ I said. ‘If you’re going to do it anyway, don’t do it like that. Don’t end up plastered across the papers or, worse, dead in some gutter. Call me. Do you promise?’
‘I promise,’ she said in a small voice, shrugging off my jacket before opening the car door. She looked up and down the street, as if scared to get out of the car. After a moment or two, she seemed calmer and went to get out. I put my hand on her soft, bare arm briefly, and she turned back to look at me.
‘It’s all right now,’ I said. ‘I have your back.’
She nodded briefly, and got out. The car seemed empty, suddenly, without her - the only sign she’d been there; my jacket in a puddle on the seat.
Just then, a text came in. It was from Rick, on the same throw-away phone he’d contacted me on before.
Scratch that last. Make it a oner.
A oner? I stared at it for a moment. What did he mean…one hundred grand…one mill?
I knew in my heart it was the latter. It had to be. That was why he’d written it like that. He knew he was pushing his luck, and he didn’t quite have the guts to spell it out. A cool million. This changed everything. There was no way I was going to be able to get that by tomorrow. There was no way he was going to get it at all. Christ, it was just one more damned thing. Everything was going to shit.