It’s pathetic watching a grown man cry in that manner. No fuckin pride. Do you see me break down like a fuckin wee tart, and all the shite I’ve had to contend with as well? Do you fuck! We cope. He deserves to die, to be forced into committing suicide and dying. Like Clell. Aye, if I had my way that would happen with the fucked up: a sort of psychic natural selection. I’d take over the fuckin do-gooding helplines and if one of those sad cases phoned up I’d say: I think you’re absolutely correct to feel such despair. Gie the world a brek and take your own miserable life. If you need any help I’ll be round in a few minutes. Bladesey. He’s fuckin rubbish. Me, hanging aboot wi that nae-mates trash? Huh! I think not. I’m starting to hyperventilate as I look down on him. – I wish I could believe you . . . I wish I could fuckin believe you . . . I’m fuckin oot ay here! I storm out the room knocking over a chair and I hear Bladesey crying, – Brooosss . . . as I depart.
Outside, I regain my composure. I thumb back towards the interview room. – Damaged. In the fuckin nut. Don’t give that spastic any fucking coffee, I hiss at the poor uniformed spastic who’s a little shaken.
– Right gaffer, he says meekly.
I like this officer. I like being called ‘gaffer’. It’s a term some spastics around this nick are going to have to get used to when that promo comes through! I kid you not! I say tatty-bye-byes to the tatty-muncher McLaughlin, thanking the Romanist for his assistance and confirming that, yes, retrospectively, I should have seen that we were dealing with damaged goods in the form of Brother Blades. I drive back to HQ. I’m soon at my desk studying Monica from Sheffield’s full paps, each little goose-pimple on them clearly defined. The photographer’s done the business with this one. A keen student of the game.
The phone goes. External. I skip a heartbeat and then feel a long tense drawing in my chest. I pick it up.
– Hello?
It’s Bunty.
– Bunty, I state.
– Have they got him?
– Yes. I’ve just been down there to see him.
– Still denying everything, I’ll bet.
– Yeah . . . to be expected. They all do it. Not a particularly pleasant experience, it has to be said.
– Yes . . . it must have been . . . Bruce, when can I see you?
– I’ve been giving that a bit of thought Bunty, and I think it’s for the best that we keep a low profile with our relationship, at least until this mess is cleared up.
– What . . .
– Bunty, this could cost me dearly. I’m a detective. I should have picked up that Cliff was suspect. I knew what he was like through the craft, with the videos and stuff. We . . . I could be a laughing stock on the job! There’s a promotion coming up. You get my drift?
– Bruce, I’ll be discreet about us until the time is right. I promise I won’t say anything. But you must come and see me Bruce . . .
– Of course I will, I say softly down the phone. – We’ve got something special, haven’t we?
I’ll be round to fuck you soon you big fat hoor.
– I think so, she says, her voice breaking, – but I’d never get in the way of your career, I’d never do anything to foul that up.
– Bunty, you don’t know how much it means to hear you say that to me. All my life I felt that I was meant for greater things but there was always something holding me back, some missing piece in the jigsaw. That missing piece, I can see now, is the love and understanding of a wonderful woman. That’s what you are Bunty, a wonderful woman. And you’ve suffered so much . . . I want to put that right . . .
– Oh Bruce . . .
– Just keep mum my darling, and I’ll be round to see you soon. That’s a promise.
– Okay Bruce.
– I’ll see you soon.
– Bruce . . . I love you . . .
Fuck off fatso. The moment Bladesey was banged up, that was you and me in the death throes of our relationship. Mind you, I might string this cow along for a bit longer; asks no awkward questions and keeps a good, clean hoose. She’d get a formidable crease oan a collar, that yin! – I love you too Bunty.
There’s a silence.
– I have to go, I tell her. I’ve got another call coming in. I have as well. It’s Shirley. Fuckin hell. I’ve heard ay the expression fanny comin oot the fuckin waws, but it’s certainly comin oot fae the receiver. I see Gillman over in the corner by the sink and he’s holding up my Hearts mug and guesturing at the kettle with his free hand.
– Shirley, I say curtly. I check for the Kit-Kats in my drawer. Still a few left.
– Bruce . . . I need to see you. I need to talk. I give Dougie the thumbs up sign.
– What about?
– I need to see you! Pleeeassssse . . .
This cunt’s gaun fuckin loopy oan ays here. – Alright, alright! Jeannie Deans, in half an hour!
– Be there Bruce, please don’t let me down . . .
– I won’t, we tell her. I won’t what: be there or let her down? Then, thinking of Bunty, not of how we feel about Bunty, but what we said to her, we say, – I love you.
– You mean that?
The even-handed approach. It enhances credibility both in policing and in relationships! – I said it. I’m on my way. See you soon.
– See you.
I put the phone down. What is that spasticated cow wanting from me? We have enough fucking trouble on our plate as it is. I go over to the kettle, where Gillman and Ray Lennox are in conference. – Gascoigne was right, and Best even said it as well. Thir’s never been a man, a real man, who hasnae slapped his missus. Aw that liberal airy-fairy bullshit. She steps oot ay line, she gits a bat in the mooth, that’s it.
Lennox is shaking his head slowly in disgust. – We investigate crimes ay domestic violence. That’s assault and it’s against the law ay the land.
– Phah, Gillman sneers, and nobody sneers quite like him. If someone told me, in sincerity, that I girned like Gillman, I would die a happy man. I can tell it’s draining the blood from Lennox’s face at five feet. – Ah git enough fuckin mooth oan the job withoot takin it fi some cunt in the hoose. He looks to me, – Put this cunt right Bruce.
– I have to fly. I’m having woman problems, I smirk. – But this is a subject which needs further discussion. The bar
They nod affirmatively, Lennox with reluctance, and I, we, I . . . we’re all here . . . jump in the motor and speed towards the Jeannie Deans pub in the South Side. We decide to drive through Queens Park and we marvel at Salisbury Craigs’ imposing face which towers above us. This city of ours is truly beautiful and we like this part where there is not a scheme in sight. Why could we not simply move all the scum to the middle of nowhere, like Glasgow, where they would blend in more effectively? Come to think of it, that’s exactly what we did do, when we built the schemes. Sent them far, but not far enough.
We still have a wrap of coke on us and there must be a good half a G left and we rub a load of it into our gums and our face goes numb. We need it for this Shirley hoor, we know that she is going to make demands on us. We are not to be entrusted with the demands of the weak. It is not in our character.
Shirley is sitting on her own at a table in the corner of the empty bar. She looks like a hopeful hoor on a day shift. When we get closer we can observe her distress through her red, puffy face. Apparently our sister-in-law has been crying.
– Bruce . . . I had a smear . . . a cervical smear . . . there was something there . . . I have to go back for more tests . . .
– I’m sorry, we tell her, – but that’s just one of those things. No sense in getting all steamed up until you see what the other test results tell you.
– But I can’t cope . . . I’ve nobody since Danny left . . . I need you Bruce. I need somebody . . . I need support Bruce . . .
Just looking at her there, at her distress, just for a second, we wish we were stronger. I wish I was somebody else, the person she’s mistaking me for, the person whom she wants to mistake me for. The person who gives a fuck. – Sorry, we tell her. – I don’t see what I can do. You’ll have to sort it out.