“For fick’s sake, Twixy, get something less destructive!” Hiccup shouts as a large piece of the ceiling falls between him and the auroch.
The beast snorts smoke, scratches its hoof against the ground, and takes aim at Ryuk.
His marble gun trained before him, Ryuk just barely manages to fire off an explosive round before the underground bull connects with him.
-166 HP!
Up in the air Ryuk goes, where he’s immediately caught by one of Zaena’s ghost limbs. She brings him to the ground safely enough, swings around, and tries to come down on top of the auroch, who is making a circle around the chamber looking for targets.
The auroch bucks and groans as Zaena’s blades connect with its thick hide.
-14 HP! -24 HP! -8 HP!
Ryuk looks at Wolf, who’s in the hallway that they came in from, tracking the creature with his blue-green eyes. From there he looks to Hiccup, who has produced his largest shield and is hiding behind it, nursing a healing potion.
“Are you guys serious!?” FeeTwix asks as he swipes a poll away.
The Swede equips the boombox and House of Pain’s “Jump Around” starts up. Before it can get past the trumpet intro, the auroch charges him and he tosses the boombox at it.
KA-BOOOOOOOOM!
-237 HP! Critical hit!
The explosion that follows takes down more of the ceiling, rattles the walls, and sends a shockwave through the chambers, taking a bit of everyone’s life bar.
“What the fick was that!?” Hiccup yells. “Fick!” The auroch is in the center of the chamber now, bleeding heavily as it tries to get its bearings.
“What? You thought I’d toss an ordinary boombox! That’s my BOOM boombox! Has Boomex Super XXL inside, the most powerful dynamite in Dead City!” FeeTwix gets back to his feet and dusts off his overcoat. “To everyone watching the feed right now, all three million of you, good choice!” As the smoke clears, he launches into a quick ad about a breakfast cereal that meets FDA requirements and is kid-tested, stepmother-approved, whatever the hell that means.
The auroch shakes out its confusion, finds a target – Ryuk – and as the pissed off bovine charges, Ryuk unloads an entire mag of molten and black marbles into the beast’s thick skull.
-86 HP! -75 HP! -30 HP! -9 HP!
“Whoa!” Ryuk’s body is launched into the air by an invisible force, just in time for the auroch to smash into the wall.
Zaena sets him down nicely on the other side of the chamber.
“Thanks!” he shouts to her.
Wolf comes dashing out of nowhere, slams into the side of the auroch, gets his sharp teeth around the beast’s jugular and gets to killing.
“Fick yeah!” Hiccup tosses his shield aside. “This is better than a ponytail race!”
“If you’re squeamish, look away!” FeeTwix tells his viewers. “It’s gonna be gory!”
Wolf brings the auroch down and continues ripping its neck to shreds until his snout is covered in blood.
Instakill!
He stands over his prey for a moment, making sure it is indeed dead. Once he’s certain, Wolf sits on his haunches and begins licking his maw.
“Whew!” FeeTwix wipes his brow. “That sure was something!” The Swede licks his finger and cleans a black smudge mark on his arm. “Stoked that I got to use my boombox, though.”
“See, that’s why we need a couple of these big fickers,” Hiccup says, walking over to the dead auroch with a long knife. “We let our wolves do the fighting, then we get the spoils. This is the best plan I’ve had in weeks, so I hope you’re taking notes, Twixy.”
“I thought Ryuk was taking notes.”
“Ah, nevermind.” The goblin cuts the beast’s stomach open, jams his mechanical arm in, and at this point, Ryuk looks away. “Marbles, you are such a pussy … fick! Fick!”
Hiccup yanks his arm out of the bull’s guts; a two meter long worm comes with him, gnawing at the goblin’s brass arm as he tries to beat it off with his other fist. “Fick! Get it off me!”
Wolf barks and tries to nip at the worm’s tail. Ryuk trains his Marble Gun on the writhing worm, waiting to get off a shot.
“I’ve got it!” Zaena brings two blades down onto the large worm, severing it into two halves. The second half, which apparently has a head on its receiving end lined with teeth, goes after Zaena.
Clickety-boom! Clickety-boom!
Instakill!
FeeTwix lowers his sawed-off shotgun, watching as the second worm dies. Meanwhile, Hiccup has pulled the worm’s other half off his mechanical arm and is in the process of stomping it to death.
A generic healing potion appears in FeeTwix’s hand. “That was some fight, everybody! I’m so glad you could all join us!” he tells his legion of followers. “And I’ll see some of you at the concert later. Get ready for DJ Ride the Lightning!”
“I got a level up,” Zaena announces. “Anyone else?”
Ryuk shakes his head as he walks over to FeeTwix and Zaena. He crouches near them and starts reloading one of his magazines.
“I was just trying to check it for loot,” Hiccup mumbles as he kicks bits of the dead worm away. “But fick that. I’m not putting my hand back in there, hell, this isn’t even my hand.” He says, reminding FeeTwix of his mechanical appendage. “But you get the point. Where’d that towel you had earlier go?”
“Here’s another,” FeeTwix says. “A fan transferred a fickton to me. Did I do that right?”
“Fickton, yup,” the goblin says as he towels himself off. “Hey! This is moist, which just happens to be my favorite adjective.”
“It’s an extra-large moist towelette for cleaning up after battle, among other things,” the Swede says, winking at Zaena.
If the Thulean gets his innuendo, she doesn’t let on. Instead, she flicks the blood off her sword, turns to the next chamber, and asks over her shoulder, “Are we resting here, or are we getting through these damn catacombs?”
“I’m with Liz. The sooner we’re out of here, the better!”
Chapter 21: Warm Hands
Kodai keeps his eyes trained on the seat in front of him. He suddenly craves his favorite whiskey, that or pollutes, anything to decompress after dealing with his overbearing mother.
The bitch.
Why she always has to push buttons he didn’t know he has is beyond him. It’s like she’s testing me, he thinks. She wants me to go off the handle, like Ryuk. But why?
Well, at least his brother will have some shit to deal with soon enough that will stop him from getting any closer to the truth.
He smiles.
At least that’s how the woman behind the golden door put it. She told Kodai what she’d give him if they were able to pull it off and he’s not one to turn down unlimited power, as she said.
“That’s the first smile you’ve had since we left your apartment,” Tesla says, the humandroid’s features outlined by the bright winter sun. Kodai reaches into his jacket pocket and places a pair of Tom Browne sunglasses on.
“What are your thoughts on Hajime?” he asks as the self-driving Uberyota slows, waits for an opening in a higher airlane, and ramps up its speed almost immediately. The vehicle curves around an oddly shaped SoftBank building, under a sky pass filled with pedestrians.
From there it hugs a Nomura building, and as it passes, Kodai briefly sees the employees inside, sitting at their desks and working obediently.
The sedentary life.
“Hajime is powerful,” she says, “but he is an older model.”