“Pity?” the priest said. “If it’s based on pity, it’s not going to be much of a sin.”
“Why do we talk about stuff like this to a priest?” Moon asked. “If you’re a good priest you haven’t had much experience.”
“Well, now. How about before the priest took his vows? Or how about slipping and repenting and being forgiven? All that’s possible. Anyway, we hear a lot. You’d be surprised what we hear sitting here in the darkness. And we get to know the ending of these stories. Usually you only know the beginning. And we have enough testosterone to understand the urges.”
So Moon talked about Debbie, how her beauty and her awareness of her beauty were part of the problem. It was all Debbie thought she had to offer, Moon said. Which was sad. He’d first seen her at Granddad’s Tavern in Durance, dancing with a ski bum, wearing cutoff jeans and a T-shirt, object of desire of every male in the place. Including Moon Mathias. But she was too young for him; she attracted the predators and, clearly, was attracted by them. It hadn’t occurred to him she’d give him a thought. He’d been wrong. He’d noticed her three times in the bar; then she appeared at the newspaper office. She’d asked for him by name. She handed him the sort of news release from the utility company where she worked that normally would have been mailed. She flirted. He’d asked her out to dinner and taken her home to bed, and within the month she had said she was looking for a room to rent. He’d rented her one.
“I can’t see you in the dark,” the priest said. “Are you a tall, handsome fellow?”
“Nobody has ever suggested that,” Moon said. “I’m big, built like a barrel, broken nose, and I guess you’d say I look harmless.”
“I don’t think women are as interested in how men look as the other way around,” the priest said. “What do you think attracted her?”
Moon had never answered that question before, not even to himself. He said, “I think she was afraid. I think sort of subconsciously she figured I wouldn’t hurt her.”
“Have you?”
“No,” Moon said. “I haven’t and I won’t.”
“But the predators would?”
“They will.”
“You don’t think of yourself as one of the predators?”
Moon felt his face flushing. Why the devil should he defend himself to this man? But he wanted to.
“I should explain the arrangement better,” Moon said. “She has her bedroom, I have mine.”
“You said that,” the priest said, “but-”
“Let me finish,” Moon said. “I stay out of her room. She doesn’t always stay out of mine.”
“The sleeping together then is when she wants to?”
“Or when she sees I want to.”
Silence. The priest coughed. “Is anybody waiting?”
Moon checked. “Nobody.”
“How about other men? The predators.”
“She’s free as a bird,” Moon said. “She goes out with other men. Probably she’s out with one tonight.” Even as he said it, Moon found it hard to think of J.D., the publisher’s happy-go-lucky son, as a predator. Unless gerbils are predators.
“You said she wouldn’t marry you yet. Does she say she’ll marry you someday?”
“She doesn’t say it, but I think so,” Moon said. “Or one of them will take her away, and dump her, and she’ll end up like her mother.”
“Why do you think that?”
How could he explain it to this man whose only view of life was through a wooden grillwork into the darkness of other men’s souls?
“Because she doesn’t have any respect for herself. No confidence. A couple of these guys dump her and-” He let the sentence hang.
“Go on,” the priest said.
“That’s all,” Moon said. “I’m finished.”
“But you’ve left me with the question unanswered. What was the big sin you mentioned? And how did you ruin the woman’s life?”
“I killed a man,” Moon said.
Into the silence that this produced he added, “He was-” But he left the sentence unfinished. What more was there to say?
“The Fifth Commandment,” the priest said.
“The fifth. Thou Shalt Not Kill is not even number two. But serious, of course. How serious depends on the motivation. Was it ambition, lust, revenge, envy, a moment of fury, hatred?-”
“He was my best friend,” Moon said. “I guess, outside my family, he was the only person I could ever say I loved. I could trust him. Absolutely trust him.”
“So what was the motivation?”
“I was drunk,” Moon said.
SAIGON, South Vietnam, April 17 (UPI)-A Saigon military spokesman announced today that “radio contact” with the fishing town of Phan Thiet has been lost following an assault by North Vietnamese infantrymen. “Loss of contact” is the term normally used by the South Vietnamese military when a position has been captured.
The Sixth Day
TO REACH THE DINING ROOM of the Hotel Maynila one took an escalator from the lobby, descended past a waterfall flowing over a granite pseudo-cliff, and surrendered oneself to an ornately uniformed fellow to be taken to a seat. Moon was assigned to a table adjoining the swinging doors from the kitchen. He explained he needed a quieter place for a business conversation. He suggested one of a row of empty tables by the glass wall with a view out into the garden. The uniformed fellow looked skeptical but bowed and made the new assignment.
Moon sat, elbows on the tablecloth, looking into a steady tropical rain and into a jungle of tropical flowers, none of which he could identify. The incident with the maître d’ had confirmed a previous Moon conclusion. He must either get this jacket and these slacks to the cleaner and his socks, shirts, and underwear to a laundry, or say to hell with it, face reality, and fly home where it didn’t matter how he looked. The opulence that surrounded him here reinforced another decision. He had to check out of this five-star hotel, whether or not he went home. He couldn’t afford it. If he was going to play out this Don Quixote role to the end, he’d find Ricky’s apartment and move into it until someone told him where to locate the baby. Or until he got sensible and gave up, a conclusion to this affair that had come to seem tremendously appealing.
Victoria Mathias had taught her sons that being late for an appointment was inexcusably rude, an arrogant declaration that you were more important than the one you were meeting. Moon, therefore, tended to be early and thus had become skilled at waiting. He studied the menu, but saw nothing to modify his decision to order bacon and scrambled eggs. Then he unfolded the Philippine Daily Journal he’d picked up in the lobby.
The banner story concerned construction of the Imelda Marcos Children’s Hospital. A headline down the page declared that Pol Pot’s new government in Phnom Penh was establishing a “national program of reeducation” to restore Khmer values to Cambodia. Moon read every word of that. It involved Khmer Rouge troops driving hordes of civilians out of cities and towns into work camps being set up in the countryside. It sounded like a hodgepodge of rumors, mostly incredible. He turned to a follow-up story on President Ford’s request that Congress appropriate more money for weapons for South Vietnam. The writer saw no sign that Ford was twisting arms to get the funds, nor any indication that Congress would agree. From that Moon turned to refugees flee highlands. A photograph of ARVN troops crowding aboard a C-13o, knocking down civilians, accompanied the story. Moon imagined himself caught in such chaos, baby under his arm. Here he was, wasting time. And if Ricky’s child was still in Cambodia, how much time did he have? He put down the Journal and glanced at his watch. In fifty-eight seconds, Mrs. Osa van Winjgaarden would be late, as people usually were.