I wanted to believe him, to make it all okay again. I just didn’t know how. ‘I don’t know, Leo. I can’t… What if I’d never found out? Would you have come home with a little gift for me?’
‘Wh…what do you mean?’
He looked genuinely puzzled, so I spelt it out for him. Literally. ‘An STD, Leo? Chlamydia, gonorrhoea, God – I don’t know – AIDS?’
‘Oh, come on, babe.’ He almost laughed. ‘We’re footballers, not fucking idiots. We always… We used something.’
I stared at him for a moment more. Always… ‘Footballers…idiots… it’s the same thing to me.’ I turned and walked into the kitchen, trying to focus. At least I’d stopped crying – my anger had seen to that – but I didn’t know what to do or say. We’d built a whole life here together, Mum was right, and the flat – I’d never be able to afford it on my own. We’d been together over nine years. Was I going to throw it all away?
He followed me out and came up behind me. He wrapped one arm around my waist, lifted up my hair with the other, and started to nuzzle my neck. I actually shuddered. He laughed, as if he couldn’t believe it. ‘Come on, babe. It was nothing. Less than nothing. Just lads together. If you’d come with us…’
I rounded on him. ‘Don’t you dare blame this on me.’
He held his hands up, and stepped backwards. ‘I…I’m sorry. I just meant…’
‘I know exactly what you meant, you… you fucker.’
He didn’t say anything for a moment, then laughed again. ‘I’ve never heard you swear, babe. Come on…’ He came in towards me, putting his hands on my hips, and looked me in the eyes, so straight and true I knew he was lying. ‘She was nothing to me…to any of us. You’re everything…my world. I’ll prove it to you.’ He took my hand, and led me upstairs. I wanted it to be all right. I wanted him to make it all right, and I let him take me.
Once upstairs, he led me into the bedroom. ‘We’re solid, Princess.’ He took me in his arms, and began to kiss me gently.
I don’t think, in all the time I’d been with him, I’d ever kissed him with my eyes open, but I did then. I stared at him, taking in the soft curl of his lashes…the folds of his eyelids…the tiny pits from the acne he’d still had, when I’d first met him seven years ago…everything except his kiss. I felt wooden, just a receptacle for his tongue.
He opened his eyes and jolted slightly as he noticed me staring. He pulled away and looked at me, smiling slightly. ‘Come on, babe. It’s you and me.’
He walked me, backwards, to the bed and lifted my skirt up around my waist, before pushing me down onto it, pressing my thighs apart as he did so. ‘I’ll make it better,’ he said, smiling down at me.
I just lay there.
Better to get it over with right away, or I’ll never do it. I need to claim him back this instant. It was the only thing that made any sense in my desperate state. I needed to move forward… forget about Hull and everything to do with it.
‘I’ll take you with me next time, even if you’re dying. I’ll make you come.’ He unbuttoned his jeans. ‘In fact,’ he added, determination in his eyes. ‘I’ll make you come right now.’
He pushed down his jeans, and got on top of me, leaning on his hands. ‘I’m gonna make you come like you’ve never come before.’
I could feel the hardness of him, pressing down across my mound, as he let himself sink onto me. How could he be ready so quickly? How could he want it at all?
Well, he hadn’t had it since the previous night, presumably. God, I didn’t even know. He’d better be planning on using something, anyway. Or he’s not getting any further. Not after… I tried to block it out, but I couldn’t.
He started to kiss my neck, then my face, and all I could think was; is that what he said to her? Is this what he did when he fucked her? Did he look to her like he looks to me now?
Revulsion coursed up through me, until I thought I was going to be sick. I pushed him off. ‘Get away from me, you filthy, disgusting bastard, and get out of here. Get out!’
He didn’t argue. He didn’t do much of anything…just stood there, his jeans puddled around his ankles, looking bleak. Finally, he dragged them up and fumbled with the fly, then turned and left the room.
I heard the door slam a few minutes later, and came downstairs. I actually felt glad. I was sick already of feeling sick and empty. My whole world was shattered, as if it were ice in a puddle and he’d stamped on it. At that moment, I hated him.
Eight
As I made my way across the car park to the group of cars clustered in the far corner, several more cars pulled in. More of my men. They’d arrived later than me, as instructed, masking my arrival as inconsequential. I’d never met the girl, and I didn’t think she’d recognise me - most people didn’t, and I liked it that way - but it was always worth the extra details. The others, she wouldn’t know. They were cherry-picked for their discretion and low profiles. Well, amongst other things.
The car park was rough and unshod, and I picked my way across it, watching them. The whole place smelled earthy, tinged with the fresh, slightly astringent scent of juniper. They drove slowly and carefully, avoiding the rain-soaked potholes. They clearly wanted to avoid damage to their vehicles. Expensive cars were one of their perks, and I’d left mine at the entrance for the same reason. I saw Alex’s Merc, parked by a tree, and was glad he was already there. I needed everything on tape. He’d obviously been in a rush – his car was sitting slantwise, as if he’d parked in a hurry. I hoped he hadn’t missed anything.
For the first time, I wondered if our cars might give us away. I was so used to the best of everything, it hadn’t occurred to me until now that your average dogger probably wouldn’t be able to afford a high-end car. I was relying now on the fact that Felicity moved in a similar circle to me, and wouldn’t notice the anachronism. Even so, I was glad I’d parked over the other side. My Aston would have been a dead give-away.
I reached the cluster of cars just as my remaining men were getting out. They were watchers, like me. They could rub their cocks, but they couldn’t take part. They were there to keep an eye out for members of the public, and to cover for me. If I were the only one not taking part, I’d stand out. We made our way, one by one, over to where the action was about to take place. Her car was in the corner, in the middle of the rest, and overhung with trees.
The inner light was on and, as I caught sight of her, a brief gush of relief washed through me. I could tell right away she wouldn’t have noticed our cars, even if they were on fire. She was already too busy, gobbling cock through her open car window. At the same time, my heart sank. Later that evening, I was going to have to break the news to Giles that his assessment of his little darling was way off the mark.
I held back from the guys gathered around her driver door. They were groaning and sighing as they took turns to push their meat into her mouth.
‘Yeah, good girl, Felicity,’ I heard Matt, one of my best, say. ‘Eat it all up.’
Christ, she’d even given them her real name. What was she thinking of? Was she even thinking at all? It didn’t seem like it. Her eyes glinted as she licked along the length of his cock, but they were unfocused, as if she was looking somewhere else entirely, and she was smiling in what I could only think was bliss.
To be honest, from what I could see, she didn’t look as bad as reports had suggested. The only photos I’d seen hadn’t given much away. Taken at some summer ball or other, they’d been group shots, gaggles of drunken undergrads pissing away their student loans in a beer tent. Not that she’d ever needed a loan. Maybe that was why she’d look distant and set apart from the rest. Money could do that to you.