FeeTwix’s eyes turn blue. “My viewers have definitely seen enough.” His brow furrows. “Crap, some of them are already making memes about Hiccup’s booty. I’ll forward you some.”
“I’m good.” Ryuk says as he takes off his dream armor. The armor shrinks with each part he removes. As if it were designed by some Japanese obsessive-compulsive neat-freak, all the pieces fit together into a nice little storable package.
FeeTwix takes the easy route: he snaps his fingers and he’s suddenly in a DisNike Lumière gold™ Beauty and the Beast 3 speedo. “Here goes nothing,” he says as he grabs his towel and enters the sauna. Ryuk enters next, in a pair of boxers with a Daruma image over his left leg.
“You guys are too modest,” Hiccup says. “We’re in a sauna; if there is a better reason to be naked with your friends, I don’t know what it is.”
Zaena enters with a towel wrapped tightly around her body and sits near FeeTwix. Ryuk’s eyes trace over her light green shoulders, looking for any sign of a bra strap.
He stops himself from staring any longer by looking at Hiccup’s new pink hair, which is matted to the goblin’s face. New hair, new arm – the goblin isn’t doing too badly since he joined the group.
“Might as well speed up the process.” A half-filled healing potion materializes in Hiccup’s grimy paw. He takes a sip from it, savors the moment, and places the bottle between his legs, thankfully covering his chalupa.
“Good news, Ryuk,” says FeeTwix. “Your weapon will be ready in about three hours. She’ll meet us in Jatla and deliver it in person. Three hours should be enough time to make our way through the Jatla Forest.”
“Have her meet us in Aramis.” Ryuk was toying with the idea earlier, but now it all seems so clear, especially with the cryptic oblique phrase provided by Hajime this morning.
FeeTwix and Zaena turn to him. “Aramis?” the Swede asks. “That’s where the Shinigami are.”
“Exactly. I was think … ” His face fills with life as his words come at a rapid pace. “I think we are going about this the wrong way. We were planning to level up tonight and early tomorrow then meet them at the Hour of the Rabbit, were we not?”
“That’s the plan,” says the goblin, “I figured we could go the Cape of Chukchis this evening. Lots of orcs there to battle. It shouldn’t be hard to find the Shinigami either; hell, I can call on some connects in Aramis to check out the Guild District. Should have mentioned that earlier.”
“Here’s the thing,” Ryuk says, “I’ve been thinking about the difference between our guild and the Shinigami. One main difference is our levels, as both Hiccup and Zaena have pointed out. We don’t know what level they are, nor do we know their numbers. Further, we’re walking right into a trap, especially if we meet them at the time and place of their choosing. How, then, can we emphasize the difference between our two guilds?”
“Easy,” FeeTwix says, “We can get stronger and do all the auto-leveling we can do.”
“No,” Ryuk says, his thoughts clearer than they’ve been in weeks, “we emphasize our differences by playing to our advantage.”
“What’s our advantage again?” Hiccup asks. “You got a fickin’ goblin here with a mechanical arm, a Thulean who – sorry sister – ain’t amongst the most powerful, and a Swede who’s constantly shilling for crazy-ass real world products and is more about boosting his number of viewers than he is about getting the job done. And don’t forget about the dour dude with his magic fickin’ slingshot and seems to be on a one man mission to make the whole emo thing all cool again.”
The three turn to Hiccup.
“What?” he asks with wide-eyed innocence. “I talked shit about myself too. I mean, really, I’m a goblin with a mechanical arm and a good head of hair. That’s about as useful as a kick in the chalupa from a Saiduka giant with a pointy shoe if you ask me.”
“He’s right,” Ryuk finally says, “about us not having a combat advantage no matter what we do between now and then. But that’s not the advantage I’m talking about here. Just think about it: we have a Thulean assassin and a guy with three hundred items in his inventory list. We have a goblin who knows the ways of the street.”
Hiccup snorts.
“What? You do, don’t you?”
“That’s one way to put it.”
“And we have me, a resetter who seems to have retained echoes of his ninja abilities. What I’m saying here is this – we go to Aramis today, tonight, and get to work. If we can figure out where the Shinigami are staying, we’ll be able catch them off guard. You have bombs, right?” he asks FeeTwix.
“Does a cat secretly plot your death while you’re asleep? Of course I have explosives.”
“Then that’s what we do, a preemptive strike, to use your earlier terminology. Get intel tonight, hit them early in the morning.”
“I’m in,” Zaena says, inspiration visible in her eyes. “This is the best idea I’ve heard all day.”
“Let’s do it,” FeeTwix agrees. “It’s time to bring the pain to these fuckers.”
The three return their gazes to Hiccup. The goblin clears his throat and says, “We’ll need money for supplies. Armor and healing potions. I’ll need to eat, and eat well, a big meal.”
Ryuk considers this for a moment. “Fine. Once we get to town, I want you to take all of our rupees and get to work. I don’t care how we get what we need; it’s your call.”
The goblins eyes go wide. “You want me to gamble for the Mitherfickers?”
“No, I want you to win for the Mitherfickers.”
New skill learned!
Skilclass="underline" Inspire Others
Level One: By inspiring others, you induce them to follow your orders. Higher levels allow for manipulation of enemies and random strangers.
Requirements: LUCK > 5
“Fick yeah!” Hiccup slams his fist against the bench. “You’ve finally grown a pair, Marbles. Not a big pair, but it’s a start.”
With that, he finishes off his healing potion and drops it to the floor. A copy of Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom appears in his paws. “What?” he asks as he thumbs through the heavily dog-eared book. “It’s break time. Inspirational speech, Ryuk, great job. Reminds me of Patton. Now everyone chill the fick out and heal up for a bit.”
Chapter 15: Game changer
Ryuk’s removes his NV Visor and lets out a heartfelt sigh.
His room is dark, the heavy blinds pulled tightly shut. The back of the chair compresses, and he waits a few moments for things to settle. He stands, feels his leg muscles quiver and turns to his bedroom door. In Tritania, his avatar is auto-leveling, on its way back to the entrance of the Jatla Forest.
He’ll join the others in Aramis in a couple of hours.
“Hajime,” he says as soon as he steps into the living room. A corona of light forces him to shield his eyes with his arm. The glass coffee table is moved aside and the humandroid sits with his legs in full lotus on a cushion in front of the couch. He opens his eyes, and offers Ryuk a soft grin.
“Good afternoon.”
“I used your quote,” Ryuk tells him with excitement. “Okay, that’s not how I meant for that to sound, I meant to say I was inspired by your quote and, um, thinking about led me to come up with a new solution to our guild’s problem.”