In his best fantasy, it was Lynn who sat on the bench. Wearing a white bikini.
He often returned to that one while he waited.
Lynn stopped in front of him.
He gazed up at her, puzzled. She wasn’t wearing a bikini. She wore a white cotton polo shirt, pink shorts that reached almost to her knees, and white socks and sneakers. Her huge leather shoulder bag hung against her hip.
‘Hi, Charles,’ she said. ‘How’s it going?’
He shrugged. He tried to smile. He was reasonably certain this was Lynn, not a figment of his imagination.
‘Ready to head on over to the salt mines?’ she asked.
He glanced at his wristwatch. Ten till four. Impossible! he couldn’t have been sitting here that long.
‘I guess it’s time,’ he muttered.
Lynn tilted her head to one side. ‘Are you all right?’
‘I didn’t get much sleep last night.’
‘I had kind of a restless night, myself. So, are you coming?’
‘Sure. Yeah. I guess so.’ He put his book away, lifted his briefcase and rose from the bench. With a last glimpse at the other bench, he started walking with Lynn.
It’s Fate, he thought. He’d tried to direct his need away from Lynn, but his efforts had failed. They were meant to fail. He was being guided by forces beyond his control, forces that had ordained Lynn to bleed for him.
‘Check out my finger,’ she said as they walked along. She raised it in front of his face.
The bandage was gone. Charles saw a tiny curve of white fringe on the pad of her finger. His heart thudded. ‘It looks good,’ he said.
‘Almost as good as new.’ She smiled as her upper arm brushed against him. She lowered the hand to her side. ‘If it wasn’t for your first-aid, no telling what might’ve happened. Who knows? I might’ve bled to death.’
Charles knew she was joking. But his heart pounded even harder. Heat spread through his groin. ‘From a paper cut?’
‘Of course. Happens all the time. It’s the leading cause of death among librarians and editors. Honest to God.’ She looked at him. ‘You do know how to smile, don’t you?’
‘Sure,’ he muttered.
‘Let’s see one.’
He tried.
‘Miserable,’ she said. ‘You know, you’d be a pretty handsome fellow if you’d smile once in a while.’
He gazed at her. He pictured how her face would look with bright red blood streaming down it. He imagined himself licking the blood from her cheeks and lips.
‘That’s more of a leer than a smile, actually,’ Lynn said. ‘But it’ll do. You just need more practice.’
Even after all the books were shelved, Charles stayed in the second-floor stacks.
If he went downstairs, he would see Lynn. She would be sitting on her stool behind the circulation desk, checking books in and out, or maybe wandering the floor, cheerfully offering suggestions to students in need of assistance.
As long as I don’t see her, he told himself, nothing will happen.
A few students came up. Some searched for books, while others slipped into carrels along the far wall and studied. There were girls, but he paid them no attention. It would be Lynn, or no one.
He ducked into a carrel himself. For some unknown reason, it had been placed in a corner away from the lights. That suited him well. He felt snug and hidden.
He folded his arms on the desk top and put his head down.
Maybe I’ll sleep, he thought.
He closed his eyes. He pictured Lynn suspended from a ceiling beam, wrists tied, arms stretched high, feet off the floor. He had no rope, though. Too bad. Go back to his apartment and get some? The emergency exits had alarms. He couldn’t leave the library without passing Lynn’s desk.
Maybe use my belt, instead?
That had worked before. He’d put a loop around the girl’s hands and nailed the other end high on a wall.
No hammer. No nails.
A rope would be better, anyway. Even though he didn’t have one, he liked the image of Lynn hanging helpless. He knew she was wearing a polo shirt. In his mind, however, she wore a regular blouse. With buttons. And he saw himself slicing off the buttons, one by one.
Charles flinched awake when someone stroked the back of his head. Her jerked upright in his chair. Lynn was standing close beside him, frowning down with concern on her shadowy face.
‘You really zonked out,’ she said. Her voice was little more than a whisper in the silence.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t…’
‘That’s okay.’ Her hand stayed on the back of his head, caressing his hair. ‘I was a little worried about you, though. You just disappeared.’
‘I was shelving books up here. I felt so tired…’
‘No problem.' A smile tilted the corners of her mouth. ‘I thought maybe you were trying to avoid me. You’ve been acting so strange ever since last night.’
‘I’ve been feeling pretty strange.’
‘Are you still upset because I cut myself?’
‘In a way, I guess.’ He stood up. The chair made a loud squawk as it was scooted away by the backs of his knees. The noise made him cringe.
‘I haven’t been quite myself, either,’ Lynn said.
He turned to face her. ‘Really?’
‘Really.’ Gazing into his eyes, she took hold of his hands. ‘The way you acted last night… You were so sweet, getting me the bandage and everything, putting it on my finger even though you have that phobia about cuts. I just suddenly realized… how really special you are, Charles.’
‘Me?’
‘Yeah, you.’ She lifted her hands to his face. Gently caressing his cheeks, she eased against him. She tilted back her head. She pressed her mouth against his lips. After a slow, soft kiss, she looked up into his eyes. ‘We’re all alone,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve already locked up for the night.’
All he could say was, ‘Oh.’ He was trembling. His heart was punching, his breath ragged. His groin was tight and the way Lynn pressed against him, he knew she must be able to feel his erection.
She stepped back to make a space between their bodies. Her hands roamed over his chest. ‘I was awake all night,’ she said. ‘Thinking about you.’
‘I was awake thinking about you, too.’
‘You were?’ He heard a tremor in her voice.
‘Yes.’
‘Oh, man.’ She made a soft, nervous laugh. ‘I should’ve cut myself a long time ago.’
Her trembling fingers unbuttoned his shirt. She spread it open. She kissed his chest.
With one hand, Charles stroked her back. With the other, he dug into the pocket of his pants. He squeezed the plastic handle of his knife.
Staring into his eyes, Lynn plucked at the bottom of her polo shirt. She pulled it free of her shorts, drew it over her head and dropped it to the floor.
Charles felt as if his breath had been sucked from his lungs. He struggled for air.
Lynn fumbled at the waist of her shorts. The garment slipped down her legs. She stepped out of it, nudged it away with her sneaker.
The plastic knife handle felt greasy with sweat.
‘Do you like how I look?’ Lynn whispered.
Charles nodded. ‘You look… beautiful.’
So beautiful. Slender and smooth, naked except for her skimpy white bra and panties, her white socks and sneakers.