‘Sit on the bed,’ he said in a kind voice.
She obeyed. He stooped to untie the knot beneath her breasts. Aurelia watched as if she were someone else. His hands went to the hem of her tunic, and she blurted, ‘Shouldn’t I pray first?’ Atia had drilled into her how things had to proceed.
He stood back and smiled. ‘If you wish. I for one have had a bellyful of prayers for today.’
Partly to conceal her shock, partly to delay the inevitable, she closed her eyes and asked Juno, the guardian of maidens, and Cincia, the goddess to whom the loosening of the knot was consecrated, for their blessings and their help in the hours to come. All too soon, she had finished. Lucius gave her an enquiring look, and Aurelia found herself nodding. She was too weary to fight.
Rather than undressing her, he surprised Aurelia by next taking off his toga. He was attractive, she had to admit. His muscles were as sculpted as those of an athlete and he had a belly like a race hound. Clad in just his licium, he approached again. ‘You have the advantage on me now,’ he said softly. ‘Stand up.’
‘Yes, husband.’ She tried not to tremble as he lifted the hem of her tunic up and over her head. It fell to the floor unnoticed as he slipped down her undergarment. Aurelia was mortified. She had not been naked in front of a man since well before her monthly bleeds had started. With an effort, she did not cover herself. His eyes drank in her body, and she did her best not to recoil when he reached out and touched a breast. Under his licium, she could see him swelling.
‘Get into bed,’ he said.
Relief for a moment as she escaped his touch. Sliding under the covers, she watched him extinguish the lights one by one. Blackness coated the room when he’d finished, but there was no comfort in it — as there might have been if she had been alone. Aurelia heard him move to the other side of the bed and undress. Her anxiety reached new levels. If the build-up to the ceremony and the event itself had been hard to take, this was torture. As he got in, she slid herself to the furthest edge of the bed and turned her back to him. When he reached out and touched her shoulder, she flinched.
His hand stayed where it was. ‘We’re married now.’
‘I know,’ she said miserably.
‘Wife, I know that you married me only because of your parents’ insistence.’
Guilt flayed at her. He deserves better than me, she thought. ‘I-’ she began.
‘Don’t lie.’ For the first time, his voice was harsh.
A long-drawn-out pause. Feeling even worse that he had seen through her, Aurelia tried to think of something to say. ‘You are a good man, Lucius,’ she whispered eventually.
‘And you are a kind and beautiful young woman. I hope that you can learn to be happy. Marriage is about begetting children and running a household, but it doesn’t have to be entirely miserable. Or so my father says.’
What would he know? Aurelia thought furiously. Yet when he moved closer, sliding his naked body against hers, she did nothing. His chest was warm and soft, in stark contrast to his stiffness, which pushed against her buttocks. It was all she could do not to jump up from the bed, screaming. She didn’t move. This was the final part of the test. It had to be endured, for her family’s sake. As Lucius fumbled down below, she thought of Hanno, which helped a little. The first thrust inside her was shocking, however. It hurt, because she was dry, but Aurelia didn’t say a word. She bit her lip instead. Lucius moved to and fro, easing himself deeper, letting out small sounds of pleasure. Aurelia’s pain grew a little worse, but it was bearable. The feeling of him inside her was far harder to accept. Be brave, she thought. Quintus has to risk his life in battle, has to slide his spear into other men’s flesh. I only have to do this.
Lucius reached around to squeeze her breast, shoved harder a few times and let out a strangled cry. His body juddered and relaxed; he pulled away from her. She felt his stiffness diminishing, and then it was out of her. At once she felt a sticky sensation between her thighs. It would be his seed and her blood, mixed. Aurelia felt a long, slow breath escape her chest. Was it relief, or satisfaction that the act had been done? She wasn’t sure. Lucius moved away from her without a word and she brought her knees up to her chest, as a baby would. A bath would have felt like heaven, but she knew that was out of the question on this of all nights. Silence cloaked the two of them, their bed, the room, like a heavy weight. At least the gods have been appeased, Aurelia thought. The marriage had been consummated.
It was as if that was enough for Lucius, whose only further words to her were a sleepy, ‘Good night, wife.’ Soon he was snoring.
The same was not true of Aurelia. She lay wide awake, staring into the blackness. Let his seed have taken hold, she prayed. Although she had no desire to have a child, pregnancy would protect her from more of what had just taken place — at least until that child had been weaned. If that didn’t happen, she would have to submit to Lucius as often as he wished. Never had Aurelia felt so helpless. A sob escaped her. She managed to swallow the next but then another one came, and another. It was too much for her. The tears that had been threatening all day began to flow at last. They poured out of her in a great tide of sorrow, soaking her pillow and the sheet below. She did her best to cry quietly, but after a while she no longer cared if Lucius heard. Maybe it would make him sorry that he’d touched her. If he saw how upset she was, maybe he wouldn’t touch her again. Aurelia even rolled over to lie beside her husband, to see if her weeping would wake him. All he did, however, was to roll over and snort as he settled in a new position.
At this, Aurelia’s desolation knew no bounds. Hanno, she thought. Hanno.
Many hours passed before sleep overtook her.
Chapter XI
Apulia, a month later. .
‘Stop looking at me like that,’ ordered Hanno irritably.
‘Like what, sir?’ Mutt made a pretence of a happy expression.
Hanno waited for the inevitable. A moment later, like a fat man’s wine belly that has been sucked in, Mutt’s face sagged back down into its normal doleful position. ‘Like that,’ Hanno said, pointing. ‘You’re not happy that I’m going, but you’re not going to stop me.’
‘I can’t stop you, sir,’ replied Mutt mournfully. ‘You’re my commanding officer.’
‘But you won’t tell anyone about this when we return from patrol?’
‘Of course not, sir. The men won’t say a thing either, you have my word on it.’ Mutt’s lips pursed, but then relaxed.
‘You will keep quiet, but you don’t approve,’ said Hanno, perplexed.
‘That’s right, sir. Women have their place, and it’s not in the middle of a war.’
Hanno glowered. He’d felt obliged to tell Mutt his reasons for leaving. It was impossible to argue; his second-in-command was right. What he was planning was reckless, even bordered on lunacy. Yet his mind was made up. Like many other units, his phalanx had been sent on patrol by Hannibal, their mission to protect the Carthaginian foraging parties that scoured the land for supplies. Fabius had continued his tactic of attacking these groups, often with considerable success, meaning that their job had become even more important. Abandoning his men for what would probably be several days would not be regarded favourably by Hannibal, or any other senior officer for that matter. Hanno could all too vividly remember the disciplining he had received from his general after disobeying orders once before. ‘Good. Because if Hannibal finds out about this, he will crucify me.’ It was weird, he thought. Even that knowledge couldn’t deter him from making another attempt to see Aurelia before she was wed. Since the night at the farm, he had hardly been able to sleep for thinking of her. If he could kill Agesandros on the same journey, all the better.