He pockets a clear marble and walks towards the two blade mistresses, ready to cast A Simple Request. His Extreme Focus kicks in and he becomes completely oblivious to what’s happening on FeeTwix, Enway, and Hiccup’s side of the equation.
His slingshot aimed, he waits for the moment in which Zaena is far enough away for him to get a clear shot, waits a moment longer, and lets loose the clear marble.
“Remove enchantment!” he bellows.
The clear marble strikes Tamana and her arms begin to bulge.
A large bubble forms under her alien armor and begins moving around her body, growing every body part it comes into contact with. Her arms go to four times their size, her legs, her torso, her skull-helmed head, and finally, her buster sword.
(0)__(0)
“Dragon ficks! Marbles, you fickered fick-laden fickbag! What the hell did you just do!?” Hiccup uses a heater shield with an image of a nude mermaid inlaid on its front to block a thrust from Tomas’ double-bitted ax trident.
Tamana, now five times her normal size, brings her buster sword back and takes out a farmhouse. Wood and debris spray into the air. With a grunt, she brings her sword down, cuts through the fence penning in the sheep, kills a few sheep in the process, and those that aren’t killed by her blade quickly scramble out, bleating as they ram into each other and add a fluffy white visual of chaos to the battle.
A white magic surrounds Enway and she lifts into the air. The magic spirals around her, forming a vortex between her floating body and the ground. She claps her hands together and the vortex whips towards giant Tamana, where it takes her off balance.
Tamana falls to one knee, her blade jabbing into the ground, and Zaena comes in for more swordplay. With her giant hand, Tamana bitch-slaps the living shit out of the Thulean, sending her flying into the air.
Zaena’s ghost limbs react just in time, saving her from crashing into a shed outside of the now defunct sheep pen.
Taking a deep breath in, Ryuk pulls back the clear marble and issues his command.
“Remove enchantment!”
Remove enchantment!
LUCK +1!
Ryuk pumps his fist in the air. “It worked!” he yells to Zaena. “The enchantment is removed!”
While she still may be giant-sized, Tamana’s ability to heal with each attack is gone.
“Everyone focus on Tamana,” FeeTwix shouts. “I’ll take care of Tomas!”
As much as it pains him to do so, Ryuk unholsters his Marble Gun and begins firing black and molten marbles at Tamana’s giant feet as she tries, and fails, to squish Hiccup.
-15 HP! -23 HP! -24 HP!
Just as she’s taken off balance, Enway pegs Tamana with a translucent cube made of white magic. The cube anchors itself over Tamana’s chest as lightning bolts ping from corner to corner inside the cube.
-81 HP!
Tamana’s hand comes up to heal herself and Ryuk takes aim at it. He fires at the back of her hand, just as Zaena uses her ghost limbs to hoist herself onto Tamana’s big arm.
Unable to finish her healing, Tamana tries to swat Zaena off; the Thulean leaps over Tamana’s incoming hand, scurries up the armor covering her upper arm, and arrives at her shoulder.
Meanwhile, Hiccup has taken to beating his spiked club against Tamana’s armored ankle. Hit after hit, he takes big sips from a healing potion to keep himself going.
Ryuk pops his spent mag out, loads another, and continues firing at Tamana’s free hand. In the blink of an eye, Zaena throws two of her blades forward, grabs them with her konoshlo mid-flip, and drives them into the side of Tamana’s thick neck.
-130 HP!
She uses her forward momentum to bring her body even closer to Tamana’s neck, where she stabs her repeatedly with all four blades.
Instakill!
“Fickin’ kill that giant bitch, Liz!”
Tamana drops her ginormous buster sword, which ruins what’s left of the sheep pen. She falls to her knees, her neck bubbling with blood as she sucks in air.
“Everybody out of the way!” Zaena takes a running leap off Tamana and propels herself to a rooftop.
“Fick!” Hiccup shrieks, his little goblin legs carrying him as fast as they can. He gets his leg caught under a piece of fence, flies forward and faceplants hard.
Tamana follows suit, landing with her head on her arm just a few meters shy of Hiccup, who screams, pisses himself, realizes he’s safe, gets to his feet, and runs towards Tamana’s face with his spiked club.
“This ends now!” the Swede bellows.
Ryuk glances right to see a battered and bruised FeeTwix holding a rather large Bowie knife. Tomas comes in for an attack and the knife starts to bubble up FeeTwix’s arm.
His mutant hack!
Symbiose overlaps itself as the mutant hack increases in size, portions of the biomatter lifting off and slapping back onto the outer shell to increase its girth.
A watermelon-sized barrel forms on the other end of the weapon; FeeTwix uses his other hand to hold the bottom of the barrel and takes a step back, waiting for the weapon to charge.
Just as he gets within striking distance, Tomas is met with a blast that tears the top half of his body off.
The blazing, concentrated beam of vibrant green energy keeps spewing out of the weapon long after Tomas has been separated from his body.
As soon as the mutant hack stops firing, the Swede collapses backwards, his chest moving up and down as he sucks in air.
(0)__(x)
“Stop kicking Tamana’s face!” Ryuk is next to FeeTwix now, watching as Zaena comforts her man. Enway stands to their right, ready to heal at a moment’s notice. What’s left of Tomas’ body isn’t too far away either.
“I’ll keep kicking her face until her avatar disappears.” Hiccup produces a healing potion, guzzles it for a minute, burps, beats his chest at the sudden heartburn, and returns to kicking Tamana.
Ryuk looks away. It’s easier to ignore her giant dead avatar than to come to grips with the fact that just a few days ago, everything was normal. They were friends and there was the hope for something more.
But now …
He swallows hard. Zaena looks at him with her slitted orange eyes and they soften. “I am very glad you have those clear marbles,” she says. “Even if they do things like turn our enemy into a giant.”
“A giant bitch!”
“Goblin, stop harassing the dead or I will see to it that you join her!”
“Fick you, Lizzy!”
“We’re just lucky that it worked the second time,” says Ryuk. “It usually takes a few shots to get it right. Maybe once it levels up, I’ll be able to get it every time.”
“That’d make you god-like,” FeeTwix says, still out of breath. “Which has its advantages.”
Ryuk switches to the messaging system to keep things private.
Ryuk: How many viewers?
FeeTwix: Approaching 3.5 million. Giant warrior women sell, but I need to take a break. I still need to unpack what happened with Tomas. That was hard.
Hiccup: Boo-hoo. Why don’t you get Liz to let you use her pocket spa for a safe space?
FeeTwix: My work here isn’t finished!
FeeTwix equips his mirror and gives it a grin, his teeth a bit bloody. “I’ll heal up after this, guys, don’t worry. Now that all of you are here, I want to say that I’m so very glad for you to be part of what just happened! The intrigue! A giant Tamana! Be sure to share the video with your friends and neighbors and neighbors’ neighbors! And don’t forget to tell them about McStarbucks’ latest offer. You guessed it, the Twonicorn Frappuccinos and Twonicorn Big Mac are back! Holy Howard Schultz in a boner cap with a stick up his ass!”