The slingshot is suddenly too hot to the touch, and he drops it just as the marbles explode.
-23 HP!
The bearadillo falls to its side and FeeTwix descends upon the creature with his double-bladed sword. He stabs it repeatedly where its heart should be; with a running leap, Hiccup brings his axe down hard on the creature’s soft underbelly.
The beast roars and thrashes.
Zaena limps in to get some of her own back. The work is grim, and in a final welter of guts and blood, the monster expires. Zaena instantly levels up, and the guild is awarded a measly thirty-one rupees.
“I hate these things,” Hiccup says, “they’re mean, ugly, vicious, and really, really hard to kill. Cheap fickers too.”
(x)__(x)
FeeTwix mops the perspiration from his eyes.
“I was hoping the big bastard had at least a hundred rupees in him. Everyone good on health?” He breathes heavily as a mirror appears in his hand. “Hello Mr. and Mrs. America, and all the ships at sea! If you’re viewing our live feed from anywhere in the fifty-three states or are watching the recorded version any time in the next twenty-four hours from now, CVSgreens is having a flash sale on all Katy Kat Covergirl cosmetics. Just mention ‘FeeTwixRox’ at the point of purchase to take advantage of the savings! Terms and conditions do apply. See physical store or check online for details.”
FeeTwix vamooses the mirror and his eyes turn blue. “Sorry guys, I told you I had to double up on ads today to pay for Ryuk’s new gun,” he says, still catching his breath.
Ryuk approaches his slingshot and picks it up. The weapon is cool to the touch again.
“Before we move on, we should probably take the bearadillo’s hide.” A stag-handled Bowie knife appears in Hiccup’s paw. “A little help then, Liz?”
She gives him the stink-eye, and manifests two curved swords in her ghost limbs. She now holds four weapons, two floating above her head. “I don’t normally skin animals.”
“Well, I don’t normally find myself kicking ass and taking names at the Hour of the Morning Bear – Ha! Morning Bear – but this bear ain’t gonna skin itself this morning, so let’s get stuck in, princess.”
Her eyes narrow on him. “What did you call me,” she hisses.
“Princess. That not do you? How about Queenie then?”
“Relax,” FeeTwix tells her, “he’s just being Hiccup.”
Hiccup approaches the bearadillo, and starts to cut from the gaping wound under its tail and around the juncture of underbelly and armored carapace. “We can definitely sell this shit.” He pauses for a moment and leaves the blade stuck in the creature’s carcass as he turns to FeeTwix and pokes a bloody metallic finger in his chest. “Oh, and one more thing.”
“What’s that?” FeeTwix asks.
“Give me the head’s up next time you decide use me as part of your little attack strategy. I could have equipped a boar spear and we could have skewered the big ficker together, but no, you decided to make me bearadillo bait. How ‘bout some communication, huh? Maybe get that teamwork thing going?”
“Sorry,” FeeTwix says, not sounding sorry at all. “There wasn’t time to discuss it with you, and you wouldn’t have gone for it anyway.”
“That’s true, but you should ask anyway.”
Ryuk interrupts them. “What’s that?” Hanging in the trees about twenty meters away is a crudely made coffin suspended by a chain.
“Forest ninjas hang their deceased from trees,” Zaena explains. “It’s a pretty good indication that their temple is that way.”
“Why is it rimmed in magic?” Ryuk asks.
“Magic?” Hiccup sighs. “What are you going on about, Marbles?”
“Your magical sensitivity is increasing, isn’t it?” Zaena asks.
“It’s nothing. Just started last night, actually.”
“I don’t have any talent for magic but my brother does. We had the same tutor so I got to learn quite a bit about Tritanian magic,” the Thulean explains.
“Same tutor, huh?” Hiccup grumbles as he cuts into the bearadillo. “Sounds like we have a one-percenter over here, am I right, fellas?”
Zaena ignores him as she asks, “What color is the magic?”
Ryuk focuses again on the hanging coffin. The magic surrounding it is just barely visible. It moves ever-so-slightly and ripples every few seconds as it does so. “Dark blue at the tips.”
Skill level up!
Skilclass="underline" Magic Eye
Level Three: A colored glow indicates that magical properties are present. Higher levels allow for more detail and access to the Wikipedia of arcane knowledge. A red outline signals that a hidden enemy is near. A yellow outline signals that an object is enchanted. A dark blue outline signals that necrotic magic is being used.
Requirements: Level 5 Mage, LUCK > 5.
“Dark magic,” she says at the same time he gets the prompt, “but not regular dark magic, necrotic dark magic.”
“So that means what, exactly?” FeeTwix asks.
Zaena continues as if she hadn’t heard him, “I really don’t know much about the forest ninjas of Hyperborea. From what I do know, I can tell you that most of them are related to the Bo people who live in the mountain ranges of Ultima Thule. They hang their coffins from the sides of cliffs. It’s a sight to behold!”
“I’ve seen it,” Ryuk says, “but only briefly.”
“What’s this about necrotic magic?” the Swede asks.
“Zombies, Twixy. That’s what she’s a-saying.” Hiccup retrieves his big knife and works at separating the bearadillo from its armored hide. “There’s a zombie in there and we’ll trigger it if we get too close, if we haven’t already. They’re slow and stupid, but enough of ‘em can swarm you and then the comedy is over. They’ll probably eat you first, Marbles, as you’re the weakest.”
Ryuk glares at the garrulous goblin.
“So we’d better turn back.” Hiccup gathers a handful of forest floor litter and vigorously wipes his hands. “I have an idea, let’s go back to Jatla, sell the hide and the tusks I picked up yesterday, and quintuple our funds at a ponytail race! Then we can just buy some levels, or at the very least, enough armor and weapons that our levels won’t matter.”
FeeTwix clears his throat. “I’ve spent considerable time in a world called Dead City; anti-zombie operations have sort of become a specialty of mine.”
He grins as a very large rifle of parkerized steel and graphite composites with a BORS Telescopic sight appears. “This is my M-98 Widow. There are many like it, but this one is mine,” he says as he locks the bipod into position. “It’s heavy – thirty-nine kilos – but with the depleted pelosium ammo I scored, this weapon will inflict 1900 damage to armored foes. I don’t know what that translates to here in Tritania, but I’m pretty sure it’ll kill the hell out of zombies.”
Zaena steps back. “An alien weapon?” She uneasily eyes the rifle.
FeeTwix gets in the prone position, powers up the optics and has a quick look-see. “Unless Ryuk thinks he can take the coffin out from here with his slingshot, this is the way forward.”
“You’ll take HP damage,” Ryuk says.
“That’s what we have healing potions for. Now hush children, and let daddy work.” FeeTwix focuses on the target, breathes in, lets half out, and with a slow squeeze of the trigger blasts the coffin into toothpicks and matchsticks.
Instakill!
The Mitherfickers are each awarded EXP. FeeTwix’s life bar takes a sting to the tune of fifty-five HP and his form flashes red. “I see another one.” He adjusts his scope, takes a breath and lets half out, and sends another armor-piercing harbinger of unhappiness downrange.