Yangu’s blue skin tone lightens as it moves from his head, arms and back to his stomach. His scales aren’t yet sharp, especially the ones on the back of his neck, and his ruby red eyes are nearly shiny enough for Ryuk to make out his reflection.
The baby dragon coos as Ryuk touches his muzzle. It blows out a single snowflake, which melts before it can reach Ryuk’s face.
He sits closest to the driver, Marty, and next to him is Enway. Across from them are FeeTwix, Zaena, and Hiccup, who is currently using FeeTwix’s mirror to make sure his pink hair looks okay.
I wonder how long it will last. Ryuk thinks back to his botched Simple Request that gave the cantankerous goblin his pink topknot. His thoughts then move to his clear marbles, the wild card marbles, and if there will ever be a way to better utilize them.
A time marble would be helpful, and he’s been lucky enough to get several of those through his clear marble, but some of the other things the clear marbles have done, such as increasing his enemy’s attack power, make him wary these days of using them.
His sword marbles, black marbles, and molten marbles all seem to do the trick, leaving little to chance. And maybe that is the best strategy for him going forward, short and sweet, black and white. Eliminate the chance of failure.
Ryuk tunes back in to what Enway is telling the group.
“ … That’s why those men were after me, because I stole this.” She brandishes a little metal heart with gears inside. “It’s a mechanical heart. They stole it from this dealer who specializes in items from Steam, and I stole it from them. Pretty sure it’s worth something.”
“Thieving from a bunch of inbred thieves,” Hiccup murmurs. “I like it!”
“And what do you do with the artifacts that you steal?” Zaena still hasn’t warmed up to Enway, and Ryuk senses that it’ll be a while before she trusts any newcomers to their group.
“I run a rare artifact shop in Katiyana,” she says, “and I don’t steal everything. Lots of the stuff I find, other things I buy, and still other things I trade for.”
“Any weapons in your shop?” FeeTwix asks.
“None at the moment, but I recently traded a Metal Chocobo for a Cape Feather, which seems to be broken as I’m not able to fly when I equip it – but anyway, yeah, sorry. No weapons. There aren’t a lot of weapons in the town, mainly due to our ability to perform magic, none of which seems to have any effect on the wolf.”
“The wolf?” the Swede asks.
She hesitates before she says, “We have a wolf.”
“Just one?” Hiccup asks.
“Yes, just one, but it is a big one, I’m talking pony-sized here, and it has been terrorizing the town mostly for food.”
FeeTwix and Ryuk trade glances. FeeTwix asks, “And the elves aren’t able to stop it?”
“Not yet. High elves are high elves for a reason.”
“And that reason is?”
“Well, in Tritania, it means we mostly stick to nonlethal magical classes, like white magic or mystic. There are a few other incarnations, but you get the picture. Plus, and this is a big plus, everyone is scared of it.”
“And pussy poofters can’t kill a fickin’ wolf?” Hiccup laughs. “That’s about the most pathetic thing I’ve heard all week, and remember, I’m in a guild with a dude that shoots marbles.”
“Quiet, Hiccup!”
“Easy, kid, I’m just fickin’ with ya.”
“It’s a big wolf,” Enway says, her face hardening.
“The big bad wolf comes to town and suddenly all the little Keebler elves are pissin’ their pants. SAD!” Hiccup slaps his leg with his mechanical hand, winces as he realizes he’s hit himself too hard, and goes about rubbing the spot he’s just slapped to alleviate the pain.
“Let’s go, boys!” Marty the Gnome flicks the reins on the two shire horses pulling the wagon and they pick up their pace.
“Rid the town of the wolf, huh? It sounds like something we’d be able to do,” FeeTwix says.
Ryuk agrees with him. “We need to get to Porthos. We originally thought we’d see what we could do in Talini. I’m sure they have access to the catacombs, but Katiyana does as well.”
Enway’s brow furrows and she bites her bottom lip.
“It’s possible, right? We can use the catacomb entrance in your village, can’t we?”
“Access to the catacombs from Katiyana isn’t something that is ever granted to outsiders,” she says firmly.
“Well, if we kill the big bad wolf you elves are too lily-livered to handle yourself, I’d fickin’ bet my chalupa that everyone, including all the haters ‘cause lord knows there are a ton of haters in Elftown, will consider us heroes, which trumps the ‘outsider’ moniker.”
Enway cracks again. “Really, calling it a chalupa just sounds so strange. Where did you learn Spanish?”
“I don’t speak Spanish,” Hiccup growls, “I speak Mexican.”
“Mexicans speak Spanish.”
Hiccup raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that?”
“Have you ever even seen a map of our world, Hiccup?” FeeTwix asks.
The goblin blinks his eyes rapidly. “What was that? What are we talking about? Shit, I’m thirsty.” He equips a healing potion and starts unscrewing the cap.
“Faker!” Zaena points at Hiccup’s face. “You know exactly what we’re talking about!”
“Jeez, Liz, get off my sack already, and no, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Ever heard of the Tritanian Disability Discrimination Act? You’d better read up, ‘cause fickin’ with someone with early onset Goblinheimer’s is a form of discrimination. So watch it, or lawyer the fick up, Lizzy!” He guzzles the healing potion and throws the bottle out of the wagon.
“No littering!” Marty calls out.
Zaena laughs. “You lying sack of goblin shit. You know exactly what FeeTwix asked you.”
“Maybe I did, but I don’t now because we started arguing. Okay, so I was faking, you got me. Fine. But seriously. What the hell were we just talking about?”
“I’ll show him a map of the world, our world,” FeeTwix says, and before he can lift his finger to access his list, one of Marty’s horses neighs, rears back, and shits himself as a large black ghoul swoops over the wagon.
“Fick me!” Hiccup screams like a sissy and tries to crawl under the seats. “Magic Gorgers!”
The gorger cries out like a banshee, its face a visage of pain and suffering as it comes back in towards the wagon.
FeeTwix leaps out of the moving cart, hits the ground, rolls once, and comes up with a R201 Carbine. The stock goes in his armpit and he unleashes a hail of bullets at the flying wraith. Another wraith appears and once his mag is spent, FeeTwix tosses it aside and quickly goes for another.
“Whoa! Whoa!” The horses neigh and kick their feet as Marty tries to get hold of them. “Stop shooting your damn alien weapon!”
From her place in the wagon, Zaena tries to swipe the Magic Gorgers out of the air with her swords.
Hiccup screams again. “Fick me, Liz, you’re going to take someone’s head off!”
Rather than respond, she steps onto the goblin’s body and up to the bench to give herself more leverage.
“Hey!” Hiccup shouts as she springboards off his body and out of the wagon, performing an advanced display of aerial swordsmanship. The Thulean performs a superhero landing, and her limbs whip into the air as she goes for her patented blade-nado.
“Stay here!” Ryuk shouts to Enway.
“Fick!” Hiccup cries as a Magic Gorger shrieks past his face. “This isn’t the time to be a hero, Marbles!”
“I can heal you guys,” Enway says, “just keep fighting!”
“Fick no! That’s what they’re searching for. They’re Magic Gorgers, they thrive off magic power!”
Ryuk strains to hear her reply over FeeTwix’s deafening metal percussion. The Swede finishes his mag and takes cover for a moment so he can go for a new weapon.