She did not look at me, but she spoke to me. "On Gor," she said, "we would not even break our male slaves as the men of Earth are broken."
She then spoke to the two girls and they conducted me swiftly from the presence of the mistress, Lola pulling me, stumbling on the chain, and Tela, behind, prodding me with her quirt.
My lessons in Gorean were soon to begin.
I tried not to look at the beauty of the girl who led me. I knew that if I looked upon either of them as a man I would be punished. I must not permit myself to have sexual feelings. I must control myself ruthlessly. I must keep fully in mind that I was a slave.
Then it occurred to me that it would not be right for me to look upon their beauty. They could not help that they were slaves, no more than I could help it. They were, despite their beauty and rags, the brand and steel collar, true persons, like myself. I must respect them. I must not look upon them as beautiful women are biologically looked upon by strong, aggressive males. I must look upon them as persons. This was not, then, weakness on my part, but evidence of my respect for them, my nobility, my understanding, my sweetness and tenderness. That I suppressed my feelings toward them, thus, was not now evidence of my cowardice but rather of my strength and courage. I was now strong enough and courageous enough to control and conquer myself. How wonderful I was, really. I was not to be despised. No, rather I was to be congratulated and commended. Perhaps Goreans might not understand the sacrifice I had made, and how noble I was, but I was certain these things, my sacrifice, and my nobility, would have been well understood, and appreciated, by a woman of my own world.
Content then I went with the two women who were to me now, in the time of my lessons, as mistresses.
Never must I permit Goreans to rob me of my true self. I knew what was my true self, for I had been taught what it was on Earth. Years of careful conditioning and training, and a pervasive social and cultural milieu, had taught me what my true self was.
I did not think it would interfere with my slavery.
5 I AM TAUGHT TO POUR WINE; I AM PUNISHED; I HEAR OF THE MARKET OF TIMA
"Pour, Jason," said the Lady Gina.
"Yes, Mistress," I said. I left the line of kneeling male slaves and approached the table, carrying the vessel of wine Tela had given me. Behind the table, kneeling with her knees together, as a free woman, was Lola. She had a bit of white rep-cloth thrown about her shoulders, serving to represent the robes and veil of a free woman. Near the table, in her leather, with her whip, was the Lady Gina.
I approached the table deferentially. I knelt before Lola.
"Wine, Mistress?" I asked.
"Yes, Slave," she said.
"You look nice this evening, Jason," said the Lady Gina.
"Thank you, Mistress," I said.
I now wore a short, silk tunic, white, trimmed with red. My hair, longer now, though I had worn it long before, was combed back and tied behind my head with a white ribbon. I had been in the pens, I estimated, some five or six weeks. The heavy iron collar I had worn was now replaced with a lighter collar, enameled white. It had writing on it, in yellow, but incised, too, into the steel. I could not read the writing, for I was illiterate. I had been told the writing read `Return me for punishment to the House of Andronicus'. I did not think I would care to be caught wearing it outside the pens. I did not know the location of the House of Andronicus. I had once been beaten for asking. I had been told that curiosity was not becoming in a slave. This collar, too, though much lighter than the former collar, had, too, a ring upon it, for the snap of a leash.
Lola regarded me with contempt.
I heard a stirring behind me, of the other male slaves, in their silks and ribbons. They had not been pleased that the mistress had commended me. They were jealous of such things, and of their handsomeness.
"Again, Jason," said the Lady Gina, "more softly, more deferentially."
"Wine, Mistress?" I again asked
"Yes, Slave," said Lola.
"Good," said the Lady Gina. "Now, pour."
Carefully I poured the wine into the cup before Lola.
"You are pouring it too swiftly, Slave," said Lola.
I looked to the Lady Gina. Surely I was not pouring it too swiftly.
"The whim of the Mistress is everything," said the Lady Gina.
"Forgive me, Mistress," I said to Lola. Lola looked at me, smugly. "Slip your tunic down to the waist," she said.
I did so.
"A blow for the clumsy slave," Lola called to Tela. Tela took a slave whip from its ring on the wall and, coming up behind me, struck me across the back. The tunic had been slipped down to the waist that it not be bloodied.
"Forgive me, Mistress," I said.
I looked at Lola. How imperious she seemed, pretending to be a free woman. She knelt there behind the table, almost naked save for the rag at her hips, the bit of cloth about her shoulders and, locked on her lovely neck, a steel collar. Her breasts were very exciting. What a slut she had been to me. How vicious she had been in my training, far beyond anything required of her. My nights had often been filled with pain from the blows of her quirt. In comparison Tela had been very businesslike and efficient with me, treating me with no more than the same severity and contempt than would have been accorded to any other miserable slave who might have been in her power. I did not know why Lola so hated me. She seemed to hold me in an incredible contempt. She lost no opportunity to belittle or strike me. I had tried not to look upon her. I had tried, constantly, to respect her, and I had reminded myself, a thousand times a day, that she was, as I, a person. Yet, to be honest, I was not the only slave to whom she was petty and vicious. She was not popular in the pens, either with the slaves or keepers. I knew she was a person. Yet it was hard not to see her as a girl, and a slave. At times I suspected even the Lady Gina might be growing impatient with her.
"He looked at me!" cried Lola, triumphantly, pointing to me, turning to Lady Gina.
That was true. I had looked at her. Interestingly, given the weeks in the pen, the simple food, the constant training and exercising, perhaps the Gorean milieu, I was beginning to feel a return of my sexuality. I had fought this, of course. But, sometimes, it seemed to me that perhaps it was pointless to keep fighting and torturing myself. What, truly, was the point of it? What was so wrong, really, with being a man?
"Twenty strokes!" cried Lola to Tela.
Tela looked at the Lady Gina.
"One will do," said the Lady Gina.
Lola suddenly turned white.
"Do not forget, Lola," said the Lady Gina, "that you are not really free. Do not grow pretentious."
"Yes, Mistress," said Lola, frightened. It pleased me to see the fear in the female slave.
"You may now administer the disciplinary blow," said the Lady Gina to Tela.
The blow was delivered. I winced. Tela, being a woman, could not strike me overly hard with the whip. She had only a woman's strength. A woman cannot punish a man too efficiently with a whip. A man, on the other hand, with his strength, may punish a woman terribly with it, should he choose to do so. No true man I knew, of course, would choose to do so.
"Pour the wine back into the vessel," said the Lady Gina, "and pour it forth again."
"Yes, Mistress," I said.
Then, a moment later, again, I poured wine into the cup before Lola.
"You are pouring it too slowly, Slave," said Lola.
"Forgive me, Mistress," I said. But she did not call for Tela to strike me again.
As I drew back Lola reached forth and, with her hand, knocked the cup over on the small table. "Clumsy slave!" she cried, aghast.
I was startled.
Lola looked to the Lady Gina. "See what he has done!" she cried.
I looked at Lola with a sudden fury.
"Are you not a slave, Jason?" inquired the Lady Gina.
"Forgive me, Mistress," I said, hastily, to Lola. "I will clean this up immediately."
"Hurry, Slave," said Lola, triumphantly. "And, meanwhile, I shall consider what your punishment shall be."