“I’m glad you did too.”
“I really mean it. You make me think everything’s going to be all right in my sometimes-crappy life.”
“Everyone’s life is crappy sometimes. Just find what makes you happy and forget all the other stuff. So… what’s the bad? Let’s get that out of the way.”
“Well, the bad isn’t really all that bad. Just… the same.”
“Daphne?”
“Yeah. She spent Thanksgiving with her guy.”
“Did they visit his family?”
“Oh, God no! He won’t do that while she’s still working at the club.”
“Wonderful,” I said. “Love the double standard.”
“You know it.”
“And she’s still pulling away from you?”
“Yeah,” she said with a sigh. “She hasn’t been home since last week. She still has a few things here—I think she’s too scared to officially break up with me—but it’s over. In all but name.”
“I’m sorry to hear. Why don’t you end it, for both of you?”
“I should, but…”
“Yeah, I know. Easier said than done.”
“Right.”
“You’re going to have to do it eventually. Or you’ll come home one day and she’ll be gone for good.”
“You know her so well.” She laughed, but it was forlorn.
“Yeah, I guess I do. I mean, she was my girlfriend too… at least for a while.”
“Yeah.”
“So be a grown-up and end it. Then you can be friends after. You know if she just disappears, you won’t hear from her again. Ever. She’ll feel too guilty.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I know it, but…”
“Easier said than done,” I repeated.
“Let’s talk about something happier.”
“Okay. What’s the good part of your Thanksgiving?”
“I had fun with the gallery owner and her friends. They’re mostly older than me, but they’re really cool women.”
“Romantic possibilities?”
“Yes, but not like you’re thinking. Not like I was thinking either.”
“Oh. How then?”
“Well, Max— Wait, lemme back up. The gallery owner is Maxine, but everyone calls her Max.”
“Got it.”
“Okay, so… Max.” She paused and considered her next words. “Let’s talk about the good first. Then the exciting, like you said.”
“Right.”
“So, the good: she definitely wants to help my career.”
“I’m not surprised. You’re really talented.”
“You’ve always said that, even when I was a total bitch to you.”
“’Cause it’s true.”
“Thanks. Sometimes I have a hard time believing it, though.”
“I know exactly what you mean.”
“Yeah, I guess you would. Anyway, Max can do a lot for my career. And I don’t have to sleep with her.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“I’m not sure,” she said with a laugh. “I mean, I was prepared for her to tell me I was spending the weekend. It wouldn’t’ve been the first time.”
“Yeah, I kinda figured,” I said.
“Maybe the first time a woman said it to me, but… it didn’t happen.”
“Oh?”
“No. I get the feeling she wouldn’t mind if I did, but on my terms.
That’s… new to me.”
“What? Someone treating you like a person instead of property?”
“You have no idea,” she said quietly.
“No, I don’t. But I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need your pity,” she flared.
“It isn’t pity. It’s… empathy.”
“Oh.”
“I’ve never been in your situation, but I know what it feels like to have someone treat you like a convenient sex toy.” I thought about Kendall, and sometimes even Gina. “I never really felt… powerless… but still.”
“Yeah, well… you have no idea.”
“No, I don’t. So… let’s talk about something happier. The gallery owner is interested?”
“Yeah, I think she is, but it wasn’t a power thing with her. I think she’d like to sleep with me—and believe it or not, I’d like to sleep with her—but it wasn’t a condition of the deal. She wants to take me under her wing and introduce me to people.”
“Art lovers or other lesbians?”
“Both. And you’d be surprised how many gay men she knows. They come to her gallery too. She’s the one who bought those pictures of you, by the way. I can always sell more prints from that session, but let me know if you ever want to model again. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said with a laugh. “Although I don’t know how I really feel
about gay guys looking at me like that.”
“If I can do it, so can you,” she said. “I mean, I never minded guys looking at me in the clubs. I didn’t wanna do anything else with them, even when I had to, but I didn’t mind them looking.”
“Makes sense,” I said. “But it probably took you a while to get used to it, right?”
“Not really. I mean, I always liked showing off. Especially after I developed. And that was before I realized what I was. What I am. So I thought I was supposed to like guys looking at me. I even tried to like them, but… they were losers or fucked me over.”
“Pretty common story, unfortunately,” I said. “I’m not ashamed to be a guy, but sometimes other guys give the rest of us a bad reputation.”
“I never met a good guy till you.”
“I can believe it.”
“That’s why it took me so long to admit it. You’re not like other guys.”
“I’m not like most guys,” I said. “There are other guys like me.”
“Yeah, well… I’ve never met ’em.”
“Fair enough. So… back to Max. She wants to take you under her wing?”
“Yeah. It’d help her too, though. For sure. That’s kind of what she does.
She finds young artists and promotes them. She takes her cut of the money, but I think she actually wants to help.”
“That’s pretty noble.”
“Well, she enjoys a lot of… um… fringe benefits,” she said with a laugh.
“I mean, I was ready to sleep with her if I thought it’d help my career. I think I wanna sleep with her even more now I know it isn’t expected.”
“Imagine that,” I said, semi-sarcastic, “free will is an aphrodisiac!”
“It kinda is,” she said with another laugh. “I mean, I almost wanted to sleep with you when I realized you weren’t going to try anything. Almost,”
she stressed.
“Thanks for clearing that up,” I said dryly. “So… Max? She’s the good news. What’s the exciting news?”
“Also Max, but…” She fell silent for a long time, and I wasn’t sure she’d continue. “I guess I can trust you,” she said at last. “You’ve told me about your deep, dark secrets.”
“True. So… what’s yours? One of them, at least. I suspect you have several.”
“You have no idea,” she said heavily.
“I just said I do. Now, what’s the first secret you’re ready to share?”
“It isn’t actually a secret. Just… part of my past. Well, part of who I am.
And I figure since you’re a swinger, you won’t think it’s perverted or degenerate or anything.”
“Probably not,” I agreed.
“So, back in the clubs…,” she began. Then she drew a deep breath.
“Okay, here goes. A lot of clubs have this… side… to them. The stuff that happens in the back rooms.”
“Right,” I said neutrally. I’d never really thought about strip clubs in terms of how many of the women were forced to have sex, but Sara had opened my eyes.
“Most guys are just there for the power. They hold it over us. Over them, the girls. But some guys, especially big CEO-types and powerful men, like to be… um… dominated.”
“Like… Domination and Submission?”