“You take her left, I’ll take her right,” he tells Zaena. “I don’t think either of us has the stamina to carry … ”
Zaena lifts Tamana onto her shoulder. “I’ll carry her,” she grunts, “you cover behind us.”
“Damn! Got it!” With Tamana slung in a fireman’s carry, the Thulean sprints away as if she was unencumbered. Ryuk struggles to keep up and at the same time watch their back for pursuers. They run through an alley towards the lane that leads away from the Shinigami’s place.
That’s odd. Ryuk stops for a moment and surveys their back trail. Why aren’t they coming after us?
“Shit, Ryuk, Keep moving, let’s go!” Zaena calls over her shoulder to him.
“Right!”
It doesn’t take long for them to arrive at the Mondegreen Hostel and the door swings open for them. Zaena drops Tamana onto one of the lobby sofas and places her hands on her knees as she catches her breath.
“Someone may be following us!” Ryuk blurts out to Jim the doorman. “Please, um, please help us!”
“No doubt.” From behind the reception desk, the hostelier produces an M-4 Carbine with the underslung M-203 grenade launcher. He pops in a Beta C-Mag and loads a beehive round in the grenade launcher as he hums The Major General’s Song. He chambers a round, powers up the optics, and lifts the sling over his head. Only then does he catch the strange look that panting Zaena is giving him.
“I’m an immiNPC,” he reminds them as he steps around the clerk’s desk. “You may wish to check my stats.”
Jim Dohrmahn Level 99
HP: 6753/6753
MANA: 2885/2885
ATK: 2058
MATK: 566
DEF: 1118
MDF: 1259
LUCK: 85
“Holy shit! How’d you manage that?” Ryuk asks.
“Long story for another time.” He nods to the bookcase that doubles as a secret door. “Get inside, and let me know if you need anything. If anything untoward occurs, I’ll call for backup.” A smile creeps across his long face. “And trust me, whoever is coming after you does not want me to call for backup.”
Ryuk lifts Tamana. “Do you do this for all your guests?” he asks as he heads to the bookcase.
“It’s one of the many services we here at the Mondegreen are happy to offer.” Jim keeps his post and gives him a soft nod. “Plus you paid double for your room; it’s the least I can do.”
(x)__(x)
Ryuk places Tamana on his bed, turns her to her side, and notices that there is a faint yellow magic radiating from the cuffs keeping her thin wrists together.
An enchanted object …
“We need Hiccup,” he says, “and fast. I don’t know exactly what these cuffs do, but I’m pretty sure they are preventing her from equipping her sword. They may be tracking her too. It’s okay, Tamana.” He uses the corner of the bed sheet to wipe her face. Her left eye is puffy and closed; dry blood is rimmed around her nostrils. Seeing her like this ignites a deep hatred inside Ryuk for the Shinigami. He momentarily gets the stupid notion to go back to their guildhall for some good old fashioned payback.
“I’ll message him.”
Zaena: Goblin, we need you. We rescued Tamana and she is here now, almost dead, with her wrists bound by magical cuffs.
Hiccup: First, the name is Hiccup. Second, WHAT THE FICK DID YOU JUST SAY? Read it again. Okay, I’m better now.
FeeTwix: I can’t believe you rescued her without us! My audience would have loved to see that happen!
Hiccup: Ignore him. We’ll be there in thirty minutes or so. We’re up twenty K in a game of Punch Chest. You wanted us to win bigly, right? Or is it big league? You want us to win, right?
Zaena: We need you here now. We don’t know what kind of cuff this is or if it has tracking properties.
Hiccup: Are there any inscriptions on it?
Ryuk rolls Tamana to her other side, so her cuffed wrists are now facing toward him. The handcuffs are bronze, the chain connecting them made out of a silvery metal. “Nothing,” Ryuk says. “Not even some Thulean.”
Zaena: Get here now, as in RIGHT NOW. Spawn here and leave FeeTwix there to finish the game of punch chest. I hesitate to say this, but we need your expertise!
Hiccup appears in a flash. “You guys really know how to ruin someone’s night, don’t you? And just for the record, one does not simply stop in the middle of a game a punch chest. You’re lucky as fick we were up by five. They’ll dock Twixy at least one point for my exit.” He nudges Zaena aside and plops his mechanical hand on Ryuk’s shoulder. “Step aside, Marbles, let Uncle Goblin take a looksee.”
Ryuk stands and crosses his arms over his chest, watching over Hiccup’s shoulder as the goblin checks the cuff. Finally, he scratches his ass and says, “Good news and bad news. The good news is that these cuffs don’t have tracking properties, as of yet. The bad news is that if they are away from their registered location for more than an hour or so, the tracking properties turn on. Luckily, the Mitherfickers have a thief, a particularly handsome, pink haired hunka-hunka burnin’ goblin – and I’m damn good at picking locks. In case you were wondering, as long as they’re on, she won’t be able to equip anything. She also isn’t able to message anyone.”
A small case appears on the bed and he opens it. “Also, you two are idiots for going at this alone. Fickin’ idiots.”
“It was … um, spur of the moment.” Ryuk bows his head in semi-contrition.
“Spur of the moment, huh?” he says as he takes out his tools. “Hitting the orc-house is spur of the moment, losing your chalupa in a game of Bet Your Penis is spur of the moment, this shit is unbelievably stupid. You should have at least brought a couple of healing potions.” He shakes his head. “I always thought of the Mitherfickers as a professional group of tweens with one seasoned statesman, at least that’s how I described our group to my cousin in Sotla, before Liz joined us. I definitely didn’t sign up for some in loco parentis role. Fick, where was I?”
“Never mind all that, Hiccup – just get her loose! And how many fucking cousins do you have?”
“Tsk-tsk. Language, Marbles, and don’t get your lacey pink panties in a wad. Regarding cousins? Who keeps track, really?” he says as he goes to work. “Last I checked, I had fifty. Maybe more. About a hundred nephews. Most are a bunch of fickwads. Marbles, ask the door guy to get us some Hopkins’ Holistic Healing Nostrums. Those potions cost a fick-ton, but it’ll heal her up and then some. Save the ‘then some’ for me.”
Zaena asks, “So Hopkins’ potions are better than the normal stuff?”
“Less filling, tastes great, and helps put the lead in your pencil!” Hiccup selects a lock pick and a tensioner, double checks they’re the ones he needs, and turns back to the cuffs. “Now get the stuff and stop distracting me!”
A knock at the door startles them all. Her short swords drawn, Zaena motions for Ryuk to open it. He does so and is greeted by Jim, who has a tray of various healing potions. “I thought you might find these of some small use. This is what we keep in stock.”
“Hopkins’ Holistic Healing Nostrum.”
Jim hands Ryuk a green bottle shaped like a grenade. “I will add it to your bill, if that’s all right with you.” With that, he smiles and turns away, the M-4 Carbine still slung across his back.
“Okay!” Ryuk rushes over to Hiccup with the healing potion. A straw appears on the bed and Hiccup says, “You know what to do.”
Zaena sits Tamana up, who immediately drops her head down. She angles her so Hiccup can still work on the cuffs yet Tamana is able to sit. Ryuk uncorks the healing potion, which fizzles, and retrieves the straw. He’s just about to put the straw in Tamana’s mouth when he hears Hiccup harrumph.