“Can I stop by?” he asked. Like he wanted it. “Say good night?”
“Reagan’s here,” Cath said. “She’s in the shower. I think she’s going to bed.”
“Can you come down?”
“Where would we go?” Cath asked.
“We could sit in my truck—”
“It’s freezing out.”
“We could run the heater.”
“The heater doesn’t work.”
He hesitated—“We could go to my house.”
“Aren’t your roommates home?” It was like she had a list of arguments, and she was going through them one by one—and she wasn’t even sure why anymore.
“It doesn’t matter,” Levi pushed. “I have my own room. Plus, they want to meet you.”
“I think I met most of them at the party.”
Levi groaned. “How many ground rules did Reagan give us?”
“I don’t know. Five, maybe? Six?”
“Okay, here’s seven: No more talking about that godforsaken party unless it’s absolutely relevant.”
Cath smiled. “But what will I have left to needle you with?”
“I’m sure you’ll come up with something.”
“I won’t,” she said. “You’re incessantly good to me.”
“Come home with me, Cath.” She could hear him smiling. “It’s early, and I don’t want to say good night.”
“I never want to say good night, but we still manage.”
“Wait, you don’t?”
“No,” she whispered.
“Come home with me,” he whispered back.
“To your den of iniquity?”
“Yes, that’s what everyone calls my room.”
“Gah,” Cath said. “I’ve told you. It’s just too much … your house. Your room. We’ll walk in, and all that will be in there is a bed. And I’ll throw up from nerves.”
“And desire?”
“Mostly nerves,” she said.
“Why is this such a big deal? All your room has in it is a bed.”
“Two beds,” she said, “and two desks. And the constant threat of my roommate walking in.”
“Which is why we should go to my house. Nobody will ever walk in on us.”
“That’s what makes me nervous.”
Levi hmmmed. Like he was thinking. “What if I promise not to touch you?”
Cath laughed. “Now I have zero incentive to come.”
“What if I promise to let you touch me first?”
“Are you kidding? I’m the untrustworthy person in this relationship. I’m all hands.”
“I’ve seen no evidence of that, Cather.”
“In my head, I’m all hands.”
“I want to live in your head.”
Cath covered her face with her hand, as if he could see her. They didn’t usually flirt quite like this. Quite so frankly. Maybe the phone brought it out in her. Maybe it was this weekend. Everything this weekend.
“Hey, Cath…” Levi’s voice was so soft. “What exactly are we waiting for?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did you take an abstinence pledge?”
She laughed, but still managed to sound affronted. “No.”
“Is it—” He exhaled quickly, like he was forcing something out.”—is it still about trust? Me earning your trust?”
Cath’s voice dropped to almost nothing. “God, Levi. No. I trust you.”
“I’m not even talking about sex,” he said. “I mean … not just sex. We can take that off the table completely if it will make you feel better.”
“Completely?”
“Until further discussion. If you knew that I wasn’t pushing for that, if that wasn’t even on the horizon, do you think you could relax and just … let me touch you?”
“What kind of touching?” she asked.
“Do you want me to show you on a doll?”
Cath laughed.
“Touching,” he said. “I want to touch you. Hold you. I want to sit right next to you, even when there are other options.”
She took a deep breath. She felt like she owed it to him to keep talking. To at least reciprocate this conversation. “I want to touch you, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she said.
“What kind of touching?” he asked.
“Did you already give the operator your credit card number?”
Levi laughed. “Come home with me, Cath. I miss you. And I don’t want to say good night.”
The door swung open, and Reagan came back into the room wearing a T-shirt and yoga pants, a towel wrapped around her hair.
“Yeah, okay,” Cath said. “When you will get here?”
He was obviously grinning. “I’m already downstairs.”
* * *
Cath put on brown cable-knit leggings and a plaid shirtdress that she’d taken from Wren’s dorm room. Plus knit wristlet thingies that made her think of gauntlets, like she was some sort of knight in pink, crocheted armor. Levi’s teasing her about her sweater predilection had just made it more extreme.
“Going out?” Reagan asked.
“Levi just got back.”
“Should I wait up for you?” she leered.
“Yes,” Cath said. “You should. It will give you time to think about what a shameless ground-rule breaker you are.”
Cath felt silly waiting for the elevator. Girls were walking by in their pajamas, and Cath was dressed to go out.
When she stepped out into the lobby, Levi was there, leaning against a column and talking to somebody, some girl he must know from somewhere.… When he saw Cath, his smile widened and he pushed off the column with his shoulder, immediately waving good-bye to the girl.
“Hey,” he said, kissing the top of Cath’s head. “Your hair’s wet.”
“That’s what happens when you wash it.”
He pulled up her hood. She took his hand before he could reach for hers, and he rewarded her with an especially toothy grin.
When they walked out of the building, she knew in her heart, in her stomach, that she wasn’t coming back until morning.
* * *
At first Cath thought there was another party going on at Levi’s house. There was music playing, and there were people in almost every room.
But they were all just his roommates—and his roommates’ friends and girlfriends and, in one case maybe, boyfriend.
Levi introduced her to them all. “This is Cather.” “This is my girlfriend, Cather.” “Everyone? Cather.” She smiled tensely and knew that she wouldn’t remember any of their names.
Then Levi led her up a staircase that couldn’t have been original to the house—the landings were strange and cramped, and the hallways shot out at irregular intervals. Levi pointed out everyone’s rooms. He pointed out the bathrooms. Cath counted three floors, and Levi kept climbing. When the staircase got so narrow they couldn’t walk side by side anymore, he led the way.
The stairs turned one more time and ended at a single doorway. Levi stopped there and turned, awkwardly, holding on to the handrails on both sides of the hall.
“Cather.” He grinned. “I have officially gotten you up to my room.”
“Who knew it was at the end of a labyrinth?”
He opened the door behind him, then took both her hands, pulling her up and in.
The room was small, with narrow dormer windows pushing out of it on two sides. There was no overhead light, so Levi turned on a lamp next to the queen-sized bed. It really was just a room with a bed—and a shiny turquoise love seat that was at least fifty years old.
She looked up and around. “We’re at the very top of the house, aren’t we?”
“Servants’ quarters,” he said. “I was the only one willing to climb all these stairs.”
“How’d you get this couch up here?”
“Talked Tommy into helping me. It was terrible. I don’t know how anyone ever got this mattress up around all those corners. It’s been here since the beginning of time.”
Cath shifted nervously, and the floor creaked beneath her. Levi’s bed was unmade, an old-looking quilt thrown over it, the pillows in disarray. He straightened the quilt and picked a pillow up off the floor.
The room felt closer to the outdoors than to the rest of the house. Exposed. Cath could hear wind whistling in the window frames. “I’ll bet it gets cold up here—”
“And hot in the summer,” he said. “Are you thirsty? I could make tea. I should have asked while we were still downstairs.”