“Okay,” Whitney said calmly, “when I was fourteen I wanted to be a nun, and my brother wanted to convert to Judaism so he could have a bar mitzvah, and have a big party to celebrate. None of those things happened, and I don’t think Katie is going to move to Iran. Besides, he’s an American. He probably doesn’t want to live in Iran either, for whatever reason. This is his home now.”
“He says he still has relatives there. An uncle and aunt, and a lot of cousins. What if he moves back and she goes with him?” Annie didn’t want to lose her to anyone, in any country. Katie was still her baby.
“I have a cousin in Iceland,” Whitney added. “I’m not moving there. Annie, you have to let go. You did a fantastic job with them, they’re wonderful and your sister would be proud of you, but they’re grown up. They have to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. Maybe one of them will marry someone you hate one day, but I don’t think any of them are ready to get married yet, not even Lizzie, and she’s old enough. And if they really fuck it up and do make a horrible mistake, which can happen to anyone, from any culture, you still have to sit back and watch from the sidelines. It’s their life. What you need is a life of your own. You can’t hang on to them forever and live theirs or stop them from making mistakes. That’s the deal. Once they grow up, they belong to themselves, not to us. It’s horrible, and I’m going to hate it with my boys when one of them comes home with some raving bitch, but it’s going to be their life, and their turn, not mine. Annie, you’ve got to get a life. You put in sixteen years for them, you fulfilled your vow to Jane and then some. Now get off the bench and get back in the game yourself. I want you to find a guy.”
“I don’t want a guy. I’m happy the way I am. I want them to be happy, and I’m not just going to sit here with my mouth shut if they screw up their lives or make some dumb mistake.”
“You can’t stop them,” Whitney said firmly, and Annie hated hearing it and even more knowing she was right.
“Why not?”
“Because we don’t have that right. It’s not healthy for you, or for them. They’re grown up, whether you like it or not. You made your mistakes, let them make theirs.”
“What mistakes did I make?” Annie asked, sounding surprised.
“You gave up your life for them,” Whitney said gently, and Annie didn’t answer. She had, but it had been the right thing to do at the time, and she had no regrets about it. The last sixteen years had been the best years of her life. And the hardest thing for her to adjust to was that it was over now. She had done her job. It was time to open the cage and let them fly, even if Katie wound up living far away or in a different culture. If that was the choice she made, no one could stop her, nor had the right to. Not even Annie.
“I don’t know if I can just sit back and watch,” Annie said honestly.
“You have no other choice,” Whitney said simply. “Your job is over. They’re going to lead their own lives no matter what.” It was a bitter pill to swallow. It was hard enough living with the empty nest. Watching them make decisions that might cause them unhappiness later was even harder. “You’ve been lucky so far, and you’ve done a good job. I don’t think they’re going to screw it up now. And if they do, you can’t stop them. All you can do is help them pick up the pieces later, if they let you. And Katie could be just as unhappy marrying a guy from Paris or London or New Jersey.”
“I hate this part,” Annie said miserably, “where what they do now impacts their future. The stakes are so much higher as they get older. It was so much easier when they were little.”
“No, it wasn’t. You were scared shitless you were doing it wrong with someone else’s kids. You’ve just forgotten.”
“Maybe I have,” Annie said sadly. “He’s a nice boy,” she said about Paul. “I like him. I just don’t want her to wind up halfway around the world, living in Tehran. I don’t want to lose her.”
“Have a little faith in Katie. She’s not going to want that either. She’s very close to all of you, and she’ll probably wind up living in New York. Besides, Paul lives in New York, and so do his parents. Stop imagining that she’s marrying him and moving around the world. You’re driving yourself crazy for nothing.” Whitney tried to calm her down, and Annie knew that what she had said was true. As agonizing as it was, she was going to have to learn to let go one of these days, and maybe that time had come, whether she liked it or not.
She was sitting on her bed thinking about it when Katie walked into the room. Paul had left. She had a dreamy look on her face and smiled shyly at her aunt. Annie’s heart sank when she saw her. She had never seen anyone so in love. And being that much in love put her at serious risk for a broken heart if things didn’t work out as she hoped. And at twenty-one, no romance was likely to be forever. The last thing Annie wanted for her was to see her get hurt or even disappointed. She would have liked to keep her in a cocoon and protect her for the rest of her life.
“He’s a nice boy,” Annie said cautiously, not sure what else to say to someone who looked like she was floating on a cloud. “He has beautiful manners, he’s intelligent, and he’s very good looking, and he seems like a nice person.”
“He’s a wonderful person,” Katie said, instantly defending him, as though she thought she had to.
“I’m sure he is,” Annie said quietly, venturing into dangerous waters. “But he comes from a very different culture. It’s something for you to consider.” Katie glared at her with instant hostility in answer, ready to go to war, which was what Annie was afraid of. She didn’t want to lose her yet to, or over, this boy or any other. Nothing was worth that.
“What difference does it make? He’s American. He lives in New York, and he’s not going back to Iran, except to visit. His life is here, just like mine.”
“That’s good. But he may have different ideas than you do. His family isn’t American, or his relatives in Iran. I know you don’t think so, but that makes a difference. If you married him, how would you raise your children? What would he or his family expect of you? You’d always feel like an outsider or a foreigner. Katie, if you’re serious about him, you have to think about that. You come from different backgrounds. It worries me for you.” Annie was as honest with her as she could be in voicing her concerns.
“I can’t believe how bigoted you are. What bothers you? That his skin is darker than mine? Who fucking cares?”
“Of course not. But I’m concerned that his ideas are different than ours, maybe too different. His parents may think so too, about you.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Katie said with a look of youthful contempt. “You don’t even have a man in your life. You never have. You live like some kind of nun, for chrissake. What do you know about loving someone and building a life with them?”
“Not much,” Annie admitted with tears in her eyes. Katie had hit hard, and low. “I just want you to understand what you might be headed for. It’s true for any relationship. Backgrounds, family customs, and traditions do matter between two people, even if they love each other. I just want what’s best for you.” She didn’t respond to the rest of what Katie had said. She didn’t say that she had lived like a nun because she raised three kids at twenty-six, and the man she’d been in love with at the time had dumped her because she had taken on three children who weren’t her own, or that she hadn’t had time to take anyone seriously since, because she was too busy driving carpool and going to the orthodontist and soccer games. She said none of that and focused the conversation on Katie and Paul, where it belonged.
“I’ll do what seems right to me,” Katie said, staring at her in fury, and Annie nodded, remembering Whitney’s warnings to her an hour before, that it was their lives and they had a right to make their own mistakes and she had to let go. She was trying, but it was hard. And who knew if her relationship with Paul was a mistake? Maybe it wasn’t.