Oric glances from Ryuk to the goblin. Ryuk gives him the face the whole family makes when grandpa is drunk again.
“It’s not an STD,” Enway says, “but he did come into contact with something, likely in these mountains. It could have been something he ate. Did you eat anything odd?”
Oric glances over to his big wolf. “We eat whatever we can find.”
“I realize that, but anything out of the ordinary?”
He thinks for a moment. “We recently ate seagull.”
Hiccup snorts. “Macho Man over here can’t even afford to go down to DD’s BBQ and get himself some choice bits!” He looks to FeeTwix for support. “Can you believe this ficker?”
Wolf approaches Hiccup and the goblin suddenly shuts up. The towering canine paces around to the other side of the hog and licks his lips, in an action that could be interpreted as being either directed at Hiccup or meant for the pig.
“A seagull up here?” Enway asks.
“We thought it was odd, too,” says Oric, “but it was a fat seagull and we were hungry. So, two days, right? And you’re certain it can’t be any sooner?”
“I wouldn’t go anywhere if I were you. You need rest, Oric.”
He presses his back to the rock wall and slides down to the ground. “Then Wolf can go with you.”
“Your wolf?” Ryuk asks.
“His full name is Wolf Ruffian. He can be helpful, and I’m sure he’ll help you in the catacombs. Enway here told me about your trip to Porthos, and I don’t know exactly what you are up to, but I would at least like to offer you something. And as I stated earlier, I would like to join you when I am well.”
“Sounds good,” says Ryuk. FeeTwix and Zaena nod in agreement.
Hiccup glances from the rotating hog, to Oric, to Ryuk, to FeeTwix, and back to Ryuk. “Nope. No way I’m adding dog-sitting to my resume. And besides that, this fickin’ mutt won’t be let into the city limits of Porthos. Hell, we’re stretching it just by bringing Liz in.” He points his brass finger at Ryuk. “Marbles, you and I, we go way back, but trust me on this one, the pup stays.”
“He wouldn’t be going with you all the way to Porthos, just escorting you through the catacombs,” Oric says firmly.
“He’d be more helpful than you, goblin.”
“Fick me to the moon and back, Liz, how many times do I have to tell you … ” Hiccup takes a deep breath, turns away from the Thulean, and scratches the back of his head with his middle finger.
“Of course we’ll let Wolf come with us!” FeeTwix announces as his eyes flash blue. “I only have a few seconds here so I’ll make this quick: views are surging at the moment, and adding a wolf and an elf to our group will surely, surely give my viewers something they’ve never seen before! I swear we’ll end up on an episode of Flight Feet if we keep this up!”
His eyes flash black again.
“Hello, everybody! I talked to the gang – by the way, Hiccup says ‘hi’ to all you Fickers – and we’ve all agreed to allow the big bad wolf from Unigaea to accompany us! Now that I have your attention, have you ever found yourself in need of some epically good choons? Well, look no further!”
Oric raises an eyebrow as FeeTwix launches into his spiel.
“DJ Ride the Lightning is teaming up with the holo-Beatles to bring you a Proxima concert the likes of which you have never experienced before! The Proxima Company has actually built a custom world with a concert venue that can hold up to thirty million avatars. Tickets are on two-fer if you mention #FeeTwixRox at checkout or purchase redemption codes at any 7-11 or McStarbucks in the world. They’ll take any currency, in-game, crypto, or actual money, and the only stipulation is you won’t be able to bring or equip weapons. I’ll be there, the rest of the Mitherfickers too!”
“What the fick did he just say?” Hiccup asks.
“That’s right! The Mitherfickers will be there on the Tritania platform!” FeeTwix brings his mirror back and forth from his face. “Hopefully I’ll see you guys tonight!”
His eyes flash blue and he speaks twice as fast as he normally does.
“Sorry, guys, there’s a concert we kind of have to go to tonight. I knew I was forgetting to tell you something! It’ll be a quick appearance, don’t worry. We can head through the catacombs, and once we reach the exit point, we can head to the concert. It’ll only take thirty minutes to an hour, then it’s back to the quest!”
“A concert on another world?” Zaena asks. “Is it possible?”
FeeTwix laughs. “Of course it’s possible, babe, the Proxima Company has already provided me with a port. It’s kind of like your Sotlian Spa Ring – we’ll go there, and come immediately back.”
“Will there be girls?” Hiccup asks.
Wolf barks and wags his tail at Hiccup.
“We’re not bringing you, pooch, but I like your thinking. If there are girls, there’s room for a goblin!”
“So many ladies, Hiccup,” FeeTwix says, “and I’m sure the Fickers will be there as well! What do you think, Ryuk? Can we carve out a little time tonight for a quick gala?”
Ryuk glances at Oric, who has a look on his chiseled face that screams ‘I don’t do galas,’ to Zaena, who is nodding in excitement. “Sure, let’s do it, after we get through the catacombs. And Wolf is welcome to join us in the catacombs. We’ll need all the help we can get.”
Skill level up!
Skilclass="underline" Inspire Others
Level Three: By inspiring others, you induce them to follow your orders. Higher levels allow for manipulation of enemies and random strangers.
Requirements: LUCK > 10
Ryuk ignores the prompt for a moment as Oric says, “Good, I’ll be better in two days. I expect you four to come back here.”
“We will,” Ryuk assures him, “I have to get Yangu.”
“And me,” Enway says proudly. “I want to join the Mitherfickers.”
“Bandwagon fickgirl!” Hiccup coughs into his hand.
“Two days should be plenty of time for you to perform your extreme vetting,” she teases Hiccup. “I have nothing to hide.”
“You just want to join us so you can come to the concert tonight, admit it, Elfy!”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m already going to the concert tonight.” She produces a single ticket. “Need any more proof?”
“Then you just want to come to the fickin’ VIP section. I know your type.”
“Enough,” Ryuk cuts the goblin off. “Please eat for the second time this morning and then get to the entrance of the catacombs. I’ll need to log out for a bit, maybe an hour and a half. We can hit the catacombs after that.”
“Why’s that?” FeeTwix asks.
“I have to meet my mother.”
Chapter 17: The Empress Speaks
Kodai stands in the shadows of a monument to the Sage of Gotha. Jutting off from one of the branches of the tree monument is a cherub holding a book with Cyrillic scrawled across it. Kodai has no idea what it means, or who the figure is, and he really doesn’t give a shit.
His eyes are trained on the procession about to take place.
Hundreds of people have gathered in a small square on the side of Valhalla closer to downtown Porthos. Security is tight, and the Empress’ guards, known as the Knights in White Satin because of their white capes, stand at every corner with broadswords and stern looks on their faces.
Those gathered range from big half-orcs with pig faces to well-dressed maidens with golden locks. There are elves, dwarves, elven dwarves, commoners, NPCs, RPCs, goblins, and even a few Thuleans who occupy the upper right quadrant of the crowd and sit in nicely carved chairs on a raised platform.
The doors of an expansive balcony open up and the crowd grows quiet.