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He fires an explosive shot to his immediate right, but there’s no one there. It hits the wall and blasts shrapnel into the downed ninja, killing him.

-8 HP! -13 HP!

+1 Luck!

New skill!

Skilclass="underline" Splash Back

Level One: Damage increases with higher levels.

Damage:  4% if enemy is less than level 30; 1% if enemy is greater than level 30.

Odds of instakilclass="underline" 4%

Requirements for instakilclass="underline" LUCK > 9

The stealthier surviving ninja sheds her concealment and charges towards Ryuk. Time stands still as a red targeting dot appears on her forehead.

Headshot! Instakill!

New skill!

Skilclass="underline" Gory Headshot

Level One: Odds of instakill increase with level.

Odds of Instakilclass="underline" 52% if enemy is less than level 30; 32% if enemy is greater than level 30.

Caveat: Must be within five meters of an opponent’s head.

He swipes the prompts away and turns his attention to the courtyard below.

(0)__(0)

Ryuk quickly chugs a grenade-shaped bottle of Hopkins’, which restores him to full health.

He vaults to the ground and sinks back into the shadow cast by the wall. I need to get a sense of what’s happening; I need some range. Difficult to tell who’s doing what to whom; the dust, noise and darkness all contribute to the fog of war. The sentry gun has stopped firing, either out of ammo or out of clear targets as the Mitherfickers are mixing it up with the few remaining hostiles.

Ryuk waits, weapon up.

The final barbarian still mounted bursts free of the confusion and gallops for Hiccup, whirling morning star in hand. Without the need of conscious thought or pause to aim, Ryuk points, shoots, and blows the warhorse out from under the charging berserker. He lands badly, and his mount lands atop him.

“Oh, that’s gotta fickin’ sting!” Hiccup chortles as he neatly decapitates the downed warrior and hocks a gob-gobbet onto his corpse.

A blazing blue blast a meter wide explodes outward from a knot of armored warriors; sintered metal and seared gobbets of flesh rain down upon friend and foe alike. FeeTwix stands at the apex of the cone of devastation, bowhack in hand. As the smoke clears, the algoweapon returns to its crossbow form.

Tamana cartwheels into a disoriented soldier of fortune and hacks him in half with her ironing board of a sword. As Tamana turns to seek more adversaries, the Thulean assassin stands off three brawny barbarians, and in a balletic dance of death, quickly and gracefully dispatches two as Tamana hacks the life from the third.

Helmed Hiccup pulls a healing potion out of thin air, and gets to nursing it. “Fick, that’s some good brew,” he says as he makes his way over to Ryuk. About the only barbarian left tries to lift himself off the ground as Hiccup approaches. The goblin gives him a knee to the underside of the chin, finishes off his healing potion, and smashes the bottle against the back of his head.

-16 HP!

“Who wants to kill this last guy?” Hiccup asks.

“Please don’t!” The mustachioed barbarian hombre boo-hoos. He drops to his knees in front of Hiccup, all teary-eyed and clasped hands.

“He’s not the last guy – I’m still fighting someone!” Zaena shouts as the next-to-last barbarian charges her. FeeTwix fires half a magazine into him and drops the sellsword like a bad habit.

NOW he’s the last guy!” the witty Swede observes with a chuckle. “Thank me later, babe!”

Ryuk waits for Zaena to rant about alien weapons; instead, she lowers her arms and takes a big breath. Tamana does the same once she’s stabbed her big sword into the ground.

Hiccup again. “Okay, so who wants to ice Ming the Mercenary so we can get on with this?”

“I beg you, Master Goblin - please don’t!”

“That’s Mr. Master Goblin, and boy fickin’ howdy do we got a sniveler here.” Hiccup makes the gesture for the others to gather around. Ryuk is the last to join them, his eyes still trained on the guildhall. He senses something inside, something fueled by green algomagic.

Hiccup crouches next to the final barbarian. Tamana stands back, her buster sword at the ready. Zaena keeps her eyes on the wall walk and the roof top as she scans for any activity.

“Never thought you’d see a goblin up close and personal, did ya, pal?” Hiccup slaps the blubbering bruiser with his mechanical hand. “Funny, your mom thought the same thing, but once you go goblin … ” A blank look flashes across his face. “Where … ?”

“Interrogating,” FeeTwix says under his breath, his M4 trained on the barbarian.

“This ficker? Easy. Did I already make a mom joke?”

“You did.”

“Fick me to tears, then!” Hiccup flicks his mechanical finger against the guy’s nose. “All right, Freddie Mercury, spill the beans or I’ll rip your braided mustache off and stick it up your ass!”

“I don’t know anything about them!” The NPC barbarian tears up. “My guild was just hired to protect the outside. We didn’t even meet the people inside. Honest!”

“And they’re in there now?”

“I … ” he gulps. “I don’t know. I think so. They haven’t left, but they could have spawned somewhere else.”

“He’s useless to us, kill him.” Hiccup stands.

“Wait! I’m not useless, I swear! I have more info! Last I saw, last we saw … ” He glances around at his fallen guildmates. “There were two mages, a guy with a black hood that looks like him.” He nods to Ryuk. “I mean, exactly like him. Scrawny, black hair, black hood, Ballistics Mage. No gun though.”

Exactly like me? Ryuk glances to Tamana, who offers him a quick shrug as if to say ‘I don’t remember seeing someone like that’. Zaena’s story of her first encounter with the Shinigami matches up, though.

“Just three?” Hiccup asks.

“That’s all I saw. I swear!”

“Thanks for the info. Finish the job, Twixy.”

Hiccup approaches Ryuk and both of them turn to the front doors of the guildhall. After a quick, three-round burst, FeeTwix joins them, followed by Zaena and Tamana, who takes up the rear.

“How should we do this?” Ryuk asks, looking up at the door.

“Well, there’s no sense in knocking. Twixy?”

A wrapped demolition charge appears in his hands. “My friend Boomex and I say we make a grand entrance.”

(0)__(x)

“You sure are quick to blow stuff up.” Zaena uses her ghost limb to test the door handle. “It’s unlocked.”

FeeTwix shrugs, his eyes black as ever. “A day without explosives is like a day without sunshine, and I’m sure there’ll be an opportunity for demolitions ahead.”

“How many?” Ryuk taps the side of his head.

FeeTwix grins. “The most I’ve ever had, approaching two million. Thanks for watching, everyone! Here goes the grand finale!”

“For fick’s sake, Twixy, keep it in your pants. Everyone juice up.” Another Hopkins’ Holistic Healing Brew takes shape in the goblin’s grubby palm. He chugs half of it, even though he’s hardly taken any hit point damage. After wiping his lips with his mechanical arm, he hands the bottle to Tamana. “Your turn, Tammy.”

“I’ll pass.” She lifts a single hand above her head and glittery white specks trickle from her open palm.

+32 HP!

“Looks like it’s all you, Marbles.”

+72 HP! Ryuk finishes the healing potion. As he does so, he hears FeeTwix crack one of the generic healing potions open and share it with Zaena. The Swede’s eyes flash as he reads messages from his fans.