Reveal enemy!
It worked again!
The petals drop out of the air revealing roughly fifteen ninjas clad in pink cherry blossom camouflage armor. They range in levels, from eight to twelve, their hit points in the low to mid three hundreds. Ryuk sees a few bows, the requisite swords, sais, nunchucks, and vigoorian flails.
A shield takes shape in FeeTwix’s left hand, its surface pocked with indentations from bullet strikes. Hiccup has a shield too, but it’s no larger than a cake-decorating stand.
The ninjas descend upon the Mitherfickers.
Ryuk zips three black marbles at the first cluster of ninjas. They scatter and narrowly avoid the explosion. One backflips to the top of a cherry blossom tree, and from there, looses arrows at Ryuk as the tree shifts beneath the ninja’s weight. The stone pillar shields Ryuk; he leans out and catapults three more black marbles at the enemy.
Damn! His magic slingshot overheats again.
As he shakes it out over his head to cool it down, a lithesome pink-clad she-ninja drops down in front of him and spins in with a pair of sais. He gets his arm up and his dream armor parries the attack, just in time for a rococo dragon-handled sword to sprout from the she-ninja’s chest. Instakill!
A quick look over his shoulder and he sees that even though Zaena has three swords and four ninjas to contend with, she still had time to save Ryuk’s ass.
Time to return the favor. He wipes his face, loads two knife marbles, and waits for the perfect opportunity to present itself. The nearest ninja bends into the start of a forward flip and gets the knife marbles where the moon shineth not.
-100 HP!
His Cherry Poppin’ Daddy skill sends the flipping ninja face first to the stone.
The clash, clatter and clang of steel upon steel pulls Ryuk’s attention to an uneven contest between FeeTwix, Hiccup, and two vigoorian flail-wielding female ninjas. The ninjas fight as a coordinated team; Hiccup and FeeTwix are steadily giving ground and losing health.
I’ve got this. Ryuk aims a black marble at the closest ninja’s head, just as an intense wind whips the cherry blossom petals into a pink-out that obscures their surroundings. The vigoorian duo momentarily distracted, FeeTwix pops off a pair of flash-bangs to keep them even more distracted.
Ryuk can feel the concussion from the blast in his D-NAS.
“There’s too many!” the Swede shouts, as stroboscopic flashes add rod-and-cone-searing confusion to the pink-out. “We need to circle up, get back to back! Back to back!” The Mitherfickers tortoise up as the flower petals spin all around them. “We need to form a … a tank!” FeeTwix has a jagged cut across his cheek, his health has taken a hit and his eyes are black and recording even as his face radiates a fierce joy.
The Swede is in his element.
“We need to take out the statue!”
“You don’t know what it will do!” Zaena shouts over her shoulder.
“If we take it out, we’ll kill the ninjas too. It’s a classic boss battle!”
Hiccup deflects an arrow with his caterer’s shield. “The cowardly wankers and their fickin’ poofty disguises!”
“Listen to me!” FeeTwix shouts as he blocks a shuriken. “I’ll be in the front with my shield and my slice bang. Ryuk, you’re the turret and Zaena, you protect Ryuk from the sides with your swords!”
“What about me?” Hiccup shouts.
“You’re the rear and dammit, do you have a bigger shield?”
“Rear admiral it is!” More arrows and shurikens fly out the wall of whirling cherry blossoms. “Dragon ficks! Of course I have a bigger shield, I’m a shield warrior!” A heavy shield taller than Hiccup and as wide as two goblins materializes out of thin air. The scutum thunks on the ground and Hiccup scoops his arms into the arm braces and hunkers down.
“We’re not done yet,” FeeTwix tells Ryuk. “Hold your hands out!”
Ryuk does as instructed and nearly drops the weapon that forms.
“A bazooka!?” he asks as he stares wide-eyed at the weapon.
“It’s an RPG-7, a rocket propelled grenade!” FeeTwix narrowly blocks an incoming arrow.
“Less parsing more killing, Twixy!”
“I have no idea how to use this thing!”
“Let’s go!” The Swede fires his slice bang and the Mitherfickers move forward, Hiccup at the rear with his scutum, Zaena using her ghost limbs to knock out projectiles coming from the sides, and Ryuk with a bazooka hoisted on his shoulder that he has no idea how to use.
FeeTwix: When you see the statue, aim and pull the trigger!
Ryuk: There must be more to it than that!
FeeTwix: Suspend your disbelief and fire the goddamn rocket!
The statue looms into view as a shuriken pings against the barrel of the RPG. Ryuk readjusts, and the Mitherfickers press forward. He lines the statue up in the sights, hopes for the best, takes a gulp of air, and squeezes the trigger.
His heart leaps into his throat and he swallows it down as the warhead spears through the air.
The statue explodes into rubble and bits.
- 200 HP! Ryuk’s tossed backwards; his vision pane flashes red as he takes a huge hit from the weapons penalty.
Everything becomes a blur as a metal hand twists his face sideways. A healing potion is shoved into his mouth, and as Ryuk guzzles it, the flashing red colors cease and everything around him settles. He turns his head to find Hiccup nursing him.
+85 HP!
“Don’t get used to it,” the goblin grumbles, “and don’t drink it all either!”
(0)__(x)
A few of the pink ninjas sob, others collapse on the ground, draw knees to chest and rock back and forth as they squeeze their legs with their arms. The four guild members are still on their feet, ready for anything, no clue whatsoever on how how to handle a bunch weeping cherry blossom ninjas.
“That … ” One of the male ninjas approaches them with his sword drawn. He points it at the Mitherfickers, but the will to brandish it drains out of him and he quickly lowers it. “That was our father!”
“The statue was your … father?” FeeTwix keeps his slice bang aimed at the ninja.
“It was technically a statue dedicated to our late father, but that’s what he looked like, so yes, damn you, that was a statue of our father!” The ninja sniffs loudly, chokes back tears, and swallows hard. “You fucking assholes!”
Hiccup’s big shield disappears and he nearly falls over laughing. “Ha! Talk about a bunch of little bitches! And watch your mouth, fickboy, there are ladies present.” He winks at Zaena.
The ninja seethes. “You shut your filthy goblin mouth! You know nothing about our father, our dear papa who built this temple stone by stone and planted each and every one of these cherry blossom trees!”
“Daddy!” One of the female ninjas with a vigoorian flail slowly starts to wrap the chain around her neck. “I can’t live without him here,” she tells her sister in a hushed voice.
FeeTwix: A little help here, anyone? What the hell is going on!?
Zaena: I told you not attack the statue.
“This was not what we were expecting,” Ryuk tells the lead ninja. He starts to bow out of habit and stops himself.
The ninja tenses. “What the hell were you expecting!? You storm into our temple waving your weapons around after killing half our cousins in the forest below! And what about our relatives in the hanging coffins? Did you expect us to greet you with open arms?”
One of the ninjas with his knees clutched tightly to his chest laments, “You guys are some real dirty assholes!”
“I’ll show you a dirty asshole!” Hiccup bristles.