“It’s not that; it’s that I’m not interested in going there, it’s not me, it’s not who I am. I told you what I want to do.”
“What if you enroll and don’t go to any classes and fail? What would happen then?”
“She didn’t say.”
“Did she say what you needed to study?”
“She didn’t, but I assume it’s business, like before.”
“We’ll continue this discussion in a moment.” Hajime exits the vehicle. Once he’s checked the surroundings, he opens the door for Ryuk. They both ignore the thugs in the lobby as they make their way up to the top floor.
“If I were you, I’d enroll,” says Hajime, “and this isn’t about job security for me. To me, higher education is something that I can get in an instant, yet a human takes years to fully appreciate and comprehend. That said, if it weren’t for those years of comprehension, and the subsequent writings that came from them, I wouldn’t be able to enlighten myself as quickly as I’m able to. It’s important that you go. There’s a reason to get smarter and you are looking at one of the many reasons.”
Ryuk shakes his head. He’s not in the mood for riddles, or double entendres, if that is indeed what Hajime is hinting at.
“Anyway, we can discuss this later. My guess is you are interested in logging in. Before you do so, are you hungry?”
“Not in the least bit,” Ryuk says.
“Good, eat anyway.” Hajime’s eyes flash black. “It’ll make you feel better.”
They enter the apartment, Ryuk slips into his house shoes, and after he’s done so, he immediately moves to the kitchen, where he toasts himself a piece of bread with a slice of cheese on top. “I forgot to ask you … ”
“What’s that?” Hajime’s eyes dilate and return to their normal color.
“What happened between you and Kodai’s humandroid?” The toaster oven dings and Ryuk slides the bread out onto a plate.
If the look on Hajime’s face is generally indecipherable, it becomes more so after Ryuk asks his question.
“What is it?” Ryuk asks as he chews the toast.
“Her name is Tesla and I believe that your little conundrum with university enrollment may be solved by her.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it is clear that your brother has hired her to see to it that I am eliminated.” Hajime says this in a calm way, a way that is totally at odds with the implications of the statement. “So you may not have to choose between university and me.”
“She can’t … ” Ryuk shakes his head. “She can’t take you out. You’re the best humandroid there is!”
Hajime’s face softens. “There is no way for you to actually know that.”
“You’re the most enlightened one I’ve ever met.”
“I was designed by the creator of humandroids, Richard Hewman. The others are replicas of me, but many, especially newer models, have been highly tweaked. She is faster than me, deadlier, and stronger.”
“She can’t be stronger.”
“Yes, she can be.” Hajime takes a seat at the table. “But don’t worry about that for now. If she comes for me, I will meet her with extreme force. If she attempts to disable me permanently, I will make sure that it is the last thing she does.”
Ryuk swallows hard. “Did … did you two say anything to each other?”
“Not verbally, but there are other ways to communicate, especially for my kind.”
(0)__(0)
When in doubt, escape.
Ryuk’s avatar takes shape at the entrance to a large cave. Hiccup is reclining on a lawn chair, which could have only come from FeeTwix’s list. Across his chest is a copy of House of Holes, and two empty healing potions aren’t far away.
Across from him, Zaena talks with Enway, while FeeTwix stands near them, petting Wolf. The pony-sized beast has taken a liking to FeeTwix, evident in the way he wags his tail.
As if on cue, Hiccup lets out a low rumble from his nether-cheeks that forces him awake. “Shit!” he says, looking around angrily. “Keep the racket down, Marbles.”
“I didn’t make any noise. It was you,” he says sternly, “you woke yourself up, again.”
“Like fick I did!” The goblin yawns. “It’s about goddamn time you showed up. We’ve been sitting at the entrance to the catacombs for like three hours now. Fick, am I glad DD’s BBQ delivers.” He tosses his finger at a series of greasy sacks. “Good eating. Twixy can attest.”
“It didn’t give me any buffs, but it wasn’t bad!”
“Twixy here wouldn’t try the deep fried cat tail, but I won’t hold it against him. Fick if cats aren’t good eating. Kittens are better though, and don’t tell me you need to go to your safe place after hearing that.”
“I didn’t say anything.” Ryuk turns away from the goblin, hoping that will shut him up.
“Hey! I’m not done telling you about eating cats. Fick, I bet Lassie over there would love himself a nicely marinated slab of feline meat.”
FeeTwix approaches Ryuk and puts his hand around his shoulder. “Everything all right in the real world up there?”
“You two are some real poofters,” Hiccup chortles. Wolf approaches the goblin and they both growl at each other for a moment.
“It was … fine.” Ryuk smiles briskly.
“Well, you’re developing quite a good number of fans.” FeeTwix points at his black eyes. “Say something to them!”
“Hi.”
“Fick me, Marbles, you really need to figure out how to turn up the charisma. I used to have a copy of How to Make Friends and Influence People, but I loaned it to Spewy. Anyfick, it’s no wonder Tammy never let you get past first base.”
“Leave him alone,” Zaena says, interrupting her conversation with Enway.
“You’ll have a chance to see some of your fans tonight at the concert,” FeeTwix says. “And from what I heard, there will be close to a thousand Fickers there.”
“How many people are going again?” Hiccup asks.
“Usually these concerts have up to thirty million people in attendance.”
“Well, it sounds more like there will be up to thirty million fickers there. Ha! See what I did there?”
“No, Fickers,” the Swede says, “your fan club. Lots of people are coming out!”
“Do they have drugs?”
“Maybe?”
“Good, come on over here, Twixy, so I can give them a piece of my mind.”
“Okay, but after this it’s time to head to the catacombs and kick some ass! One more thing–”
“Twixy, let me say my piece before you start doing an ad read.”
FeeTwix stops in front of Hiccup, giving his viewers a nice, downward looking view of the chubby goblin sprawled out on a lawn chair. Hiccup points a dirty finger at FeeTwix’s blackened eyes. “Listen, Fickers, all thousands of you that are coming. Drugs and booze, capiche? Not necessarily in that fickin’ order, but bring what you got and pay tithe to your favorite cantankerous goblin. I’ll bring the Wizardous, ouch!”
Hiccup dives for cover as Zaena whops him again on the head with her konoshlo.
“Don’t encourage people to do drugs,” she says as she approaches.
“What the fick are you, the T-DEA or something? Fickin’ shit, Liz, nothing wrong with experimenting!”
Enway laughs. She has Yangu in the backpack slung over her shoulder. The dragon sleeps, as always, and Ryuk wonders if the dragon will be this somnolent when he’s older.
As Hiccup and Zaena bicker, Ryuk approaches Enway and thanks her for looking after the baby dragon.
“Ahem!” FeeTwix announces, but everyone's too busy holding their own conversations to hear him.
“Really, thank you,” Ryuk says, bowing his head. “And thank you for looking after Oric. I believe he will be a great addition to our group.”
“What makes you think that?” she asks.
“Just something I’m intuiting, I don’t know, we were pretty badly betrayed, like I sort of explained on the way to Katiyana, but we can’t let that stop us from adding new members.”