FeeTwix turns to Hiccup and his eyes flash blue. “Enough, Hiccup. You’ve really set off a huge discussion about race on my feed and if you didn’t already know, when any online discussion of race comes out, there’s bound to be a troll lurking.”
“You guys have trolls too?” Hiccup’s eyes go wide. “Fick those guys. All of them are lazy, and most have poor personal hygiene.”
“Yes, we do have trolls, but not in the way that you think.”
The goblin continues. “Are your trolls greasy little-minded fickers that like to fick with people just to see their reactions and actually do this under the guise that they are being serious yet on some levels, they are being serious? Are they fat? Generally less educated? Of questionable hygiene?”
FeeTwix considers this. “Well, I don’t know if all of them are, but that’s definitely a subset.”
Hiccup pauses to consider this. “Damn, everything I learn about your world up there makes me hate it more. At least trolls here are pretty easy to kill.”
He goes from a conversation about trolls, killing trolls, best torture practices for trolls, to a conversation about the various ways he’d cook Oric’s big black wolf if he were allowed to kill it. By the time the goblin reaches this topic, Ryuk has long since tuned him out.
Breathe, he thinks.
It’s a nice night, cold and breezy, and after he’s lifted his brown hood over his head to block the wind, Ryuk slows his pace so the three can walk ahead a bit.
His Extreme Focus kicks in, and he keeps his eyes on their surroundings just in case.
(0)__(0)
The four Mitherfickers arrive at Lake Klattenhoff, which is smaller than the lakes Ryuk is used to seeing in the real world. Lake Okutama, Suwa Lake, Lake Kitaura – the lakes in Japan are large and plentiful, places to spend vacations or to take short weekend trips.
Ryuk has taken a few of those, mostly when he was younger, when his family actually traveled together. He recalls biking around Suwa Lake with his brother, tailed by two of his father’s hired muscle. Not until he was older did he realize how odd it was to have security everywhere he went.
But that’s a different life, a life far removed from where he currently stands, in front of quaint Lake Klattenhoff surrounded by sand dunes licked with frost.
It’s noticeably colder here, and Ryuk comes up with the clever idea of palming a pair of molten marbles to keep his hands warm. It works, and he keeps the marbles gripped tightly as he approaches the lake and looks to the northern shore.
A series of tents lit with lanterns are pressed up against the shoreline. A few herders sit around a campfire warming their hands. On the far side of their camp are several griffins, their feathers reflecting the light from the lanterns.
Griffin herders, he thinks.
In the spring, once the frost melts, griffin herders hold an epic race that spans from the top to the bottom of the floating continent. The winner gets an audience with Empress Thun and rare sponsored items. Last year, it was a Wendy’s Hut stuffed crust bacon burger helm that gave the wearer plus fifty defense and also allowed them access to exclusive eateries all across Tritania, famed for their food which permanently increases HP.
“So where are the herbs?” Hiccup yawns. “I’m ready to cure Conan’s ass so we can get this show on the road.” A devious grin spreads across his face. “Plus, there’s still the issue of that halfling back at DD’s BBQ.”
FeeTwix’s eyes flash as he scans messages from his followers. “Ah! Here it is. We’re not looking for herbs, we’re looking for lily pads. Apparently, these lily pads are baked and then beaten to a fine powder. Then we mix it with some food and BOOM! We have ourselves a cured warrior that can take care of his pooch. Strange guy, by the way. Something different about him.”
“That’s because he’s not from here,” Ryuk says as he takes a few steps closer to the water. His Extreme Focus kicks in and it takes all of three seconds for him to catch some of the lily pads in question.
“Not from here?” Hiccup asks. “Like one of you fickin’ commoners? I knew I smelt something funny about the guy!”
“From another world?” Zaena asks. The Thulean has moved to the edge of the water and in a swift gesture, plucks one of the lily pads from the surface. She flips it up and over, and it lands square on Hiccup’s head.
“Fick me, Liz, careful with the goods!” he growls, and the way he fixes his pink topknot tells Ryuk that the goblin is referring to his hair, not the plants to be collected.
“Oric is from Unigaea,” Ryuk explains. “It was a fantasy world popular in the 2060s, so he’s a Player Character and, in a way, an immiNPC.”
“That would explain the tattoo on his chest,” says the Swede.
“Unigaea was a special fantasy world because of its mechanics, which made it quite frustrating. If you died in Unigaea, you died. That was it. You had to start over with a different avatar.”
Zaena turns to Ryuk and eyes him curiously. “I’m guessing that doesn’t apply to my kind.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know how it applied to NPCs, but anyway, to finish the story. Something happened, a source code bomb, and some people from Unigaea came here. Remember those two gnomes back in Kayi?”
“No,” she says.
“That’s cause you and Twixy were too busy killing zombies while Tammy – fick her by the way – and Marbles and I were busy looting. That’s how you got your necklace. The gnomes gave it to us. I forgot their names. Anus and Chippie. That might have been it. You’re wearing your necklace, right?”
“Arun and Chantrea. They were married,” Ryuk interjects.
“Close enough, and that’s their damn fault.”
Zaena pulls it out from the front of her armor. “I’ve been wearing the necklace since it was given to me.”
“We should see what Oric says about it,” Ryuk suggests. “He may be able to read it or tell us if it has some type of power. There’s no telling.”
“Good idea.” Zaena lifts another lily pad from the water and flings it over her head. As she does so, a great beast, easily the size of a city bus, pulls out of the center of the lake, flapping its enormous wings.
“Holy fick!” Hiccup shrieks, and lets loose a squealer.
The great beast cries out, shakes more water from its gigantic wings, and lifts into the air.
“What the hell is that thing!?” FeeTwix shouts, his eyes black orbs. “A what?” he asks his fans.
“Charochakcha!”
“WE’RE FICKED!” Hiccup dives for cover just as the great bird-like creature swoops down and grabs the goblin with its talons.
It screeches and the crimson wattle beneath its neck expands in size as it lifts back into the air.
(0)__(x)
“It has Hiccup!” Ryuk charges after the giant bird and as he does so, its stats appear before him.
Charochakcha Level ??
HP: 2000/2000
ATK: 348
MATK: 0
DEF: 407
MDF: 386
LUCK: 25
Her ghost limbs propelling her forward, Zaena hurls herself into the air and latches on to the feathered creature.
She hits the dirt as she’s dragged forward, and she collides with a thick bramble that definitely gives her some nicks and scrapes. From there, she’s airborne, propelling herself closer to the flying monstrosity in her mad dash to save Hiccup.