“I’ve been attacked.”
He leaned into her and shouted in her face, “Get in front of the barrier.”
She was in front of him and moving in the direction he had asked her to go when he quite unnecessarily shook her, making her topple to the side on her bad knee. He was smiling. Paddy backed off towards the frightened mob, skirting the metal barriers and heading away from the front line. She was right to get away. By the time she reached the corner of the square and looked back, it was a riot. A section of the march had burst its banks, and everyone was running from something. Hooves clattered on the tarmac, and Paddy saw waves of people, terrified and hanging on to one another, dragging friends away by their jackets and coats, holding arms over their heads for protection. Policemen billowed around the corner, batons raised at the people running away, hitting and dragging them backwards into the panic. She backed off, limping up the road, heading towards the office. She could phone home from there at least, tell her mum she had been attacked, and ask her to come and get her. She could call the police as well and get some of the old geezers to sit with her until someone came to help her.
The rain had slowed to drizzle as she circled back towards the office, coming at it from the unlit back of the car park. Ahead of her she could see that the canteen was dark and the newsroom lights were only on at one side of the room. The brightest of the beacon lights were outside the Press Bar. A guy in a sports jacket and slacks came out the door and paused to look up at the unfriendly sky. He could have been any one of the ugly, ridiculous men, but she’d never been more pleased to see anyone. He wrinkled his nose at the threatening sky, carefully checked the change in his pocket, and turned back, going inside for just one more, until the cold rain went off a little more.
Paddy limped after him, smiling as she stepped onto the dirt edge of the car park. Her knee was burning, not just the skin now but the bones. She stopped. She was suddenly cold, subconsciously aware of a blackness, a shape in a space that was rarely filled. The grocery van was parked in the dark far corner of the car park, all its lights off.
She backed off into shadow and looked. He was sitting back in the cab, his face in shadow, his arms crossed, watching the front of the building. He knew where she worked.
II
Paddy saw the white Volkswagen parked outside and knew Terry was in his flat. The knowledge that she was about to see a friendly face made her cry as she limped hurriedly past the third floor. When Terry opened the door her dignity crumpled and she stood, hands limp by her side, sobbing with fright.
He gave her a warm sweater to put on and a dry towel for her hair. He pulled off her boots and tights, cleaned the dirt out of her cut knee with a warm flannel, and made her a cup of black tea. It had to be tea because his flatmates had taken to locking their coffee away in their rooms and he’d forgotten to steal any from work. He packed her boots with newspaper to soak up the worst of the rain, sat down close to her on the side of the bed, then put on both bars of the electric fire to heat her up. He gave her some dry bread to eat from his suitcase table. The bread filled a hole but, through some forgotten accident of proximity, tasted faintly of fish.
Instead of braving a city-center police station on this evening of evenings, they decided to phone and tell them about Naismith, but the pay phone in the hall wasn’t working, and the public box six floors down was broken too. They decided to go and see Tracy Dempsie, to ask if the grocery van had been anywhere near her house when Thomas had disappeared, but they didn’t do anything about that either. They decided to write a long article about Thomas Dempsie, but stayed sitting on the side of Terry’s bed, sipping black tea, Paddy’s damp thigh pressed against his.
Terry put the black-and-white portable on, and they watched the news. A red-faced presenter announced the headlines, and the march only made the fifth item. A hundred and fifty protesters had been arrested after trouble broke out in Glasgow during a pro-IRA march; police suspected the involvement of organized groups. There was no mention of the hunger strikes, no mention of the mounted policemen hemming the crowd in. Even the local news brushed over it, showing footage of a very drunk man crumpled in a doorway while a pair of police horses walked calmly past the camera, the officers smiling down at the public they were there to serve.
“Truth’s a rare commodity these days,” said Terry, his knee pressing sharply against her thigh.
“It’s justice that’s rare,” said Paddy. “Truth’s relative.”
They were sitting, pretending to look at a scar on his hand, when Terry suggested lying down. Paddy had guessed what he was going to say and got nervous, interrupting him to point to a pile of car magazines and say something sarcastic about them. She had to wait for another ten minutes of irrelevant small talk before he suggested it again.
They lay on their sides facing each other because the bed was too small to do otherwise. Paddy gathered her hands in front of her chest defensively, and Terry lay with his head propped on one arm, the other resting along the line of his body.
‘Hello, Mary Magdalene,” he said softly.
She cringed at the cheesiness of his approach and raised her hand, waving as if to someone twenty feet away. “Hiya!” she shouted. “Hiya, how’re ye?”
She saw a flash of annoyance on his face, and his hand shot forward, holding the waving hand by the wrist, pulling it down to the bed. She suddenly saw herself, lying on a stranger’s grubby bed without her ring. She rolled forward and kissed Terry on the lips, not unguarded and provoking like she would have been with Sean, but explorative, a careful taste of him. He held her wrist tight as he returned the kiss, his mouth pressing hard, graceless somehow, grazing his lip along the sharp edge of her teeth. He let go of her arm and his hand hovered above her. It landed softly on her hip, too low to be innocent. The heat from his palm swept through her, warming her chest and neck and gut. She kissed him again, touching him, putting her hand under his T-shirt, feeling skin and hair and smelling him around her in a cloud.
He was tugging her sweater over her head when she thought of Sean sitting on the back step to her mother’s kitchen. She thought of him looking down their garden to the lonely, windswept tree. She saw his hand land gently on hers. The skin on his knuckles was perfectly smooth, that’s how young he was.
Terry’s damp fingers scumbled across the skin on her bare stomach. Her rolls of fat seemed to multiply under his hand. He asked her what she liked, and she said everything was great, lovely, just there, yeah, but she felt nothing but the facts of their movement, the scratching blanket, the fingers hooked inside her. He lay on top of her, leaving a trail of cooling saliva on her neck, and she sighed as she supposed she should, breathing faster when he did, acting and knowing she was acting, wondering if he knew. The blanket slid off them, and her legs and feet were cold. She blankly bided her time until it was over. Terry tensed, suddenly covered in a thin film of sweat, which cooled instantly into a cold wash. She didn’t want to touch him.
“That was great,” panted Terry, slithering out of her.
“Yeah.” She breathed heavily, as if she had been carried away too.
He lay next to her, catching his breath. She tried not to touch him and stared at the ceiling. There was nothing to it. She was relieved. Her virginity was no longer a giant, weighty gift. She didn’t have to find someone to bestow it on. It was gone. Sean was gone.
“Terry?” She nudged him, needing some company. “Hey, Terry, what time is it now?”
But Terry was asleep. Paddy slipped a finger between her legs and looked at it. She didn’t see any blood. Terry didn’t even need to know what had happened.