“Gee, I don’t know, Mr. Taylor.” I spread my arms wide, throwing every ounce of fury into my words and enunciating it with my body language. “Maybe so something like this wouldn’t happen? Had I known that over the river and through the woods, to Axel Taylor’s house I go…I wouldn’t have made the trip! But I’m glad I know how you really feel. This was a good thing—me stumbling over here like this. Because now I know that you see me as…what, Axel? A stalker? Some kid who’d randomly stop by your house and peek through the windows? Do you think of me as a peeping Tom? Or maybe you’re worried I’d come by when you’re not home and sneak inside to rifle through your underwear drawer and curl up in your bed. Fuck you.” I spun on my heel and took off toward the line of trees.
“Aubrey! Wait!” He must’ve only taken three steps before reaching me, grabbing my upper arm and pulling me into his hard body. In the process of halting my escape, he managed to turn me around so that when I fell into him, my face slammed against his bare chest. His warm, sweaty, bare chest.
I froze, unable to move or fight back. Somehow, my hands ended up on his sides, just above the waistband of his jeans. The fingers of one hand remained wrapped around my upper arm while the others cautiously caressed my back. I could hear the harsh, angry beats of his heart through his chest, thumping against my ear like heavy bass through a speaker. Or was that the sound of my own heartbeat deafening me?
“Bree…that’s not what I meant.”
He moved his hand from my upper back to the side of my face, threading his long fingers through the strands of hair next to my ear. He kept it there for a beat before using that hold to pull my head away, angling it until we were face to face. His eyes clouded over with an intense darkness, and even though I wanted to look away, I couldn’t. The usually bright-blue color came to life with a hypnotizing depth, holding me hostage and defenseless against it. I became instantly powerless to stop the hold his fierce stare had over me.
“You’re taking my words out of context. You know I don’t think those things about you. If I did, would I continue talking to you every night? No. If I thought, even for a second, that befriending you would be hazardous to my safety or dangerous to either of us, I would have never started this to begin with. I didn’t tell you where I live for several reasons, but none of them are even close to your assumptions.”
I skimmed my hands over his sides and up his front, pressing them flat to the center of his solid, hairless chest. His skin reminded me of a layer of silk over hard rock. This was definitely not a boy’s body. It belonged to a man.
That one move offered me some distance from him. It put a barrier between us. Even if my small hands were no match against his strength, it still gave me a tiny sense of security. In a span of two minutes, my only friend had managed to flip my entire world upside down, leaving me with the worst case of vertigo.
“But you said I have no business at your house…”
“Yes,” he said softly, punctuating his one word with a slow nod. “I said that because it’s true. It wasn’t meant to be mean.”
I swallowed and attempted to lower my gaze, needing to break eye contact, but he wouldn’t allow it, tipping my chin up with a finger. “You said you had several reasons. What are they? If that’s not what you meant, then tell me why.” My voice was quiet but strong, unwavering in my demand for answers.
He blinked a few times. Dark lashes that would make any woman jealous rested on his cheeks before reaching his eyebrows again. When he exhaled, his warm breath fluttered across my face, reminding me of a summer’s breeze. Then, once he seemed composed enough to continue, his eyes met mine again. This time, instead of fierce intensity, they grew troubled. He seemed sad, or possibly distraught. Guarded even. Panic filled me as I watched him struggle for words. Tingling fear that started in my toes, worked its way up my body until my hands shook against his chest and unshed tears stabbed the backs of my eyes.
“Bree…”
“Just get it over with, Axel,” I begged, my chest heaving with short pants, none deep enough to fill my lungs properly. My head began to spin, and the metallic taste on my tongue warned me of an impending blackout if my brain didn’t receive oxygen soon. “Stop beating around the bush and spit it out. You can’t possibly hurt me more than you already have, so stop trying to protect me and just fucking say it.”
“I’m not trying to protect you. I’m trying to protect myself.” His words came out rough and scratchy, yet filled with air. They sounded desperate, heavy with emotion that I couldn’t comprehend. “And maybe I’m also protecting you, but not the way you think.”
The lack of oxygen to my brain must’ve been worse than I originally thought, because in the blink of an eye, my hands had gone from his chest, where they kept him at a distance, to his face, cupping his unshaven cheeks and pulling him closer to me. So close that every breath he took put pressure on my breasts.
“Tell me,” I whispered desperately.
He lowered his forehead to mine and opened his mouth to speak.
“You told me weeks ago about how I confused you. You explained how easy it is for girls to become attached to someone who shows them affection. Remember that? And we agreed to keep it simple, to not blur the details of our friendship. The smart thing to do would be to put distance between us and keep our relationship strictly professional. I’d remain the teacher and nothing more, and you would be no different than any other student in my class. I’d still be there for you if you needed me. If things at home got out of hand, if you got hurt or your mom crossed a line again. I’d still make myself available to you for those reasons, and those reasons alone. Not to chat with at night before bed. Not to leave funny jokes on my desk or talk about what you made for dinner.”
I closed my eyes and braced myself for the fallout of my only friendship.
“But I can’t do that. I’ve thought about it, I won’t lie. I know that’s the safest decision, the smartest thing to do. But I can’t. I look forward to your calls, your texts. The highlight of my day is first thing in the morning before the bell rings when I get five minutes with you. I genuinely enjoy our conversations and feel like I can talk about anything with you. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I don’t want to give that up.”
I pulled my head away, breaking the contact of our foreheads so I could look him in the eye. “I don’t understand then. You’re not making a bit of sense to me. This doesn’t answer why you wouldn’t tell me that we’re neighbors.”
His hands dropped to his sides, releasing his hold on me, so I dropped mine, too. I felt like a fish out of water, my emotions flopping around, not knowing what to do or say. I didn’t know what to do with my hands, so I crossed them over my chest, even though I wasn’t cold. I didn’t know what to look at, but I couldn’t find it within me to break our stare. Confusion like I’d never felt before consumed me, leaving me silently pleading for answers, because what he said sounded a lot like he had feelings for me that went beyond the friendly kind we’d agreed upon. But I wouldn’t allow my mind to go there without his verbal confirmation. And I had no idea how I’d feel either way.
“Bree, when you call, I answer. When you text, I respond. When you walk into my classroom, everything else stops until that bell rings. Don’t you see? If I’d told you where I live, and you happened to stop by—be it out of boredom or just to say hi—I wouldn’t be able to stop you. I wouldn’t be able to turn you away. And what would happen if someone saw you here? I’m sure our neighbors know your age, and they can guess mine. What do you think they’d do? Because I can bet they’d go to your mom and let her know that her sixteen-year-old daughter was at a twenty-something-year-old man’s house. I’m a big boy. I can handle her on my own. Things might get shitty for me, but we’ve done nothing wrong, so I can deal with her.