"From the taxes you pay." He rubs a thumb against his fore and middle fingers, indicating money.
"Really?" The girls' hands snap back to their mouths. This time they manage to show anger. I would.
Did I pay for the Queen's security system, too? Do insane people pay taxes?
"The Queen's nuts are that important." The Pillar ends his lesson with a bang, pulls his chin up, and turns back to me. "Alice!" He raises his cane, leaving a set of middle-class girls almost teary behind them. One of them actually quits her job on the spot. "Have you found an appropriate dress yet?" he asks.
I stare at him. Really stare at him. All kinds of thoughts flicker in my head. I want to punch him. I want to bring back time to a point where I have never met him. I want deliver him to the authorities. But I also want to laugh with him. As he approaches me, a flash of Wonderland sparks before my eyes. It's a short one about me talking to a caterpillar atop of an immense mushroom.
The flash disappears in a flash.
"Who are you?" I ask the Pillar approaching me in Harrods. I am sincerely wishing for an answer. A fragment of an answer will do. "I mean, really, Pillar, who are you?"
He laughs. "I used to ask you that question in Wonderland." He stops before me, knocking his cane against the floor. "And I actually do it with style. Hoo aaare yoooh?" Hookah smoke swirls out of his mouth as he ends his sentence. He hasn't even brought his hookah with him. I cough, closing my eyes, not wanting to get sedated again.
If close my eyes and open them again, will my world ever change for the better?
When I open my eyes, the Pillar is gone. No wonder Dr. Truckle connects him to Harry Houdini.
Chapter 30
I sigh at the Pillar's disappearance and get back in the booth. Surely he will come back again.
I pull the curtain back and try on the new dress. I try not to overdress. Nothing too fancy, although I'd love to. A merely noticeable, but moderately proper dress should work just fine. I am not going to the prom. It's just a play at the theatre. A great bonus for a girl locked in an asylum, I must admit. Besides, whatever I wear usually ends up spattered with blood.
I have already chosen a fitting room with no mirrors—the Pillar pretended he had broken it accidentally, and the staff had to remove it when we first entered Harrods. I told them I didn't mind using a mirror-less dressing room. The Pillar covered the rest of the mirror on the wall with a veil he borrowed from an older woman and told me, "What's the use of a dressing room without a mirror? It's just like a book without pictures." He winked and closed the curtain to talk to the girls.
When I look at the dress I chose, I like it on me. Not bad for a mad girl. I think I can look like normal girls, ones who have a few friends, loving parents and siblings, a girl who lives in a nice suburban house, awaits a bright future, and, above all, has a solid memory of her past.
I also think I look like a girl who could have a boyfriend. At least, a mutual interest with a boy. I wonder if this is could be my life when all of this is over—if this is ever going to be over.
The accumulation of thoughts reminds me of Jack Diamonds. How is it possible he always appears when I need him? He never complains, and is always positive about his energy. I should be flattered he always wants to have a date with me.
Now that I know Jack is Adam J. Dixon, my dead boyfriend, I understand why I am so into him. My feelings are justified. I am not a love-hungry girl fresh out of the asylum, insta-loving the first boy I meet. I am in love with the boy who has been my boyfriend since two years ago. The same boy I killed two years ago.
But how is Adam alive, calling himself Jack?
I shrug and silence my overworking mind. Better pull the curtain and ask he Pillar who's going to pay for my dress. I know he hasn't fully disappeared. He was just playing games with me.
When I pull he curtain, I am surprised someone is standing right behind it. Not the Pillar. Someone I miss dearly, but haven't expected to see here.
Jack Diamonds flashes one of his smiles with cute dimples at me. It's a sexy smile.
Chapter 31
"Are you wearing this dress for me?" He has his arm resting on the doorframe, a seductive gleam flowering in his eyes.
"Jack!" I tiptoe like a young girl meeting her loved one after he has been away for long.
"With a dress like that, I could get on my knees and propose."
I am sure I am blushing, so I lower my head and lace my hands. Slowly, Jack's finger nudges me back to look at him. "You know I am poor and can't afford a ring, right?"
"You're just silly." I am blushing red roses out of my cheeks.
"I'm not silly. I am mad."
"You're not mad. Trust me." I wrap my fingers around his wrist. I feel as if the world is slowly disappearing all around me. No one's left in it but him and me. "I'm the mad one. I have a Certificate of Ins—"
"I'm mad about you," he says. I don't think he heard what I just said. "I would go to the moon and back for you. You have no idea, Alice."
"Mad enough to die for me?" I shrug. In the name of Mushroomers, why did I say that?
"Alice." He leans in, still smelling of a deck of cards. Normally, a smell like that would spoil a moment like this. It doesn't. I'm in love with all the nonsense aces, spades, hearts, clubs, and diamonds he brings to my life. "You can kill me anytime you want. I won't complain," he whispers.
A sticky tear threatens to seep out of my eye when he says that. Now, why did he say that? Should I tell him that I killed him? Should I tell him I have no idea how he is standing in front of me?
"Who are you talking to?" The Pillar waves at me from an aisle of dresses a few feet away.
"It's Jack," I reply. "I have never had him appear in your presence before."
The Pillar says nothing as he walks silently toward me. He briefly checks out the crowd around us before he stops and says, "Jack who?"
"Jack Diamonds," I insist, poking Jack at his chest.
The Pillar looks behind him and then back to me, a suspicious gaze in his eyes. Almost pitiful.
"Look." I sigh. "I know you don't like him, but it wouldn't hurt you to say 'hi.'"
"I would if I could," the Pillar says. His gaze starts to worry me.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means I don't see a 'Jack' in here."
"It's Jack, Pillar," I stress. "Adam, my boyfriend. Don't play games with me."
Slowly, the Pillar closes in, standing right behind Jack. "Alice," he almost whispers. "You need to calm down. There is no one here but you and me. Behind us, everyone is taking care of their own business. But right here, there is no Jack."
"You're lying," I say. "I'm not imagining him."
"I didn't quite say that. I just don't see him."
"Nonsense!" I look back at Jack. "Say something, Jack."
"Like what?" Jack looks uncomfortable with the Pillar's proximity.
"Tell him you're not a figment of my imagination," I plead. "Tell the Pillar you're real."
Jack sighs and walks away, brushing against the Pillar. I see the Pillar slightly make room for him. Why is he saying he can't see him? Where is Jack going?
"I am real, Alice," Jack says from afar. "I just don't like this man." He points at the Pillar. "I think he doesn't like me. And honestly, I think you shouldn't be around him."