I sighed. I didn’t know if John would talk to me. What if it was me that had caused him to go over the edge? I didn’t think I could handle the guilt. It might not have been my fault I’d left, but I hadn’t allowed him to talk to me about it. Maybe giving him that chance would help. Maybe if I pushed to know what was going on in other areas of his life, he would talk. I would try, because I couldn’t stand seeing him hurt so much.
“I’ll go see him at his office tomorrow,” I told Gabe, who released a sigh as his shoulders relaxed.
“Thank you. I will be indebted to you. John is a good friend and I don’t like seeing him this way. As for you little miss, you need to be more careful about which Doms you play with. No matter what happens with John, you need to learn to set clearer boundaries if you’re going to scene with new Doms. Talk about limits before you scene. You could’ve easily been put in a hairy situation real quick. Luckily, I spotted you when you came in and made sure you were here to witness John’s scene since it was the only way you’d understand how much pain he’s in.”
“Understood.” I stood with a nod. I couldn’t sit in the office anymore. I needed privacy to build the courage to enter John’s office in the morning. Needed to plan what I was going to say to him.
Gabe walked with me until I turned to leave and he returned to the main room. The urge to look and see if John was still on the stage nearly had me following him, but I forced myself to leave instead.
After another restless night, I found myself dressed in a pantsuit, hair in a severe low ponytail, and heading into John’s office shortly after he’d passed through the lobby.
“He doesn’t want to see you,” Mariah sneered as soon as she saw me.
“That’s not for you to decide.” I walked briskly past her desk and pushed open his door without knocking. Locking it, I leaned against it as he looked up from a small stack of papers.
Slowly one eyebrow lifted as he watched me.
“Look, we are going to have a talk and I don’t need Ms. Thing out there bothering us.”
“Let me take care of that.” John stood and walked calmly toward me.
If I hadn’t seen him the night before, I wouldn’t have guessed he was any different than any other day before we’d been together.
“Excuse me. I can’t open the door if you insist on leaning on it.” He stood only inches away and his delicious scent surrounded me. His eyes were guarded and cold as he looked down at me.
Feeling stupid, I stepped to the side. He opened the door and stuck his head out.
“Leave, now. Lock the office behind you,” he demanded with a stern Dom tone of voice before closing it and returning to his perch behind his desk. “Now, what was it you wanted to talk about?”
“How do you know she left?” I glanced at him before looking toward where Mariah was probably listening.
“She will. Would you rather waste time debating on how well my secretary listens to orders or talk about whatever it is that has you in my office so early this morning?” He looked at me expectantly.
“I’d rather avoid all things involving your secretary,” I said quietly, but sat in the chair across from him. “I’ve decided to give you the chance to voice whatever it is that has you still blowing up my phone. Obviously you have something to say.”
I couldn’t help but be defensive. It wasn’t how I’d planned to come to his office and speak with him, but he was so cold, so harsh, I fired back with the same tone, forgetting I was there to help him deal with his pain.
He tilted his head and stared at me for a full minute before nodding as if he had the answer to some unvoiced question.
“I wanted to know if you wanted back the stuff you’d left at my apartment.”
I nearly gaped at his response, but I caught myself.
“That’s it?” I’d thought he wanted to try to explain himself or try to get me to take him back or something, but he simply wanted to give me my things back?
“Yes. What did you think it was?” He rubbed his thumb over his lower lip, drawing my eyes to them. I felt my heart clench. Not so long ago I would’ve been free to take those lips any time I wanted; now I could only watch them.
“Nothing.” I stood and swallowed. “Well, if you have the time now, we can go get whatever was left behind.”
“No. I’ll leave you here and retrieve it myself. You are no longer welcome in my place,” he said, standing and walking to the door. “Give me five minutes and you can be out of my life forever.”
Before I could respond, he was out the front door and I was alone. I took my head in my hands and a sob slipped out unexpectedly. I had to hold it together for a few more minutes. I could do it. Wiping the tears away from my face, I stood and tried to make sure he wouldn’t be able to tell how much he was stomping on the shattered pieces of my heart. I realized then that some part of me had harbored the idea that we’d get back together, but this was the end.
The outside door opened and I turned, thinking it would be John, but it was Mariah instead.
“I forgot… Oh, it’s just you,” Mariah scoffed and strutted closer. Calling out, she said, “John?”
“He stepped out for a minute.” I didn’t have it in me to say where.
“Oh, well, then it’s just you and me. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, we’re together. We have been for months. John was trying to find a good time to tell you. I actually felt bad for you.” Mariah shrugged a delicate shoulder, but her face told me she didn’t feel bad at all.
“Really? Interesting that I didn’t know this.” John stood at the door with anger vibrating off him in waves.
“Oh, John!” Mariah spun around to look at him.
“Please, do tell me why you are telling the woman I love that we are fucking when every day I have to fight my repulsion for you.” He stepped closer, letting the door swing closed.
“Wait, what?” I looked between them, confused. My head spun as I studdered, “But… all the conversations, the lipstick, the condom.”
“Condom?” John briefly glanced at me, but his eyes were burning through Mariah. “You better start talking.”
“I was just trying to save you, sir. She isn’t good enough for you. Look at her. She’s not pretty enough, not submissive enough. You need someone who can give you everything you need. I wanted to get her out of the picture so I could show you how much I’ve learned since we broke up, how much we are meant to be together.” Mariah dropped to her knees and wobbled forward, reaching for his hand.
“What fucking condom?” John barked, stepping out of reach.
Mariah lowered her head, but didn’t say anything.
“Answer me!” he shouted.
“I… may have planted a condom in the trash for her to find,” Mariah whispered.
“And the lipstick?”
“I brushed my lips against you when I fixed your hair, sir.” She shrank into herself.
“But the phone calls…” I interrupted, not understanding why someone would be so cruel.
“No one was on the phone,” Mariah answered.
“Get out now. I don’t ever want to see you again,” John growled as he stepped around her, giving her his back as his attention shifted to me. No longer was he the cold, impersonal man who’d been in his office.
Mariah quietly left and John dropped the box he’d held under his arm, but I hadn’t noticed until it banged against the floor. He looked almost scared as he slowly moved closer to me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, pained.
“I tried. It never came out right and I didn’t know who to believe. She was so convincing.” I closed my eyes and took a breath. “And I don’t deserve you. I’m not a good sub. I’m not beautiful.”