The final blow to my heart was exacting. I stumbled back while he continued to assault me with his icy stare. I looked for a break in his demeanor or a sign that this might be a ruse after all, but none came.
“You sorry son of a bitch!” Willow growled. She started forward, but Dash quickly grabbed her up in a desperate attempt to restrain her.
“You don’t ever disappoint, do you?” Sheldon sneered with hatred spewing from her gaze.
He didn’t flinch. Not even a flicker of acknowledgment or remorse.
When he lifted his chin and indicated for me to leave, I finally found my voice.
“I spent my whole life afraid of you. You were the monster under the bed and the devil who stole my soul.”
Everyone was silent as all eyes remained on us.
They would all know. They would all see.
Don’t think. Just feel.
“From the moment I met you, you did everything you could to hurt me. You pushed me, you ridiculed me, you isolated me. You used me to fight a ghost instead of fighting your demons like a coward.”
I balled my fists at my side in anger. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to see what it felt like to be hurt by someone who counted.
“You’re weak, Keiran. And now you’re the one who is afraid.”
Breathe.
“We have history. A tragic love story that should never have began. But it did. And it started the summer I lost my parents, and then I found you instead. For ten years, I told myself they abandoned me. Deep down, I knew they were dead, but it all still felt the same. And I hated them for it.”
Breathe.
“I guess that’s something we have in common. We both learned how to hate before we knew how to love.”
My eyes were glued to his although my vision had long since blurred as I allowed my tears to fall freely.
I can do this.
I repeated it to myself, but it became harder and harder to speak.
“You aren’t the guy you think you are. You are so much worse. To make me fall in love with you and then run away—” I took another deep breath. “You wanted to destroy me, Keiran… Well, you have. You broke me just like they broke you.”
I turned my back on him for the last time and took a deep breath. “I heard you… before you left. I heard you, and now I see that you were right. You don’t deserve to love me.”
I walked out on the last person I would ever risk losing.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Keiran
“You’re about as stupid as they come,” John scolded as soon as the door closed. Willow and Sheldon had already run after Lake. The Chambers chose to wait outside but not before shooting me a disapproving look.
I sunk down in the bed to sulk. “I’m not in the mood. You guys should leave, too.”
“Or what? You’ll break our hearts, too?”
I rolled out of the hospital bed holding my chest. Luckily, the man who shot favored his aim to the right of my heart, but the steady throbbing came from my left and had nothing to do with the wound.
“What’s wrong?” Dash asked. “Is it your wound?”
“It’s all my wounds, man.”
For once, the two of them decided to shut the fuck up. I sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the railing to keep from running after her.
When I woke up and saw her lying there sleeping peacefully, all I could bring myself to feel was relief that she wasn’t hurt. She clung to me in her sleep as if she needed me. I was content to just sit and watch her sleep, but I needed to know she was safe.
I called Quentin, who had been waiting outside. As it turns out, he was the one to kill the man who shot me while Dash pulled Lake to safety, both risking their own lives and their freedom for her… and for me.
They had been there the entire time waiting in the sound room and recording every moment of the meeting. I hadn’t gathered all the evidence I had wanted, but there was enough to put them both away for a long time.
The only hiccup was that Arthur was never meant to walk out of the gymnasium alive. He was too connected, and in a matter of days, he would be out of jail and free to come after us. Mario was supposed to kill Arthur and to be caught red-handed. The plan was doomed to fail from the start, but it was the only option. I was supposed to be the only one at risk. After planning everything out, I gave Quentin and Dash the strict instructions to keep filming. No matter what happened, I was not to be saved.
It all changed when Lake was brought in. My only mission became to save her. I wanted to be the very person I grew up hating. I wanted to be her hero.
A lot of fucking good that did me.
I managed to keep her from harm only to hurt her again, but after finding out from Quentin that Arthur was still alive, I was left with no choice. The further I stayed away from her, the safer she’d be. I would protect her from a distance.
Quentin tried to talk me out of it by pointing out that Lake was taken by Arthur when she had shown up at my house looking for me. Arthur had stopped by looking for a sign that I was setting him up. When she stumbled across them, he decided to take her as collateral instead. John had already been at the hospital with Keenan.
The decision to leave her alone wasn’t easy. In a small space of time, I searched for another way to be with her and to keep her safe but came up short.
Who the fuck was I kidding anyway? Marriage, children, and Sunday morning pancakes weren’t in the cards for me. Eventually, she would want more, and I would once again become the monster that tormented her in high school when I realized I was unable to give her what she needed.
She didn’t need me.
She needed security and someone good.
I gave up on being good a long time ago.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Dash asked, repeating the question Quentin had asked. I looked up realizing I’d forgotten they were in the room.
“I’m more than sure, and even if I wasn’t, it’s too late.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because I know hate when I see it.”
It was the only thing left in her eyes for me when she walked out.
* * *
The detectives finally showed up later that day to begin their interrogation. At the end of it, I wasn’t being handcuffed to the bed, but I was warned they would keep in touch. Dash managed to get them the video of Mario confessing to killing Anya, Trevor, and Lake’s parents, and then Arthur killing Mario’s men. It all looked like a chance meeting that happened while taping my skills for basketball scouts, instead of intentionally setting anyone up to be murdered.
After the detectives had left, I worked up the courage to visit Keenan, but when I got to his room, I was surprised by the sight of Sheldon at his bedside.
Keenan was asleep, and from the way Sheldon held herself, I could tell she had no intention of waking him. I watched her silently cry over him for long moments before she finally noticed me.
“Dash said they had to give him medication for the pain.”
I nodded my head and watched her fall apart. I envied her ability to cry. To openly shed her sorrow, her pain, her fears. I don’t remember ever being able to cry. Not even for my brother, who was dying because of me.
“He’s…d—dying.”
“I know.” My plan to secure a lung for Keenan had failed, and I would live with the guilt and failure long after he was gone.
“You know?” Her eyes turned cold as she glared at me. “Then why don’t you do something?”
“I tried, Sheldon. I thought—”
“But you didn’t think! You always did what you wanted to do because you were the big, bad, Keiran Masters. All he ever wanted was to love you, and you couldn’t even show him just a little affection. His parents didn’t care enough to just be there. And with you, he thought he had a chance, but you just wouldn’t—” Her voice caught, and I could see her tremble from across the room as she hung her head. When she finally met my eyes again, they were full of hatred. “It should have been you.”