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“Consider this the ultimate quest,” Hajime offers. “Find Tamana, figure out what happened, grieve, level up, get to the next continent to meet your old guild, and stop this from ever happening here in the real world again.”

Ryuk nods wipes his nose one more time. The ultimate quest.

His chest swells and he gets out of bed. He plants his ass in the custom molded seat of his haptic chair, slips his hands into a pair of haptic gloves with the ease of long practice and leans back. The chair comes to life after he’s placed the sleek, gunmetal NV Visor over his head.

A familiar tone plays, letting Ryuk know that the system is starting up and the physical response system is ready to go.

Wavelengths appear on the inside of his NV Visor.

Chapter 4: Goblin security and why you’re better off without it

It was Tamana’s idea. “It’ll be fun,” were her exact words.

Start over in new classes and abandon the level 96 Ninja Warrior and White Mystic avatars that they had developed for nearly two years. Ryuk did it to impress her, to go along with her request. Just like that, they reset and Ryuk became a lowly level 2 Ballistics Mage. All their accumulated wealth and stats gone, the two signed a lease on shitty guildhall in the village of Jatla, near the Goblin Riviera.

In Thulean, ‘Jatla’ is a convenient term for any horribly filthy, vile, disgusting, feculent slum that is too wet and dirty for rats, flies, or roaches. The locals, a scabby, scaly, sub-race of flatulent, fungally-afflicted hillbilly ünter-trolls, are notorious for their brutal savagery and abysmal table manners.

Nighttime is when Jatla really comes to life.

Pernicious public intoxication, random assault, kidnapping for fun and profit, lynching bees, and unusually violent high stakes gambling games and tournaments such as Thulean Roulette, Kinbaku Master/Slave, Ponygirl races, the always popular ‘Bet Your Penis’ and Coprophilia Krunch, are always on display.

The city is also home to the perky glittering poo pixies, locally known as stinkerbells, who flit about from garbage heap to open pit latrine as they rummage around in noisome mounds of offal for magic treasure and rare metals.

“I hate it here.” Ryuk says as his gaze steadies on their guildhall. He checks his stats and then swipes them away.

Ryuk Matsuzaki Level 2 Ballistics Mage

HP: 115/115

ATK: 40

DEF: 5

MATK: 51

MDF: 18

LUCK: 3

 

They are shit, utter shit, but that’s what happens when you become a resetter.

How Tritania’s AI knows that force-spawning him outside of the guildhall rather than inside, where he normally spawns, would create more tension for Ryuk is beyond him.

Regardless, what matters most is seeing Tamana and her RPC is surely inside.

Most players, including Ryuk, have a Reborn Player Character set to spawn if they die in the real world, and someone who’s made the RPC conversion can access all of their life history, up to and including the actual moment of dissolution.

Deep breath in and Ryuk kicks the door open with the force of a Schwarzenator. The door creaks open and he’s greeted by a thoroughly vandalized interior and … no Tamana.

He feels a sudden sinking feeling in his gut.

In the center of the mess is their short goblin guard, Hiccup, who came with the rented guildspace.

“What the hell happened here?” Ryuk wonders as he skirts a table with all the legs broken off. A pool of mephitic indeterminate black gunk surrounds the goblin, and Ryuk strives mightily not to step in it.

He raises an eyebrow. Pinned to Hiccup’s belly with a spork is a note that reads:

We have taken Tamana hostage.

-Shinigami

“Shinigami?” He reads the note again as if it will say something different the second time. Tamana’s avatar has been taken, recently, and she was harried to her death, also recently. He instant messages her.

Ryuk: I’m at the guildhall. What happened? Where are you?

Ryuk: Please answer. Where are you?

Her instant messaging is down? He paces for a moment, wrought with worry. The only thing that can block instant messaging is an algospell ...

Hiccup moans and he ignores him.

Ryuk gets the urge to sob again. Not here, he reminds himself, do something.

“Arrrgghh … ”

“Quit pretending to be dead,” Ryuk snaps at the goblin. “You still have a few HP left. How many were there?”

The goblin moans, winces, lets one rip, and curses. He runs his hand over his eyes and rubs the sides of his bald head. “Those … those mitherfickers!”

“How many were there?” Ryuk none-too-gently nudges him with his foot. “Quick, tell me.”

“Five,” Hiccup groans, “maybe seven, or it might have been only five. Yes, it was five. No, seven. Enough to kick my ass and stick me with a spork, that’s how many! Can you believe that?” The goblin props himself up on an elbow. “And you. Are you going to just leave the spork sticking out of my tum-tum?”

“I thought taking it out would completely deplete your life bar, and I need answers. Did the kidnappers say anything about where they were taking her? I need to know now, dammit. This is a big fucking deal. Tamana – ” He swallows hard, bites his lip.

Hiccup places his hands around the spork’s grip and yanks it out. “Yoooooy!” The goblin bangs his fist against the ground. “Yoy! Yoy! Yoy! Dragon ficks!” He tosses the eating utensil aside.

“Are you done yet?”

“You don’t even have the common decency to offer me a healing potion? I know you’re holding out; all new avatars come with three.”

“I’m saving those,” Ryuk reminds the cantankerous goblin. “We’re low on funds, remember? I don’t want to go around trying to get healing potions in a shithole like Jatla, especially, at a time like now!”

The stocky goblin quivers his lip at the wound on his belly and looks up at Ryuk with big, moist puppy dog eyes.

Damn goblins. Ryuk grinds his teeth for a moment and fails to relax. “Fine, fine. If I give you a healing potion, will you tell me what they said?”

Hiccup gives him the thumbs up. “Now we’re talking! How about this: you give me two healing potions, you know, just to top me off, and I not only tell you what Tammy’s kidnappers said, I’ll fickin’ take you to the exchange place.”

Exchange place?

A quest box forms in front of Ryuk:

Quest: Will you give Hiccup two healing potions and allow him to accompany you?

Rewards: Possible level-ups and the other benefits associated with companionship.

Risks: Typical risks associated with goblin companionship included but not limited to general mayhem, thievery, asshattery and back stabbery.

(0)__(0)

“Glad we could make this arrangement.” Hiccup licks his fat lips. “Gimme, gimme, gimme.”

“Info first.”

“For crying out loud, Ryuk, I’m dying here! Give me the potion so I can at least get my swagger back!” He snorts and wipes more blood onto his pant leg.

Since when did you have swagger? Ryuk bottles the question, knowing all too well the futility of arguing with a goblin. Two small glass bottles filled with red liquid materialize and he hands them over to Hiccup, who greedily chugs them both at the same time.