“What about your slingshot?” Enway yells.
“Fick, Marbles, you’re a magic user too, you dimwit!” The goblin looks up at him with panicked eyes. “But do something, kid, because … fick! Ghosts!”
Another shrieking ghoul flies overhead followed a blazing green trail of energy. FeeTwix has a Proton Pack on his back now, and is trying to blast the Magic Gorger with a weapon Ryuk has never seen before.
The Gorgers are fast, and as more start to arrive, it becomes increasingly apparent that nothing the Mitherfickers fling at them is going to stick. Ryuk again goes for his Marble Gun, only to have it swiped down by Hiccup.
“What part of they’re magic gorgers do you not understand, Marbles!? They … thrive … off … magic!”
FeeTwix dodges a Magic Gorger and leaps behind a small mound of dirt. He comes back up with a BT X-42 Heavy Flamethrower and attempts to toast the swooping wraiths. The Swede burns through the tops of the trees as he trails two of the deathly ghouls.
“Enough!” Marty the Gnome hops down from his seat and walks around to the back of the wagon. “You were smart not to use any magic,” he nonchalantly tells Ryuk and Enway, who are still ducking down to avoid the wraiths. “Had you used magic, these creatures would have eaten you from the inside.”
Why’s he so casual? Ryuk thinks as a terrifying Magic Gorger comes inches away from his face, gnashes its teeth, and continues on.
“Now, are you ready to upgrade to the Silver Ruby Bonus Package?” Marty asks over the mayhem. “The diversity discount no longer applies – sorry, time sensitive – but I could keep the cost at thirty thousand rupees because I’m not able to cover the wagon remotely, nor do I have time to set up the open bar. How does that sound?”
Another ghoul passes in front of him and Hiccup fires off a squealer.
“Fine!” Ryuk coughs as he’s enveloped by a spicy goblinic aftermath.
“Transfer money first, then the enemies will be dealt with!” Marty places his hands behind his back and smiles smugly. “Sorry, business is as business does!”
“I’ll fickin’ kill him!” Hiccup scrambles to get out of the wagon but Ryuk and Enway hold him back. A Magic Gorger spins just above Hiccup’s head, and he screams out and drops another trouser bomb that can be heard over the screeching gorgers, Zaena’s swordplay, and whatever weapon FeeTwix is currently firing.
“Yoooooy!” Hiccup cries out in anguish at his painful flatulence.
“Fuck!” Ryuk can damn near taste the peppery dragon wing stench that now befouls the air. Enway starts to gag and it’s not long before she’s ralphing over the other side of the wagon.
“Feetwix!” Ryuk cries out. “Transfer thirty thousand to Marty now! NOW! He’ll handle the gorgers!”
FeeTwix lowers some advanced shooting iron. “You sure?” he calls over the schwing of Zaena’s swords.
“Do it, dammit!”
Marty’s face suddenly lights up. “Good!” The gnome shoots Ryuk the thumbs up and takes a few steps away from the wagon.
“What the fick is he doing?” Hiccup asks, his lip quivering. “We’re all gonna die! And did you dumbficks actually pay him thirty thousand rupees? Do you know how much Wizardous–?”
His budding diatribe is interrupted when Marty begins to unhinge his jaw and stretch it away from his face. The gnome’s friendly eyes roll back into his head and he puts both hands on either side of his cheeks and opens his mouth until he can no longer stretch his hands wide.
“What in the actual fick!?”
Marty spreads his legs wide, curls his body backwards, and after a thunderous exhale, he begins sucking in air rapidly. The Magic Gorgers closest to Marty zip into his mouth, and soon, a whirling vortex has opened before the gnome, as everything is sucked into his waiting maw.
The air whips all around the Mitherfickers.
FeeTwix has to hold onto one of the trees he’s scorched not to be sucked up. Zaena stabs two swords into the ground and uses all her strength to keep from being ripped away from the soil. Hiccup covers his head with his smallest shield and Enway grabs onto Ryuk’s arm, anchoring herself for dear life.
Dirt, rocks, twigs, and small woodland creatures continue to be sucked into Marty’s gaping mouth until finally he starts to close his jaw. The Magic Gorgers gone, the gnome licks his lips, burps, and turns back to his wagon.
“Good,” he tells the group as he brushes his hands together. “Now let’s get to Katiyana!”
Chapter 8: Pink Salon
Kodai’s aerosSUV lands on top of his pink salon, Jan Hinamaru, which is located on the outer rim of Roppongi. What better place to attract customers than Toyko’s vibrant club district?
Aside from the usual haunts of the water trade like Shinjuku and the area southeast of Ueno Station, the outer rim of Roppongi has taken off over the last twenty years, especially as Japanese sex trade managers relaxed their self-imposed ban against gaijins.
As it turns out, there’s a lot more money to be made by opening all the otherworldly Japanese sex offerings to foreigners. From cuddle bars to delivery health services, Japan’s sex trade has become a multibillion dollar affair, fueled by globalization and faster modes of travel.
All of which is good news for Kodai and his family’s operations.
The young Yakuza crime lord waits for Tesla to give him the go ahead. The lean humandroid bodyguard now wears a slim-fitting trench coat to better hide her weapons. She’s still in her MercSecure outfit, which is tight and form-fitting yet made from a special type of non-Newtonian fluid.
It is a cloudy day, chilly too, and as aeros pass above them, Kodai senses that it may sleet later. Prompted by his thought, the weather forecast appears on his iNet screen next to the icon of a kawaii cloud that grimaces as sleet falls from its body.
“Kodai.” The door guy, ape-like with slicked back hair, bows long and respectfully. Behind him is a holoscreen showing which girls are on offer. Of the six currently at the pink salon, only two are available, Aimi and Kotomi.
Since they are the only two available, their images are the only ones moving on the holoscreen. Aimi, in a reflective silver bikini top, opens her mouth wide, showing the back of her teeth. She licks her soft lips, winks, and blows a kiss.
The other girl, Kotomi, bends just enough to show the bottom of her ass cheeks. The video cuts to a close-up of her mouth and lips. The camera pulls back, allowing the viewer to see the top of her ample tits.
The sign advertises the cost for the double service, which consists of two women working in shifts over the span of thirty minutes. It’s a long blowjob, but this type of service is pretty much standard across the pink salon landscape of Japan. Most men blow their wad during the first ten minutes anyway, and a few of the more vigorous ones are able to blow a second by the thirty minute mark.
Kodai looks to Tesla’s face. The humandroid is expressionless as she waits for him to pass in front of her.
Good, he thinks, because the oddity that is a pink salon only gets stranger.
Having grown up in Japan, but spent several years in America, Kodai now has a new perspective of his homeland, even with the fact that his businesses are a thriving part of the oddities that a typical foreigner would find strange or perverse.
She’s not a foreigner, he reminds himself, but damn if she doesn’t look like one with her features, though.
He’s been trying not to gawk at Tesla all morning. She seems so real, everything about her is identical to a regular human aside from her eyes. Tesla scans people she meets and as she does so, her eyes dilate big and black.