“Jerk,” I said, smiling at him and running my fingers through his shock of deep red hair. “Come on Francis, spill it. Who is she? How did you meet her? When’s the big day?” I used his middle name, in the way we sometimes did within our sibling pack. His was the only one that seemed to suit him, so it got used more often than anyone else’s.
He shot me a quick, odd look, then focused on the windshield. “Her name’s Melinda, she’s a lawyer. We met online. For now, that last one’s a little up in the air, but it is technically set for next summer.”
“Technically, huh?” I said as I studied his profile and sensed my protective hackles rise in relation to his obvious unhappiness. “I think I don’t care for her already.”
He snorted and floored it to pass a truck before making the exit onto interstate 64. “Better take a number.”
“Oh?” I wanted a cigarette right then so bad I almost tried to light another one.
“She’s not a Love family favorite.”
“Well, shit, Francis, Mama hated Crystal, too, but Antony didn’t care. She’ll get over it.” I closed my eyes and let the wind whip my hair every which way, nervous and anxious at the thought of seeing her again—my mother, whom I had managed to avoid for the better part of three years now.
Kieran made a noise, so I looked over at him in time to catch him wincing while he adjusted his super-long legs in preparation for the forty-five minute drive ahead. Kieran had played basketball on scholarship at the University of Kentucky, or “Basketball Mecca,” as it’s known in my family. After a few years playing overseas once he graduated, he managed to land a spot on an NBA team in Florida.
I was with Mama and Daddy watching him play, reluctantly, and only half caring about it, when he broke his leg and shattered his knee in a freakish accident. I thought Daddy was gonna have a heart attack while we watched the drama unfold, live, on television. Mama had been her usual steady self at first, but Kieran told me when she first saw him in the hospital bed in Miami she’d totally lost it.
I patted his leg. “Hurts still?” He nodded.
“Going to therapy regular now. Went this morning, and I always hurt way more afterwards. Oh, get this, guess who my physical therapist is?”
“No clue,” I said, taking a deep breath when the urge to upload nicotine hit me hard again.
“Cara.”
“Cooper?” I studied his profile, knowing that having the girl he’d loved for so long, and who dumped him their second year at college, turn up again—as his physical therapist, no less—would not be an easy thing. “Why’s she here?”
“Working. Oh, and being engaged to some rich guy, it would seem.” His voice stayed neutral, but I heard the underlying unhappiness, which hit me hard. Kieran was the single one of my pack of brothers not completely focused on his own needs. I forgot sometimes how much the loss of the one thing he’d loved, and had worked so hard to achieve, would be for him. And now, this?
“Well, whaddaya know, Little Miss Cara Cooper back in Lucasville.”
“Not for long. Her fiancé is moving them over to Oldham County soon.” He named the rich community near Louisville that had once been nothing but farm country.
“Well. Good for her, then.”
He nodded but didn’t elaborate. I sighed. Love family drama never ceased. While I hadn’t missed it, per se, I took a bit of comfort in its familiar contours.
“I think Antony is finally getting real with Rosie,” Kieran said about ten minutes later.
“Rosie Norris? I didn’t even know they were … never mind. Good for her and for him. They both deserve a little happiness. God knows Antony’s been flagellating himself way too long.”
“Yeah. It’s good. Mama loves her to pieces of course.”
His distinct emphasis on the pronoun made me suppress a giggle. My brothers—oldest and stoic Antony, sweetheart peacemaker Kieran, over-the-top troublemaker Dominic, and bookworm brainiac baby Aiden—never ever stopped competing with each other, no matter what they claimed.
I smiled, admitting to myself that I wanted to see them, that I’d missed them all, for four completely different reasons.
“How’s Daddy?”
Kieran sighed and stretched his right arm out across the seat, draping it there and driving with two fingers of his left hand—a distinctive posture I’d seen with every one of my brothers and my father. “He needs you. And I don’t know for how long.”
I frowned. “Well, I can’t promise I’ll—” The thought of an indefinite stay in my old room in the house where I’d spent so many miserable years trying to please my mother, and failing time and again, made my stomach churn.
“Don’t make any decisions now. Let’s see how this dinner goes—what we find out about the treatment and all that, Okay? Promise?” He glanced at me, his green eyes narrowed.
“I’ll make that promise to you, Francis. I’ll give Daddy whatever support he needs.”
He nodded and returned his attention to the gray strip of interstate. I had nothing more to say. I knew how frustrating it must be to my brothers, knowing I had such a strange sort of relationship with my mother. But they got her full attention, her total self, her complete, unconditional love. What I got from her was something else entirely, and I’d already spent too many years trying to figure out what I’d done wrong.
Chapter Five
I’ll admit that the moment I saw her, I burst into tears.
Probably because she was ensconced in the one room I associated with her fully, her kingdom, the kitchen.
When Kieran carried my suitcase in and set it by the front door, I held a finger to my lips, indicating he should stay quiet. I don’t know why. My mother and I certainly didn’t have a “surprise! I’m here!” relationship. The house felt so sickeningly familiar yet comforting at the same time, I needed a minute to absorb it.
I stood, watching her, standing shoulder to upper arm with my favorite brother, tears burning. She looked so very old, so drawn. Still bossy as ever, but her boyish figure was even thinner than I remembered. At that moment the concept of a world without my mother in it truly made me physically ill.
As if sensing my presence, she turned.
“Well, isn’t this a nice surprise,” she said. “What a crying shame I had to go and catch cancer to get you to come home for a visit.”
“Mama,” Kieran replied, his voice a low warning I recognized from all the years I’d spent letting my brothers and my father run interference for me. My anger eased some of my sadness, followed quickly by a kind of relief at resumption of the status quo. Before I could walk closer, to hug or to slap her—I wasn’t a hundred percent sure which—a commotion from the upper hall distracted us both.
“Look who’s here!”
I grinned and launched myself at my oldest brother Antony, reveling in his low laugh and strong arms. When he put me down, I noticed Rosie Norris standing near him. I gave her a quick hug, hoping my grumpy oldest sibling might actually find a bit of happiness and peace with quietly efficient, pretty widow. While I was talking to her, Aiden grabbed me from behind, threw me over his shoulder, ran out, and dumped me in the pool.
The dinner conference, or whatever the hell it was supposed to be, was a train wreck. In a strange way, it was nice to know nothing had really changed in the years since I’d absented myself from the Love Family Drama.
The only thing I felt sure of, that my father was utterly miserable about his wife’s medical prognosis, kept me at his side most of the night. My mother and I had yet to even truly greet one another, given all the various revelations and interruptions … up to and including her inviting a total stranger to eat and share in our current trauma.
Margot Hamilton was a therapist, I thought, whom Mama had befriended and decided in her usual “I’ve got this” fashion would be a positive addition to our family conversation. She was wrong, but I couldn’t help but notice the strange way Antony kept staring at her, and she at him.