"Seriously. Jay’s, like, a computer genius."
Jay glanced at Doug and connected a hard drive to Cat’s laptop.
"What’s that for?" asked Cat.
"I’m going to drag all your files over here," Jay answered. "I won’t keep them or anything. I’ll delete them after we’re done."
"You better. I got tons of lesbian porn on there."
Jay flinched. Cat laughed.
"Kidding."
"So. Speaking of lesbians," said Doug.
It was a spectacular segue. It exploded and then lay there like a pile of dead clowns.
"Wow," said Cat.
"I mean…I just…I was thinking about what you said about Ophelia."
"I only said it because you asked," Cat insisted. "I probably shouldn’t have. Don’t spread it around, okay? She should get to decide who knows and who doesn’t. If she even is gay."
"I think she is brave," said Sejal. "If she is a homosexual. It is not always easy, no? Even in America?"
"Are there gay people in India?" asked Doug.
Sejal shrugged. "There are a billion people there, so…"
So maybe Sejal hadn’t been offended the other night after all. Or if she had been, she’d gotten over it pretty quick. Doug, for his part, didn’t think he really had much of an opinion about gay people. He didn’t know any. Except maybe Ophelia, now. If anything, he was possibly a little sick of them. They were always popping up in shows and movies and in the books he read. They used to be comic relief, but at some point it was like you weren’t allowed to laugh anymore, and the gay characters were Very Serious. Their whole character would be about them being gay, and how serious and unfunny and also completely normal it was. In each new book, especially, there seemed to be one or two. Like the author wanted to prove what an open-minded, big-tent guy he was.
And, because he was thinking about books, and because the room had been filling with a cold silence and someone had to jump in, he said, "What do you guys like to read?"
"Kelly Link kicks ass," said Cat. "I read a lot of comics."
"Mmm…" said Sejal. "I am trying to think of someone I’ve read of whom you would have heard. Do you know Feluda? No? Jhumpa Lahiri?" she ventured, to dead stares. "Zadie Smith? Nick Hornby?"
"That last one sounds familiar," said Doug. "I think I’ve heard of Feluda, but I can’t remember what she writes."
"She is a he. And he’s a fictional character, not the author."
"What kind of comics do you read?" Jay asked Cat.
"Um…I like Meat Cake and this one graphic novel called Ghost World. And a lot of Vertigo stuff. Especially Sandman, but of course that’s not a series anymore."
"Yeah, I liked Sandman," said Jay. "I have a few collections of it. Now that guy writes movies and books and things."
"Cat is having me read it right now," said Sejal. "I like it okay so far."
"It gets better, I swear," said Cat.
"It’s gets better for a while, but…" said Doug, "Neil Gaiman doesn’t know how to end things, you know? He builds everything up to this huge battle in Dreamland and then, poof, it doesn’t happen."
"Um, spoiler alert," said Jay.
"It doesn’t happen because a big battle would have been juvenile," said Cat. "It — Sejal, cover your ears and hum for a bit unless you want the ending ruined."
Sejal covered her ears and sang something Indian with lots of syllables.
"Okay," said Cat, but she couldn’t continue without laughing. Sejal laughed back but didn’t stop singing. "Okay. The Sandman doesn’t fight because he’s ready to die. The mess he gets himself into is actually this huge plan he’s been setting up for centuries without even realizing it."
"I know," said Doug. "I know. Because he’s depressed, and he doesn’t want to be the Dream King anymore, but he doesn’t have the guts to just off himself."
"He feels too responsible for his kingdom," said Cat, her voice getting sharp. "So he has this…secret plan to remove himself and be replaced with someone better, but the only way he can do it is to…not even let himself know he’s doing it and…I’m not explaining it well."
"Because it’s dumb," said Doug.
"It’s about him realizing he’s not a good person," Jay mumbled. "He knows deep down he should change, but he’s too proud to admit he was ever wrong."
"Yeah," said Cat, and she smiled at Jay.
After a moment she threw a pillow at Sejal, and Sejal stopped singing.
"What was that?"
"Jana Gana Mana," said Sejal. "It’s the Indian National Anthem."
"You guys are probably right," said Doug. He got down on the floor with Sejal. "Jay’s always right about this kind of thing."
Cat put some music on. "I promised pizza," she said. "Is Agostino’s okay?"
"You don’t have to do that," said Jay.
"Whatever, I’m doing it." She checked her phone. "I’ll be right back, I’m not getting any bars in here. Sejal, come with me."
Sejal and Cat walked back down the hall, followed by the dog. After the front door opened and shut, Jay rounded on Doug.
"Don’t you think you’re…I appreciate it and all, but don’t you think you’re laying it on a bit thick?"
"What are you talking about?"
"All your flattery. It sounds fake."
"God, there’s no pleasing you," said Doug. He’d actually been enjoying it, being so complimentary. He’d noticed there was a way you could do it that made you look even better than the person you were complimenting. But it kind of ruined things if the subject of your praise was going to be all ungrateful about it.
"Just act normal," said Jay. "Except don’t make fun of me as much. That’s all."
"Well…you act normal. Except not so retarded. Then there won’t be anything to make fun of. And you’re acting totally weird, too."
Jay frowned. "No, I’m not."
"You are. You’re all, ‘I like Sandman, too, Cat. We have so much in common. Watch me code on your computer with my dick.’"
"Shut up."
"Screw this," said Doug, and he shuffled out to the front door. Cat and Sejal were coming back in as he reached for the knob.
"Oh! Hey," said Cat. "They’re really backed up because of Labor Day. So the pizza won’t be here for an hour."
Doug looked at his watch. "I have to leave in an hour. To see this…mentor guy by Clark Park I’ve been seeing."
"Mentor?" said Sejal.
"Uh, yeah, he’s like a career counselor. You know. Helping me figure out what to do with my future."
Cat announced that she was going to see how her computer was coming along, and left the two of them alone in the hall. Now the stale house air seemed to crackle and bloom. He wanted to seize Sejal and hold her close. He wanted to shrink her down and carry her around in his tiny pockets.
"Maybe I should blow off my appointment," he said. He couldn’t remember how to stand. What did he usually do with his hands? "The company is better here."
Sejal was looking at a potpourri arrangement on the side table. "Your future is important," she said.
22
Origin stories
YOUR FUTURE is important, Doug thought as he biked the last few blocks to Stephin’s house. What did that mean? Important because she wants to be a part of it? He wondered if it was possible he was going to marry Sejal. He pictured the ceremony: huge families, lots of pink and red and orange, flowers everywhere, molting flakes of gold. Sejal with painted hands, in some complicated outfit, wrapped up like a present. Doug with a big mustache for some reason.