“Ah.” I tried to sound knowledgeable but inside I was floundering around like a drowning kitten. This was unfamiliar ground.
“He cared for me but I don’t know if he ever truly loved me. There’s a difference.” She sipped her tea before continuing. “We were teenagers. Hormones in flux and all that. We were dating and it was pretty serious for about one year.” She smiled into her mug. “I thought he was going to ask my father for my hand.”
I shoved another scone in my mouth to avoid thinking too loudly.
“There was another girl who had her eye on him. He liked her too—not enough to drop me but enough to make me wonder about the depth of his love, his dedication to me.”
I shifted on the couch. This was not something I needed to hear.
“She told Eddy she loved him and knew he loved her more than he loved me. Eddy, God bless him, wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to make us both happy but since Felis don’t have polygamous relationships he knew he’d have to pick one.”
“He didn’t pick.” I could see where this was going. “He didn’t want to hurt either one of you so he didn’t pick.”
Jess nodded. “She challenged me, figuring it would settle the situation once and for all.” She gestured at her scar. “I underestimated her badly, underestimated how much she cared for Eddy.” Jess stared at me. “Edward Desjardin. Your father.”
I almost fell off the couch. Jazz trilled and bumped my hip again, sensing my confusion.
“My mom did that?” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“One helluva fighter.” Jess traced the narrow gouge. “She fought for your father. She didn’t mean to do this. This was an accident. A slip, a fall, and this happened.” A sad smile appeared. “I never held it against Grace. Not when I saw how happy they were together. On my best days with Eddy we were never that happy together. He and Grace were a perfect match, perfect mates.”
“You and my dad.” I wasn’t sure whether to be revolted, terrified or just confused.
“Afterwards we became close pals, the three of us.” She wagged a finger in the air. “Not that way, before your dirty little mind goes there. Grace and Eddy knew they could count on me to be there.”
“Then why...” I coughed on the words clogging my throat. The scars across my back throbbed as if they’d been reopened. “This.” I waved over my shoulder with my one good hand, unable to speak the words.
Jess looked down, fumbling with the half-empty mug of tea. “I thought you had more of your mother in you, the fighting spirit I saw when she challenged me for your father. I thought if I attacked you, forced you into a corner, your Felis nature would come out.”
A single tear broke free from her right eye. It slowly dribbled down her cheek, curling up under her chin.
She swallowed hard before speaking. “I was wrong.”
I wasn’t sure what to say in response, if anything.
“When your parents died I promised myself I’d take care of you, guide you into a power position in the Pride.” Jess sniffled, making a halfhearted swipe at her nose with one hand. “I figured your...disability was a mental thing, something we could work through. After their accident, when you stopped being able to Change, the doctors couldn’t find anything physically wrong with you so...” She stopped speaking.
“So you thought you’d beat it out of me.” The words came out harsher than I meant and I regretted them as soon as they escaped my mouth.
“Yes.” The whispered response ripped the healed wounds open as easily as if she’d clawed me again. “And I’m sorry about it. I was wrong.” She drew a stuttering breath. “We were wrong. The Board made the decision but I went along with it. I thought if it was me it’d be different, it’d call up your mother’s blood...” She looked down, shaking her head and falling silent.
I couldn’t begin to sort through the emotions swirling around in my mind and heart, thoughts bashing and crashing into each other as I looked back on the decades I’d spent exiled from my home and family.
And yet...
I closed my eyes, trying to figure out what I thought and felt after the first surge of rage and sadness.
Where I was, what I was, existed solely because of my past. All the missteps and all the decisions from both the Felis and me had led to my being here.
With Bran.
I put my mug down and reached across the tray to take Jess’s free hand.
“I understand.”
Her fingers tightened on mine for a long minute, her gaze riveted on the floor.
I swallowed hard. “You did what you thought was right—like Bernadette.”
Her head shot up and I saw a flash of anger in her good eye before it dimmed to a sad nod. “That’s why I had to tell you this. Family secrets. Some of them don’t deserve to be kept.”
I shifted, feeling the tightness across my back. “I’m not going to thank you for it but things worked out okay.” I looked around the living room. “I’m here. And I have Bran. Wouldn’t have any of that if I’d stayed on the farm.”
“Be a lot easier if you stayed out of trouble,” she growled.
I resisted the urge to smile. There was the Jess I loved and feared.
I also knew I wouldn’t be able to turn down the next request for help from Jess, not with a clear conscience. I’d racked up a shitload of IOUs with the family and it’d take time to pay them all off.
“Thanks for the help with Liam.” I shifted the conversation into safe ground. “I felt better knowing he was safe.”
“Glad to do it. Been a while since I held a baby. Sort of missed it.” She stood up and put the cup on the tray. Her nose wrinkled. “Except for the diapers. That I definitely did not miss.”
I couldn’t help laughing. A full diaper smelled bad enough for me—I couldn’t imagine how much stinkier it smelled with Jess’s heightened senses.
Jess cleared her throat, once again the badass Felis Board member. “Now that you’re back I’m going to head to the farm. Too much excitement for one day for this old lioness.”
“You’re welcome to stay here for the night.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized it. It’d been the politest thing I’d said to her in months.
The scars on my back didn’t ache.
She smiled. “Thanks, but your mate’s going to be home soon and I don’t want to interfere in the discussion you two are going to have. I’m no dummy—I know when to get out of the way.” She snatched up her leather jacket from the coat rack standing near the front door. “Besides, I’m a light sleeper. Be too uncomfortable to stay awake all night listening to the two of you making up.”
Jess trotted out before I could come up with a snappy retort.
I stood up, every bone and muscle aching from the mental and physical abuse I’d endured over the past day. Jazz mewed before rolling into the warm spot I’d vacated.
The front door was unlocked. I headed toward it, planning to barricade myself in the house for at least a few hours until dawn. It’d been a long strange day and I wanted to climb into a hot shower and scrub all the strange off.
A familiar scent drifted in, replacing Jess’s.
I inhaled deeply, feeling the aches and pains starting to be replaced by a calmness, a steadiness only one person could create. I walked out the front door.
Bran stood in the front yard. He had his back to me and stared up at the night sky. On good nights you could actually spot stars through the ever-present city haze.
It was a good night.
A full moon helped illuminate the grass and rosebushes lining the small patch of dirt, giving them an otherworldly look.
He stood there, his hands in his pockets, looking up. I walked up beside him and glanced subtly at his left side. A small bandage ran across the top of his nose. The blood was gone and I caught the smell of antiseptic wipes.