DEF: 101
MDF: 48
LUCK: 9
Zaena Morozon Level 12 Brawler Assassin
HP: 357/357
ATK: 91
MATK: 8
DEF: 88
MDF: 24
LUCK: 14
Tamana Nakamura Level 2 White Warrior
HP: 138/138
MANA: 79/79
ATK: 52
DEF: 19
MATK: 12
MDF: 38
LUCK: 3
FeeTwix: It’s about time you showed up. We took a room on the top floor with a view of the Bonsor River. It’s a room normally reserved for the wait staff, but it definitely did the trick. I had some Sotlian macaroons delivered via an EBAYmazon dragon and … well, let’s just say that they work exactly as advertised. We’ll be down in a few minutes. Wake the goblin up.
Ryuk looks to Tamana, smiling down at her as she gently rests with her hands over her chest. She’s in a nightgown, with long sleeves and a collar of embroidered lace. She senses his presence; her eyes open and they settle on him.
He takes a knee. “Good morning.”
“Morning.” She yawns and pushes some of her silvery white hair out of her face. A halo radiates around her head for a moment and settles. As she sits up, she quickly draws her hair back into a tight ponytail.
“Actually … ” Tamana lets her hair drop and quickly braids the sides. She accesses a golden hair clip from her inventory list and secures the end of the braid. Concern flits across her face as she braids the other side. “I just remembered a dream I had last night – well, not a dream, more of a nightmare.”
“What happened?”
“There was a fight, a huge battle, and all of us were there. Just as we were about to kill the last of them, you turned on us. You killed each of us individually, and you saved me for last.” She gasps. “You blew my head off, even as I begged you not to.”
“I’d never do that!” Ryuk reaches for her hand and squeezes it. “You know I’d never do that, I’d never betray you.”
“I know, I know.” She takes her hand from his and stands. As she does, her nightgown disappears and her leather armor forms, complete with large golden epaulets with white sparkly tassels. “It was just a nightmare,” she assures him. “You’re right.”
“You know I wouldn’t do that, never to you.” He wants to tell her about how much he cares for her and how he’d do anything for her, especially now, especially after losing her in the real world, but as he steels himself to finally bare his soul, Hiccup sunders the moment with a foul and feculent blast from his nether cheeks.
The goblin startles awake, leaps from the bed, and falls flat on his face. His eyes widen, his nostrils flare, and a berserker’s hand axe appears in his mechanical hand as he fights his way to his feet.
“Holy fickin’ shit!” he bellows as he spins around. “Who fickin’ did that?”
Tamana giggles and pinches her nose as she retreats to the far side of the small room.
Damn goblin, Ryuk thinks as Hiccup checks behind himself for any collateral damage.
“Shit,” the goblin turns to Ryuk, “that was me, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, you farted yourself awake like a mangy dog.”
“It was those fickin’ lemon pepper dragon wings, I tells ya. I had some more last night, midnight snack if you will, after handing it to those pussywillow bards.” He wipes his hands together. “Welp, I’ll be down the hall in the Little Goblins’ room for just a few moments. Marbles, go ahead and tell the guy that runs the place that I’d like some brekky, Konakhchani Rohva, if he has it, and I’m pretty sure he does.”
“And what is that exactly?” Ryuk asks.
“Caramelized hog feet. Tell him to crack some raw dove eggs over it. Sotlian crow eggs would be better, but they’re not in season right now.”
Tamana cringes.
Hiccup bristles. “Look, Miss Macrobiotic – if you don’t like what I eat, don’t get any – but spare me the judgmental icky-icky face and just get whatever healthy trendy cruelty-free vegan diet food is currently in vogue.”
The door opens outward. FeeTwix and Zaena enter, holding hands. Hiccup rolls his eyes and steps out to perform his toilette.
“Great Googly-Moogly!” the Swede exclaims as his nose wrinkles and his eyes water. “I’d ask what that smell is, but our pink-haired buddy was letting those rip all night!”
“Twick you, Fixy!” The goblin calls over his shoulders. “Shit. You know what I mean!”
“Is it safe to breathe?” Zaena asks after the goblin is a good five meters away.
Feetwix nods and looks to Ryuk. “Did you check the guild’s coffers? Fifty thousand rupees, thank-you-very-much. At one point, we were up eighty thousand, but he-who-shall-not-be-named bet a third of it on a ponytail race – which should seriously be illegal because those races are pretty fucked up. Still, we have enough to get some healing potions and better armor. Also, one of my fans has extended a line of credit to me. He’s a banker in Valhalla, by the way, so if we’re over any, he can hook us up.”
“I was hoping not to get involved with in-game banking,” Ryuk says.
Zaena clears her throat. “Same here, but if we’re going with your plan, we need all the help we can get.”
“You know about my plan?”
“I told them,” says Tamana, “after they returned last night.”
“And you guys are up for it?”
“Surprise attack the Shinigami at their rented guildhall? You bet your ass we are.” FeeTwix points at his blue eyes. “My viewership breached one million last night. Crazy numbers, really. And that’s just live viewers. People love watching Hiccup gamble, it seems. The replays alone have already been viewed three million times in less than twenty-four hours, and the sponsors are going insane.”
A thought occurs to Ryuk, something he hasn’t pondered before. “Your viewers don’t know of our plan to bring the fight to the Shinigami?”
FeeTwix scoffs. “Of course they don’t!”
“Did you see any real world players in their guild? They’re all NPCs or RPCs, aren’t they?”
“There was the one commoner in the group that attacked me in the forest,” Zaena turns to Ryuk, “the one that looked like you. But he wasn’t at their guild last night. We would have definitely seen him. He may have simply been a magic-wielding mercenary.”
“How would that explain the fact he was using my face?”
She shrugs. “Maybe he found what you look like in a guild registry or something.”
“Still, couldn’t the Shinigami use your feed to find us, to track us?” Ryuk asks.
“It’s easy. If they find us, we’ll simply respawn back here and I’ll cut the feed.” FeeTwix rubs his hands together. “They don’t know where we are staying. If it helps, we can book another hostel or two as respawn points, just to throw them off if they do track us down. In fact, that’s a damn good idea. Let’s go,” he tells Zaena, “and get another place.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Jim the hostelier calls from the hallway outside of their room. FeeTwix and Zaena step aside to let him in.
Their host is stylishly accoutered in a freshly-pressed tuxedo, and his face is shaved baby-bottom smooth. “This hostel is warded with algomagic,” he informs them, “a powerful spell cast by the leader of the Knights of Non Compos Mentis.”
Ryuk turns to Tamana and watches as she says, “Sophia.”
“Why yes,” says Jim, “I should have assumed you knew her considering both of you were once part of her guild, I’m given to understand.”