Mac drops another beer down in front of me, and I make quick work of the golden liquid. Anything to keep from turning around. Ataxia starts their first set, and as much as I’d like to watch them, I can’t bring myself to face what might be going on behind me.
“It’s okay. You can turn around now.”
I peek up into sympathetic eyes. We’ve only just met, but I can’t help but feel like she knows more than I’ve told her.
“He’s gone. Left just a minute ago.”
Rolling my lips between my teeth, I wonder if I can ask the question that’s clawing at my skull without giving myself away. “Did he leave alone?”
Her expression softens with what looks like sadness. “No.”
I nod once, twice, three… Oh no, I’m doing the crazy quick nods. The kind I do right before I’m about to cry. This is so stupid. Why on earth would I cry? We aren’t together. Even if there was a possibility of us hooking up, that would be a twelve-degree fuck-up on my end. I’m here to focus on rebuilding my life with my daughter. Not to gallivant around with a guy, albeit a seriously hot guy, from my work. On top of that, there are probably strict rules that discourage interoffice dating. I can’t risk losing my job.
But my eyes still burn as I wonder what it would be like to be on the receiving end of Blake’s attention. I’ve felt only a sliver of what he gave that girl tonight, and I was light headed. Maybe that’s all it is. Not Blake the man, but the way he makes me feel. I’ve never been looked at the way he looks at me. Like I’m some forbidden indulgence he’s been deprived of his whole life.
And if that’s the case, what does that say about me? That I’d be willing to cast aside my future, my plan to rebuild a life for Elle, all because some guy makes me feel wanted. I fist my hands into my hair. Ugh, I’m sicker than I thought.
“Mac, I need a shot of…” I study the bottles. “Whatever you got. Just, make it strong.”
She chews the inside of her mouth, her thoughtful eyes on me. “I’ve got just the thing.” Whirling around, she grabs a bottle.
Within minutes I’ve downed three shots of what I’m pretty sure is some fancy-ass kind of tequila. My head feels light, but my thoughts have turned to dead weight. Dammit.
I blink to focus and suddenly feel suffocated in the crowded bar. Fresh air.
Digging through my wallet for cash, I curse my impulsiveness. Those shots probably cost me a week’s worth of food.
“Layla, no.” Mac shakes her head, dropping a full drink in front of my heavily pierced neighbor at the bar. “It’s on the house.”
Oh, thank God. “Are you sure?”
She smiles, but there’s sadness in her eyes. Great. Now she feels sorry for me. I need to get out of here.
I drop a twenty on the bar and tell Mac goodnight. On my way out, I wave to Rex on stage, and he rewards me with a lip-ringed smile.
Now he’s a nice guy. I’ve been here for two of his shows and have yet to see him all over a girl. It’s possible to practice some self-control.
Unlike a certain someone who I’m not thinking about at all.
Once free from the stifling club environment, I take a deep pull of fresh, cool desert air. Fresh might be an exaggeration. But the chilly winter temps help to clear my head. I need to sober up. Across the parking lot, I spot a bench. Perfect place to wait for a cab. I weave my way through the cars to—
The sound of a woman’s keening makes my body stiffen. I look around, but can’t see anyone except for the small cluster of smokers huddled at the far end of the building, in the opposite direction. I scan the lot, hold my breath, and concentrate on my hearing. Another soft moan and I’m moving, following the sound. Scouring the surrounding area, I tiptoe through rows of cars, my heart hammering in my chest.
“Oh God.” The murmured voice again, this time a little louder and closer.
A deep grumble filters from a nearby SUV. I duck down low and creep up to the car.
The woman screeches. Oh no. Panic floods my system. Visions flash behind my eyes. The struggle. The fear. The pain of being taken against my will.
I’m at the door, my hand moving on its own to grasp the handle.
The deep voice again. Another female whimper.
I swing open the car door and lean into the backseat. “No!” The word flies, powered by the ferocity of my anger. The door bounces back from my aggressive yank, slamming against my thighs and pinching my legs.
“What the fuck?” The angered roar of the rapist ricochets off the windows.
I grab at the back of his jeans. “Leave her alone!”
My fingers burn, digging into denim as I struggle to pull him off.
“Crazy bitch, get out!” the victim says, her voice not at all panicked, but pissed.
Blinking away the fog, my eyes adjust to the dome light in the car. A pretty blonde girl frantically covers her naked body, pulling her bra down and sliding on her panties. The rapist is up, buttoning his jeans and righting his shirt. My eyes are painfully wide and firmly fixed on the man’s familiar green glare.
Shit.
“Blake…” His name slides from my lips on a whisper.
“What are you doing?” The girl’s pretty face twists in anger. “Get out!”
I scramble backwards, out of the backseat. Stumbling, my butt hits the car parked next to the SUV. I just stormed in on Blake’s make-out session like a fucking lunatic. He already thinks I’m crazy. I just proved him right. Oh, God!
His tall, wide body folds out of the back of the car. He’s fastening his belt—were they? Oh. My. God!
“I… I’m sorry Blake… I didn’t—”
He steps into my space, his jaw clenched tight. “What the fuck’s wrong with you?”
What’s wrong with me? Where do I begin? I roll my lips between my teeth and shake my head. The urge to run, to get the hell away from the embarrassment, is overwhelming, but I can’t move. It’s like my feet are sunk in concrete.
The horror of my past mixes with total humiliation. My eyes burn. Rivers of emotion stream down my face. I’d blame the alcohol if that little surprise hadn’t sobered me up completely.
The blond from the club pulls her shirt on over her head and leans toward me. “You’re a fucking psycho!”
“I’m sor—”
“Hey!” Blake turns his back to me and faces the girl, his body blocking my view of her. “Don’t talk to her. Don’t even look at her. Understand?”
He’s sticking up for me?
“She jumped all over us in my car. How can you defend her?” The girl’s high-pitched shriek draws the attention of a few people by the front door.
Great. An audience.
I try to sidestep away on shaky legs, ignoring the sickening twist that plagues my belly.
“I’ll take care of her. You get yourself together.” Blake’s voice is low, clearly trying to avoid any more attention.
“She saw us…” She’s speaking softly so that I can’t hear, but the words I do pick up on are unmistakable. “… inside me.”
Crap. I knew it. A spasm rocks my chest so hard that I grasp my neck. My lungs struggle for breath. He was having sex in the backseat of a car.
A sob rips from my throat. I’ve got to get out of here. “I’m really sorry, you guys.”
I turn and make my way… away. My eyes follow the asphalt forward, no clue which direction I’m walking. Salty tears burn my nose, and I’m grateful no one can see my breakdown. What was I thinking? Nausea threatens to upheave my tequila shots. I breathe in through my nose and out my mouth, trying to calm my overactive gut. I mistook her cries of pleasure for cries of pain. The memories flicker behind my eyes, the burn from his hold, his weight on my chest, still so vivid and—