“Hiccup explained to me what happened to your guildmate in the real world, and I’m sorry to hear that. I know it doesn’t mean much coming from a stranger, but I really am sorry to hear it. What a horrible way to die. I also find it very curious that her Reborn Player Character has been kidnapped by the Shinigami.” FeeTwix bites his lip and thinks for a moment. “That sounds real fishy, if you ask me.”
“Actually, it gets stranger.”
Ryuk quickly briefs him on his real-time attack by an NPC, what Hajime’s collated data seems to indicate, as well as the contents of Tamana’s final message.
“So she very obviously didn’t commit suicide.” FeeTwix purses his lips and nods. “Clearly she didn’t.”
“Exactly, I think she was trying to lead the creature in front of the train and misjudged her jump. And since the Shinigami took her as soon as she spawned here, they probably had something to do with it too.”
FeeTwix considers for a moment. “You will find that I am a different person when my feed is off. I’ll be frank with you: sure, solving this will give me ratings and it will also allow me to tap into a huge number of new fans and I’ll get new endorsement offers like crazy mad. So there’s that, but there’s also this … ” His flamboyance all but disappears; he leans in and lowers his voice. “About two months ago, a long-time fan of mine named Tomas committed suicide. He was one of the first ones to get the word out about my TwitchTube Red channel, so I owe him something. And just like your friend whatzername … ”
“Tamana.”
“I call her Tammy,” Hiccup barks.
“Yeah, Tamana, my fan’s RPC-spawned here and almost immediately disappeared – poof, gone. Something’s not right; something’s going on.” He places his hands on the table. “These are all connected, they have to be. Can’t prove it, but it sure feels like it. I’d like to get to the bottom of this and put a stop to it and get some payback for Tomas, for your friend, and for you. So what do you say? Are we doing this?”
A prompt appears:
FeeTwix Fajer would like to join your guild. Will you allow it?
Ryuk takes a few steps forward and bows his head. “Welcome to our guild.”
FeeTwix Fajer, Level 8 Berserker Mystic, has joined your guild!
“Do we have a guild name?” FeeTwix asks.
“The Mitherfickers.” Hiccup tosses his scrollazine over his shoulder. “I keep telling him how catchy it is.”
FeeTwix cracks a genuine grin.
“We need to start leveling up,” Ryuk tells them both. “We have two days to get stronger.”
(0)__(0)
“We got sort of a sausage party going here,” Hiccup informs Ryuk and FeeTwix after they’ve spawned in the Hills of Hillshire, “Just saying.”
A gray mist scattered with turquoise and lavender covers the lower portions of the hills. The place smells of brimstone and wet grass.
FeeTwix places his hands on his hips. “These, my friends, are the Hills of Hillshire.” He looks out over the hills so his followers can get a glimpse through his black eyes.
“Let’s just focus on finding a good place to level-up,” Ryuk tells them.
“Oooh, that looks fun!” The Swede points to the entry point of a mist-covered path on the hill closest to them.
“What are you going on about, Twixy?” Hiccup asks.
“There’s a hidden sign over there.” FeeTwix approaches the goblin. “Do you mind?” He makes a peace sign and crosses his two fingers together.
“What kind of ass fickery are you trying to pull here, mate?”
“I’ll show you.” FeeTwix lightly touches the goblin’s temple. “It’s about the only thing I’ve found useful with my mystic abilities.”
“Dragon ficks! There’s a sign and a whole lot more that way!” Hiccup’s face goes from excited to apprehensive. “Do you think there are ghosts over there?”
“I don’t see anything … ”
“Look now.” FeeTwix lightly touches Ryuk’s temples and sure enough, a sign appears on the opposing hillock. Carved into a wooden sign are the words: Paradise of the Insane.
FeeTwix takes his hand away and the sign disappears.
Ryuk is unsurprised by the invisible sign. When Tamana was still a White Mystic, she solved plenty of puzzles and found an abundance of hidden pathways and badass treasures with her mystical abilities.
“Let’s go there.”
Ryuk leaves little time for discussion.
He treks down the hill and is instantly waist-deep in mist. The ground is moist, and he can sense smaller creatures moving away from his footsteps. Nothing worth gaining experience over, unless he wanted to add critter hunting to his repertoire. Hiccup catches up to him, and short as he is, the mist covers everything but the top of his bald head.
Ryuk feels a leathery hand grab hold of his and squeeze tight.
“Don’t say anything about this,” Hiccup hisses up at him. “And remember, I’m not your little goblin fickboy, got that?” An owl lifts out of the mist. Wisps of fog barely have a chance to leave its body as it dips back in. “What the fick was that!?”
A mirror appears in FeeTwix’s hand and he holds it in front of his face. “My people. Just wanted to let everyone know that we’ve decided to check out the Paradise of the Insane. Pretty cool, huh? Remember, today’s sponsor is McStarbucks, and hey – great news! Cucumber Spice McWater is back for a limited time! Get a 50% off insta-coupon with purchase of any Frappe or Value Meal over eight euros at participating locations across the EU. Mention #FeeTwixRox for a free three-piece jumbo McNuggets with any one liter drink purchase. Offer not available in the UK. Sorry, Brexiteers! I’ll hook you up with something sweet next time!”
This guy and his feed … Ryuk is just about to ask him to put a can on his advertising spiel when the mist parts. A clear strip, a pathway in a labyrinth, cuts through the fog. Hiccup is beside himself.
“What the fick was that!? You fickholes can go by yourselves, I’m going back to Jatla.”
“No, no,” FeeTwix slings a comradely arm around Hiccup’s shoulders. “You have to come with us, pal, everyone loves you.”
“Who?”
“Everyone watching through my feed.” FeeTwix taps the side of his skull. “Currently, nearly 395,000 people are live-streaming our adventure.”
“Turn it off for a moment,” Ryuk says.
“Really?”
“Just a moment, please. I need to tell you something.”
“Sorry, folks, I’ll be streaming again in a moment!” FeeTwix says to himself. “And … we’re off.”
“How do I know again?” Ryuk asks.
“Look into my eyes.”
FeeTwix’s eyes flash Aryan blue. “When I’m streaming, they go solid black.”
“That’s what I figured, I just wanted to double-check.”
FeeTwix’s eyes flash solid black. “Hi everyone, be right back.” His eyes are blue again.
“Got it. Here’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Ryuk says carefully, “and I don’t want to offend you by doing so.”
“You are so Japanese!”
“You can tell?”
“Some of my fans did some research on your avatar origins,” FeeTwix explains, “they are useful like that. Their ability to research in real-time has saved my ass more times than you know.”
“That’s fine, but I don’t want you recording anything … emotional. Got that?”
“Ah, you are such a sweet little snowflake fickwit,” Hiccup laughs. “Oh boo-hoo! I don’t want anyone to see me cry, wah-wah-wah. Hey! Shit! Shit! What the hell is that!?” The goblin practically leaps into Ryuk’s arms. “Dragon ficks, did you guys hear that? I think it’s a ghost!”
With a loud snort, two bulky creatures step out of the mist about twenty feet ahead of them. The stats of the creature closest to Ryuk appears: