“Twixy … you son of a wench!” Hiccup pulls himself to his feet and uses his mechanical hand to wipe away the grit. He’s bruised and bloodied, and as he ambles over to the Swede, he yanks a piece of stone shrapnel from his belly. “Fick!”
FeeTwix, his hair and face streaked with blood, laughs as he lets his audience take in the carnage. “We did it! We did it everyone! And sure, I’d like to tell you about today’s sponsor, Carl’s Hardy Jr., and their mouth-watering grilled, bacon-wrapped boneless pork chop stuffed with provolone cheese and topped with buffalo wing sauce, but I’ll save that for later.”
His mirror appears in his hand and he offers his followers a smile. “To the two million plus people livestreaming the action here … ” he bows at the mirror, “thanks! All of you are winners too, each and every one of you.”
Hiccup points his tomahawk at the Swede. “Fick you and your feel good, everybody’s a winner motivational speech – you almost fickin’ killed us!”
“Didn’t, though. And I told you to get back!”
Zaena’s short orange hair has been singed to stubble on one side, which goes well-enough with her nosebleed, dented armor, and a sprained ghost limb. Nevertheless, the Thulean assassin seems to enjoy the all or nothing approach to combat and as she limps over FeeTwix, she offers him a flirty smile. “Just glad for that battle to be over with.” He lifts onto his tippy toes to kiss her.
“I’ll heal everyone.” Tamana dusts debris off the front of her white armor with one hand and keeps the other on her big sword, which she holds at her side.
“I need more than healing, Tammy,” Hiccup yawns, notices another bit of shrapnel sticking out of his thigh and yanks it out. “Yoy! I need a fickin’ gobnap, a hot pink bubbly bath given to me by a hot pink orc drazel, a couple of platters of dragon wings, and possibly–”
Instakill! Instakill!
Surprise freezes Ryuk in place; Zaena and FeeTwix slump to the floor as their heads spin away. Gone is the clumsy, awkward Tamana; she whirls out of her decapitating strike and in a blur of motion snap-kicks the surprised goblin square in the chalupa.
“What the fick–!? Yooooy!” Hiccup doubles over; Tamana drives her oversized sword into his back and flicks his body off her blade like an incredulous, pink-tufted booger.
She turns to face Ryuk, the last man standing. Her blank expression is one he has never seen on her before. Her eyes are soulless holes; they hold no remorse, no regret for what she’s done.
What the fuck!?
Tamana moves on Ryuk.
She feints high and swings low; his dream armor lifts to block her cut. It snags the blade, and she reverses direction and hacks the edge into his exposed ribcage.
-95 HP!
Blood flies from the blade as Tamana wrenches it from his body; he clutches his wounded side as blood mists into the air.
Ryuk falls, unable to fully comprehend what has just happen.
As Tamana stands over him, a Ballistics Mage materializes next to her. He’s a commoner, the spitting image of Ryuk. His stats are completely masked. The mysterious player lifts his slingshot and as he pulls it back, a sharp, jagged knife forms in the pouch. With a sinister grin, he points the blade at Ryuk’s throat.
“FICK YOU!” The wheezing, bleeding goblin hacks his tomahawk into the doppelgänger’s back, and as the evil twin stumbles forward, Hiccup charges Tamana with his biggest shield, meeting the first slash from her surfboard-sized blade head-on. He’s knocked backwards, but remains upright and curses her as he equips a double-bitted war cleaver.
Instakill!
On his back and bleeding out, Ryuk cringes as Hiccup’s head explodes; the goblin’s bloodied pink topknot lands in his lap.
Not-Ryuk loads another black marble into his slingshot and aims it at Ryuk. Tamana flicks Hiccup’s blood off her blade. “I want to do it,” she says, her soft voice devoid of any emotion.
“By all means.” The mysterious player lowers his weapon.
Tamana approaches Ryuk with her blade at her side. She looks at him as if he were no more than a pile of goblin droppings as she raises her blade over her head.
Instakill!
Epilogue: Brother’s keeper
Kodai’s hostess bar in Shinjuku is quieter than usual. No matter, what could have been a very troubled day turned out to have a happy ending after all. Kodai settles into his chair, listening to the ambient choons pipe through the bar’s sound system.
A surprise attack on the Shinigami’s rented guild?
Kodai grins down at the malt whiskey from Nikka. Ryuk is an idiot. Kodai knew they would come – Tamana told him –and he was the one who allowed her laughably inept rescue to succeed in the first place. Ryuk and his dirty little band of shitty little fighters never knew what hit them.
Or better perhaps, what instantly killed them.
It was a beautiful thing watching Tamana drive her blade through his brother’s neck. Sure, weak, stupid Ryuk felt pain and suffering through his NV Visor’s haptic response system, but Kodai found this nowhere near as satisfying as he did the look on his brother’s face as his beloved Tamana tore through their teammates, as she approached him with her blade drawn.
The filthy goblin almost spoiled it, but Kodai quickly settled that with a black marble. Truth be told, he would have liked to have finished Ryuk off himself, but letting Tamana do it was even better.
The betrayal of it all …
He takes a sip from his whiskey and smiles. There were parts about the day that he could have done without, but ending thus far has been entirely grand.
Kodai blinks his eyes shut and sees his avatar auto-leveling in the Gristla Sand Dunes. Ryuk is currently at a higher level than he is, has more skills too, but with five more levels, he’ll be much, much stronger. He zooms in and checks his avatar’s stats and skills.
Kodai Matsuzaki Level 10 Ballistics Mage
HP: 196/323
ATK: 112
MATK: 134
DEF: 75
MDF: 83
LUCK: 7
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Skilclass="underline" Inquisitor
Level Three: Obtain information through enhanced interrogation techniques. Higher levels allow for more vigorous methodology and more effective deception.
Requirements: LUCK > 9
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Skilclass="underline" Mask Stats
Level One: Keep others from knowing your stats. Works on any player either below or within eight levels of your current level. Higher levels allow for customizable stat-based deceptions.
Requirements: LUCK > 6
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Skilclass="underline" Control NPC
Level One: Compel any individual non-player character to do your bidding. Higher levels allow for simultaneous control of additional NPCs.
Requirements: Control NPC is an algoskill. The only requirement is that it must be channeled from a higher level player to a lower level player. By accepting the skill, the lower level player allows the higher level player to directly access their D-NAS, creating a symbiotic relationship.
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Skilclass="underline" Breath of Fire
Level Two: Place a molten marble in your mouth and use it to spit flames. Damage increases with level.
Damage: 9% if enemy is less than level 30; 6% if enemy is greater than level 30.