The sterile smell and cool air of the hospital greeted me as the automatic doors opened, and I strode through with purpose. By the time I had reached his room, the muscles and veins in my hands and arms were straining from my too tight fists. I stood at the door, listening for what felt like hours, but mere seconds had passed.
Quit being a fucking coward.
I steeled my jaw, pushed through the door, and stopped short at the sight of him sleeping. I gritted my teeth at the sight of his frailty. He looked so still and lifeless and every bit like the hell he’d just been through. It made me want to rip out the useless lump Mitch called a heart. But then… who was I to talk, right? I stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. There wasn’t any sign of John, but I wasn’t too surprised. The man was barely a father so it was just as well he wasn’t there.
I crossed the room to sit in one of the ugly burgundy chairs and got comfortable. The least I could do was to wait for him to wake. As I sat there, my mind drifted back to Monroe. It was never hard to do because she was always there on the surface. I was supposed to stay away from her yet somehow, I knew I never would. She’s different. Different in a way I didn’t expect, but she was still my Monroe. Beautifully submissive although a little too weak. A smile spread on my lips when I thought of the ways her weakness benefitted me in the past. Those six weeks being my favorite. Whatever I had expected to gain out of taking her body, her passion wasn’t one of them. Never did I miss the way her eyes would light up when I issued a command, or the way her pussy gripped and flooded my dick when I took her hard.
She hated that she wanted me.
At least we have that in common.
Sometimes I believed I was as much her sexual prisoner as she was mine. Those would be the times I took her the hardest and unleashed my cruelty on her. It would excite her, no matter how much she cried and bitched about it. But it also confused her.
The occasional soft touch and whispered word and random acts of kindness. It was when I was the most sadistic, and she didn’t even know it. I manipulated her and bent her to my will without having to lift a finger.
If I were capable of feeling any type of remorse, I might have felt bad about it, but then it became necessary when she and that fucktard, Fitzgerald, started to dig into my past.
She actually admitted to wanting to use my past against me as revenge. It was the moment I started to actually respect her and isn’t that screwed up or what? Respect or not, she was playing a game I would never let her win.
When I started out, I had one purpose in mind and it was to break her, but at some point, my mission became fuddled and I didn’t know what I was after anymore. I just knew I wanted her, and when I started to want to keep her, I knew I was fucked.
I started to hatch ideas on how to distance myself away from my obsession when the door opened. I reached for the gun at my waist immediately before remembering I was in a fucking hospital.
Get a grip, man.
I wasn’t in the habit of carrying it around until Mitch showed up, and Anya and Trevor were murdered. Of course, everyone thinks I killed them. Even Dash thinks so, but I can tell he tries to hide it.
My uncle walked in, and his eyes immediately landed on me. He stood there while we stared each other down, neither one giving in. My uncle and I never saw eye to eye. I hated him from the start and he avoided me. I guess I would avoid the son of the mother you convinced to leave behind. The beginnings of a smirk pulled at my lips when guilt started to show in his eyes right before he looked away and cleared his throat. I didn’t even know why he bothered anymore.
“Has he woke up?” he asked without taking his eyes off the floor.
“No.”
He released a heavy breath and shut the door before moving toward the other chair. Silence filled the room, creating a stiff atmosphere. I stared at the wall ahead, but my attention was fully focused on my uncle as he stared at his son lying in the hospital bed.
“You know I, uh—” He cleared his throat and leaned forward in his chair. I could see him staring at me now through my peripheral. “I never got the chance to thank you.”
“For what?” I asked a little harsher than necessary.
“For saving my kid’s life. I… I know what the doctors might say about him being my son—”
“He’s your son,” I affirmed. “He doesn’t deserve to have someone like Mitch being his father.”
“I haven’t been the best father either. To either of you.”
“I’m not your son.”
“Yes, you are, Keiran. In the only way that counts.”
“Is that why you made Sophia forget I existed?”
“It’s not that simple. At the time, I thought it was the best thing to do to protect the family I still had. I screwed up. Bad. It’s something I live with everyday, and I’m reminded of it every time I look into your eyes because I know what you could have become and what you almost became.”
“You’re wrong. There’s no almost about it. I did become, and it’s staring you right in your face. You’re fucked if you don’t see it.”
“I’m sure you survived something far worse than I would wish on my worst enemy, but you are not beyond saving. You are your own worst enemy now, but I love you despite it.”
“I’ve seen what your love does. No thanks.”
“But you have it anyway. You have it from me, your brother… because he is your brother,” he emphasized when I made an attempt to interrupt him. “You have it from Dash and that girl… the one with the weird eyes.”
“What the fuck do you think you know about her?” My body tightened in defense mode, and I had to tell myself to pipe down. I wasn’t supposed to care.
“Not much. But I see what you refuse to, and I know you will find some way to screw that up because you think it would be better for her. You don’t do that if you don’t care.”
“So maybe I keep her.” I felt my lip curl and eyes burn as I glared at him. “That would suit me best, and I could fuck her over along the way. At least then I could keep my personality.”
“I won’t let you hurt that girl anymore. Sheldon told me what happened, and what you did. I know she was there the night Keenan was shot. What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking I could get my revenge and my rocks off at the same time. I mean… why not, right?”
He looked away from me to stare out the window.
“I guess I can’t blame you. Part of this is my fault.”
“You think?”
I half expected him to lash or demand respect or whatever it is that parents do, but he didn’t. He sat back with a shake of his head and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. I fixed my gaze on Keenan. My cousin, brother, best friend, and the first person who actually gave a fuck about me. I know it may look as if I was the one to give him a chance ten years ago, but it was he who gave me a chance, and I corrupted him.
John spun a tale of how Sophia ran off because she couldn’t handle the pressure of having a kid, and I helped him. It was a seriously fucked thing to do, but at the time, there weren’t two people who hated her more. John, for his reasons and me, for mine. I think he even regrets loving her.
“You did the right thing, you know.”
“What’s that?” I asked without taking my eyes off Keenan. Wake up, man.
“Not telling him the truth about your mother and my part in your disappearance. Thank you.”
“You know the corny line people always hear in movies? I never thought I would use it, but… yeah. I didn’t do it for you.”
“Nonetheless—”
“Do you think we made it any better? Telling him his mother was a selfish whore who couldn’t keep her legs closed and didn’t have the maternal instincts of a goat?”
“Watch your mouth,” he barked.
“Oh, that’s right. We don’t tell the truth in this family. We throw money around to cover up our bullshit and step on anyone who gets in the way. You did a fine job of raising us. No wonder our family is dying out. Who would want to be born into a scumbag family like this?”
“Keiran, I’m warning you…”
“At least, I know early on. I guess you can say marriage is out. I sure as fuck ain’t giving some unlucky bitch my seed so she can sprout more evil spawns just like me. I’m cruel, but I’m not that cruel. I guess that’s more than I can say for you and my pussy ass father.”