Nian Level 1
HP: 39/39
ATK: 11
MATK: 15
DEF: 18
MDF: 22
LUCK: 1
Nian Level 2
HP: 51/51
ATK: 13
MATK: 15
DEF: 19
MDF: 22
LUCK: 1
“A pair of nians,” Hiccup says with wonder in his voice. “Why, I thought these things were extinct! Aha!” He pulls a double-bladed ax out of thin air, and a wooden shield materializes in his other hand. “Some backassward daughter-fickin’ farmer bred these two – my guess. They’re supposed to have the body of a bull and the head of a lion; these dainty little fickers have the body of a cow and the head of an alley cat – how tough can they be?”
The grouchy goblin smacks his ax against his shield. “All right, boys, who’s ready to christen the Mitherfickers as combat ready?”
(0)__(x)
The off-brand cat-cow lowers its head to meet Hiccup’s first attack, feints left and head butts the enthusiastic goblin into the air like a beanbag.
The goblin lands hard and lets out a loud oomph! The knock-off nian takes to the air and Ryuk lets one fly from his slingshot.
The black marble explodes on contact and knocks the nian into its compadre.
-10 HP!
“Chainsaw it is!” FeeTwix says to his unseen audience his eyes solid black. The weapon appears in his hand and he hits the thumb starter, locks the trigger, and the saw roars into life.
With a flashy overhand toss that Ryuk has to grudgingly admit looked cool, FeeTwix lands the saw bar-first in the nearest nian’s shoulder. The creature howls and claws at the source of its torment.
-13 HP! -2 HP!
The uninjured nian roars, gnashes its teeth and paws the ground at Ryuk and crew. It hesitates to attack on its own.
“I’ll finish the ficker off!” Hiccup runs towards the wounded nian, drops to the ground in a baseball slide and uses his shield as a boogie board with his feet kicked out in front of him.
-12 HP!
His attack connects and the nian dies. “Fick yeah!”
The surviving nian roars in outrage and leaps teeth-first at the distracted Hiccup.
Ryuk has another marble ready to go and zings it right down the cow-cat’s gullet. One muffled whumpf later and the critter’s neck is rags and tatters and its head flops to the side, even as it lands in a heap on top of Hiccup.
-39 HP! Instakill!
New skill learned!
“Get it off me!” Hiccup cries. FeeTwix helps him move the carcass off his body as Ryuk quickly reviews his new skilclass="underline"
Skilclass="underline" Tonsil Shot
Level One: 1 in 15 chance of connecting.
Damage: Damage: 20% damage if enemy is less than level 30; 10% damage if enemy is greater than level 30.
Odds of instakilclass="underline" 2%
Requirements for instakilclass="underline" LUCK > 3
My first skill! Not bad. Twenty percent damage to any creature under level thirty and ten percent to any creature over level 30, and that’s at level one! As for the instakill, he did get lucky. With his LUCK at exactly three, his odds of landing the attack were astoundingly low.
“New skill?” FeeTwix asks.
“Tonsil Shot,” Ryuk says.
Hiccup wipes a piece of nian off the front of his shirt. “That thing could have killed me!”
Ryuk ignores the goblin as he goes over the spoils of battle. Not a lot of experience points and no rupees, but at least the EXP will compound.
The Hills of Hillshire will be fine for auto-leveling, he thinks.
Each avatar in Tritania can gain ten levels through auto-leveling, which allows a player to log out and keep their avatar fighting. A disadvantage is that a player won’t learn any new skills by auto-leveling, but they can improve upon skills already acquired.
“Shall we continue?” he asks as he passes Hiccup and FeeTwix. “I want to take part in one more fight and then leave my character to auto-level. I have something to do in Tokyo.”
“I wish I could auto-level,” Hiccup laments. “Go home, sleep, wake up a higher level.”
“I’ll stay logged in,” FeeTwix says as they continue along the path cut into the mist, “I’ve got nothing on the agenda for the next few hours.”
Hiccup calls after them. “You know, guys, I’m just saying, but it’s probably a good idea to send someone to Aramis to see what we can learn about the Shinigami. You know, leave you guys to the leveling.”
FeeTwix waits for Hiccup to catch up and pats him on the shoulder. “Nah, you’re staying here with us. After all, what would the Mitherfickers be without Hiccup?” He stares at the goblin for a moment with his big black eyes, live-streaming everything. “Besides, it’s more entertaining this way.”
(x)__(x)
As they make their way deeper into the Hills of Hillshire, a ghost town slowly emerges from the mist. Bad things have happened here; buildings are burned and blasted; skeletons in rusting armor clutch broken swords and battered shields; and the decomposing carcasses of eldritch war-beasts litter the side streets and alleyways.
“This fickin’ place gives me the willies,” Hiccup complains. “Let’s get the fick out of he – YOOOY!”
A buffalo-sized mountain of angry muscle smashes into him from behind and sends him cartwheeling. The beast skids to a stop, reverses direction in its own length and glares at them with red, piggy eyes. It’s a mahoosive Chiup hog with slavering jaws, razor-sharp tusks, and Thulean script branded into its hide.
Chiup Hog Level 3
HP: 169/169
ATK: 44
MATK: 1
DEF: 15
MDF: 14
LUCK: 0
Ryuk zings a pair of black marbles against the critter’s hairy hide. They explode and knock the dust off, but don’t do much more.
-2 HP!
Pathetic.
“Which weapon?” FeeTwix asks the fans livestreaming his feed. “Poll quickly!”
The results appear in front of him and he swipes them away.
“What, the Ma Bell treatment? Damn,” he grins, “you guys don’t make it easy for me!” The Swede stretches the cord between the handset and the phone body and charges at the Chiup Hog. He skips, flips, and lands astraddle the hog’s back, wraps the phone cord around its neck, and pulls his impromptu garrote tight.
The war pig is barely inconvenienced; it bucks, jumps, thrashes and tosses FeeTwix around like a rodeo clown in a hurricane. He hangs on tight as he yells for Ryuk to take his shot.
Black marble or clear marble? Ryuk loads a clear marble into the pouch of his slingshot. The bucking bronc-hog is more than stone’s throw distance, so a targeting reticle comes up on his viewing pane as he draws and looses.
“Holy fick!”
For once, Hiccup is right.
The clear marble morphs midair into an ethereal phoenix. The legendary bird cries out and flaps its wings to speed itself along. -38 HP! It smashes into the hog dead on, knocks it out from under FeeTwix and tumbles it into an abandoned outhouse.
The Chiup claws its way up out of the outhouse pit, and Ryuk pops off another pair of ineffectual black marbles. The shit-covered Chiup roars in disapproval and charges straight for Ryuk.