Spew Gorge charges, and the two solid slabs of grade D goblin meat collide.
They bite, they pinch, they scratch, they scrape, they scream like sissies, they seethe, they claw at each other's eyes as they roll around, kicking up dirt and debris, knocking over anything they happen to roll into.
-49 HP!
Using the goblin melee as a distraction, Ryuk cuts the female Mind Mage down with a black marble. She crawls towards a stack of barrels as magic ripples up and down her arms. Before Ryuk can ignite the crates, a giant brawler made of smoke hops out onto the cobblestone street. He flexes, drops to a runner’s stance, and takes off.
Shit! Ryuk hightails it, knowing full well that he won’t be able to go toe-to-toe with the Mind Mage’s magic. He skids to a halt and crouches behind a barrel.
The clink and clank of swords meet his ears as Zaena takes on the Dark Elf Warrior. A quick glance to the northeast and Ryuk sees that the warrior elf has conjured a large purple sword rimmed with bubbling energy. Zaena holds her own, spinning and slicing, the dim lights of the city reflecting off her shiny blades.
He turns his marble gun on the smoky brawler and the whispery behemoth made from gray and black tendrils of oily smoke disappears completely.
Ryuk turns left, right – nothing.
All he can see now is Zaena battling the elf while Hiccup and Spew Gorge continue their violent family reunion.
KO! -100 HP!
Ryuk’s vision is suddenly waxy.
He knows he’s hit the ground; he can see the towering brawler made of smoke looming over him.
He tries to go for his gun but the Mind Mage’s combatant knocks it out of his hand. The smoky brawler brings his foot down on Ryuk’s Dream Armor. -38 HP! Even with the stars and galaxies twirling around his head, Ryuk manages to bring his knees to his chest to protect himself from the next kick.
-17 HP!
“Damn!” Ryuk jams his fingers into his clear marble pouch and manages to avoid the next kick by rolling away.
As the smoky brawler lifts his leg back to give him a football punt to the noggin, Ryuk stuffs the marble in his mouth and spits it at the brawler.
Dispel magic! he thinks, and sure enough, the smoky brawler flashes white and disappears.
Skill level up!
Skilclass="underline" A Simple Request
Level Four: 1 in 6.25 chance of a request being granted.
Caveat: Only works with a clear marble.
Requirements: LUCK > 9
LUCK +2!
New skill learned!
Skilclass="underline" Spit Fire
Level One: Stuff a marble in your mouth and spit it at an enemy. Higher levels allow for more control and sustained magical abilities.
Requirements: LUCK > 5
My gun … Ryuk’s head darts left and right.
He spots his gun near a doorstep, and whoof!, the wind is knocked out of him as Hiccup’s thick and sweaty body lands on top of him. Like clockwork, the hit knocks loose a dragon wing-seasoned ruckus from the goblin’s derriere that adds olfactory insult to injury.
“Baka!” Ryuk pushes Hiccup off him and stands. “You stinky little fucker!”
“What!? It knocked the fickin’ wind out of me! Ha! That’s the best one liner I’ve come up with yet! Wait, what the hell did you just call me!?”
Once he’s a few feet away from the gaseous goblin, Ryuk goes for his marble gun only to be trapped by a circle of yellow fire.
Damare! That damn Mind Mage! He turns to the spell-casting woman, who continues to stroke her fingers in the air, increasing the height of the yellow flames that now surround him.
“I’ve got this,” he whispers to himself. He closes his eyes, completely ignoring the heat and the fact that the flames seem to be closing in. His Extreme Focus creates a reticle on the mage and after he’s locked on, up comes his slingshot.
Ryuk zips a molten marble at the female mage.
-100 HP! Critical hit! The woman screams as her flesh and clothing sizzle off her body. She tries the ‘stop, drop and roll’ method to no avail. It doesn’t take long for her to curl up and die a fiery, toasty death.
Level up!
Ryuk Matsuzaki Level 14 Ballistics Mage
HP: 223/413
ATK: 93
MATK: 120
DEF: 71
MDF: 47
LUCK: 12
Hiccup and Spew Gorge stop their fight for a moment to sniff the air. Hiccup licks his lips. “Nothing like a good charred Mage, eh, Spewy?”
Spew Gorge licks his lips as well. “It’s been awhile since I had charred Mage.”
The two lock eyes and Spew Gorge’s eyes narrow on his older cousin.
“Fight or feast?” Hiccup asks. “I’m down for either.”
“Bring it on, you fat fick!” He taps his mallet against the side of his leg. “And if anyone hasn’t told you already, your stupid pink hair makes you look like just about the biggest fickin’ poofter this side of the Empress’s fat ass!”
Hiccup spits blood, wipes his mouth with his mechanical arm, and equips his toe knife. “You’re going to regret that!” he snarls.
Instakill!
The hilt of a sword marble appears on Spew Gorge’s forehead and he falls backwards.
“That … Hey!” Hiccup turns to Ryuk and shakes his fist. “I was going to kill the ficker!”
“There are more battles to come. Let’s end this.” Ryuk lowers his slingshot and steps over what’s left of the Mage’s burning ring of fire to retrieve his marble gun.
“Aye!” Zaena drops as the Dark Elf Warrior’s flaming blade connects with one of her ghost limbs.
“Cover me, Marbles!”
Hiccup’s biggest scutum appears in his hands.
The gnarliest goblin this side of Athos takes off as Ryuk’s explosive marbles kick up debris and confusion.
This gives Zaena the time she needs to dip away, and Hiccup the cover he needs to launch himself like a sack of potatoes at the Dark Elf Warrior, knock the big bastard down, and proceed to pound the living shit out of the downed warrior with the bottom of his shield. The crunching sound that follows makes Ryuk cringe.
-86 HP! -75 HP! -30 HP! -9 HP!
Instakill!
“Fick yeah! I got a level up!” The goblin’s shield disappears and he drops to his haunches, checking the Dark Elf for loot. “Make it rain, baby, make it rain.” He finds a small satchel and tears it open. “Only one hundred?” He kicks the elf in the face. “I’ll check the others.”
Zaena approaches Ryuk with a slight limp to her step. “He was strong,” she finally says, leveling her orange eyes at him, “but you two didn’t need to help. I was close to finishing him.”
Thuleans and their pride, he thinks as he takes in Zaena, who is slightly out of breath.
“Ha! Like fick you were, Liz!” Hiccup makes his way to his cousin’s dead body. “Don’t you know the Thulean word for thank you?”