“All right,” she said again, trying to speak more quickly. “I accept your explanation. I accept”- she gestured around at the ur-viles and Waynhim- “all of them. You’re trying to help me, even though I don’t understand it. But I still need answers.
“You said that there’s a shadow on the hearts of the Elohim. What does that mean?” She meant, What does Kastenessen have to do with Covenant and my son? But Esmer had already evaded that question. “Why didn’t they stop Kastenessen from breaking free?’
Esmer groaned as if she endangered his sanity. Gritting his teeth, he said, “The Elohim believe that they are equal to all things. This is false. Were it true, the Earth entire would exist in their image, and they would have no need to fear the rousing of the Worm of the World’s End. Nonetheless they persist in their belief. That is shadow enough to darken the heart of any being.
“They did not act to preserve Kastenessen’s Durance because they saw no need. Are you not the Wildwielder? And have you not returned to the Land? The skurj are mindless beasts, ravaging to feed. Kastenessen’s will rules them, but they cannot harm the Elohim. And you will oppose both Kastenessen and his monsters. What then remains to cause the Elohim concern? They have done that which they deem needful. They have forewarned the people of the Land, speaking often of the peril of the halfhand when the Haruchai have effaced any other knowledge or defence. Their Wurd requires nothing more. While you endure, they fear no other threat.” Linden flinched. She should have been prepared for Esmer’s assertion. Since their first meeting millennia ago, the Elohim had distrusted and disdained Thomas Covenant. They had been convinced even then that she, not Covenant, should be the one to hold and use white gold. And later, just a few days ago, Esmer had said, You have become the Wildwielder, as the Elohim knew that you must.
Nevertheless he filled her with dismay.
“Wait a minute,” she protested. “You have to tell me. What’s “the peril of the halfhand”? You can’t mean the Humbled. They don’t have any power-and they don’t want to threaten the Land. And you can’t mean my son. That poor boy has been Lord Foul’s prisoner ever since he came here. He doesn’t have a ring, or a staff, or lore.” He retained only his racecar, pitiable and useless. “He has power now, but he must be getting it from someone else.
“No.” She shook her head in denial. “You’re talking about Thomas Covenant. But how is he dangerous? My God, Esmer, he’s already saved the Land twice. And he’s probably been holding the Arch of Time together ever since Joan started her caesures. Why do the Elohim think that anybody has to Beware the halfhand?” “Wildwielder.” Esmer seemed to throw up his hands in disgust or apprehension. “Always you persist in questions which require no response, or which serve no purpose, or which will cause my destruction. You waste my assistance, when any attempt at aid or guidance is cruel to me. Do you mean to demand the entire knowledge of the Earth, while the Land itself is brought to ruin, and Time with it?’
“It’s not that simple!” she snapped urgently. “Practically everything is being hidden from me,” and not only by Cail’s son. “When I do learn something, it isn’t relevant to my problems. Even with the Staff, I might as well be blind.
“You’ve at least got eyes. You see things that I can’t live without. You’re in my debt. You said so. Maybe that’s why these ur-viles and Waynhim are here. Maybe it isn’t. But if I’m asking the wrong questions, whose fault is that? I’ve got nothing but questions. How am I supposed to know which are the right ones? How can I help wasting you when you won’t tell me what I need to know?” Esmer’s sudden anguish was so acute that it seemed to splash against her skin like spray; and the doleful green of his gaze cried out to her. In response, her stomach twisted as though she had swallowed poison. Another mutter arose from the watching creatures, a sound as sharp as fangs. The air felt too thick to breathe: she had difficulty drawing it into her lungs.
As if the words were being wrung from him by the combined insistence of the Waynhim and ur-viles, he hissed, “You must be the first to drink of the EarthBlood.” For a moment longer, he remained in front of her, letting her see that his distress was as poignant as a wail. Then he left.
She did not see him vanish. Instead he seemed to sink back like a receding wave until he was gone as if he had never been there at all, leaving her with the fate of the Land on her shoulders and too little strength to carry it alone.
The abrupt cessation of her nausea gave her no relief at all.
Chapter Three: Love and Strangers
Linden hardly saw the ur-viles and Waynhim disperse, withdrawing apparently at random across the hillsides. With Esmer gone, they seemed to have no further purpose. They kept their distance from Glimmermere. And none of them headed toward Revelstone. As they drifted away, small clusters of Waynhim followed larger groups of ur-viles, or chose directions of their own. Soon they were gone, abandoning her to her dilemmas.
You must be the first to drink of the EarthBlood.
In the west, a storm-front continued to accumulate behind the majesty of the mountains. Leery of being scourged by winds and rain and hostility, she peered for a moment at the high threat of the thunderheads, the clouds streaming past the jagged peaks. But she saw nothing unnatural there: no malice, no desire for pain. The harm which had harried her return to the Verge of Wandering-malevolence that she now believed had arisen from Kastenessen’s frustration and power-was entirely absent. When this storm broke over the plateau, it would bring only torrents, the necessary vehemence of the living world. And when it passed, it would leave lucent and enriched the grass-clad hillsides, the feather-leaved swaths of mimosa, the tall stands of cedar and pine.
Aching, she wished that she could find ease in such things. But Thomas Covenant and Jeremiah had refused to let her touch them; and Esmer had foiled her efforts to find out what was wrong with them. Her fear that they had been herded toward her remained unresolved.
Covenant had claimed responsibility for that feat-but how could she know whether his assertions were even possible? How did his place in the Arch of Time enable him to violate time’s most fundamental strictures? Had he indeed become a being of pure paradox, as capable of saving or damning the Earth as white gold itself?
And Jeremiah had not simply recovered his mind: he appeared to have acquired the knowledge and understanding of a fifteen-year-old boy, even though he had been effectively absent from himself for ten of those years. That should have been enough for her. It was more, far more, than she could have hoped for if she had rescued him with her own strength and determination; her own love.
But he and Covenant had denied her. Her son had gained power-and had used it to repel her. They kept their distance even though every particle of her heart and soul craved to hold them in her arms and never let them go. And they claimed that they had good reason for doing so. Instead of relief, joy, or desire-the food for which her soul hungered-she felt only an unutterable loss.