Allison excused herself for a moment and upon her return she handed me a leather bound journal. I ran my hands over it as if it were the Holy Grail. “I have read all of them. If you want to do this then you have some catching up to do.” Allison said with a smile. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of her standing there in the moonlight. “This is the first one it covers the war years.” Allison went on to explain apparently unaware of my staring.
“I cannot believe that I am holding this.” I gushed.
“I’m going to bed.” Allison answered with a yawn. “Stay if you like. I often come out here to read when the weather is good. There is something about the stars and the faint smell of the ocean. I find it peaceful.”
I thanked her as she went off to bed. I decided to stay and read. For the first time in my life I was not looking forward to sleeping alone. Normally I hated it when Peter and I slept together. I did not treasure the intimacy the way he did. Tonight I wanted nothing more. I wanted to lay beside Allison as we had this morning all warm and close snuggled up in the feather bead safe in her arms. I promised myself I would read for a short while than go downstairs to my apartment and sleep on my new futon. I sipped my wine and opened Haley Ballister’s journal. My heart skipped a beat as the musty scent from the pages surrounded me. I had dreamed of this moment for years. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to discover.
CHAPTER FIVE
June 10, 1862
It feels good to finally have the time to put my thoughts on paper. My old journals are forever lost since my banishment over two years ago. I am a Yankee trapped in a world that I simply do not understand. I will never return home. Home? I must learn to accept that I no longer have a home. I was a happy child living with Ma and Pa on our farm not far from Lowell. I will never utter the name of that hateful place again. The good God fearing church folk sent me away and told me that I could never return. My family made no valiant effort to save me from the disgrace. For I have shamed them in the eyes of the Lord. Now I live in another small town somewhere in Virginia. The town is called Haverstone. I am not entirely certain as to where in Virginia it is located. Haverstone is simply where I stopped. I had been traveling for so long. I walked into Haverstone as I had walked into so many towns. One looking like all of the others I have seen in my travels. I look for work but it was the same as everywhere else. I have no skills or references. I am a young girl traveling alone, which to many means one thing.
With the war there is very little work here for those who live here much less for a strange Yankee girl. I remember thinking that perhaps I should travel back North. There must be some work in New York. But I tried New York once before and the only offers I received were indecent. My first day in town had been a disappointment. When night fell I made my way to the stables. I have found that by going there late in the evening I could sometimes find an empty stall and sleep there. It was risky but I knew that I could not trust the openness of the streets. I cried myself to sleep not for the first time. I was awaken by the sight of a very large man standing over me. Fearful I tried to run but he caught me easily. I struggled to free myself. “It is all right.” He reassured me. I have heard those words from men before. The end was always the same. They would provide me with safety only if I gave myself to them. I am ashamed that I have allowed this transgression to occur.
My fortune changed when this man turned out to be different from the others. He told me of a woman who would take me in for the night and feed me. No questions asked and no payment required. I still did not trust him entirely. But the thought of a bed and food was far too tempting. I could not remember my last meal. He brought me to a grand house just outside of town. He led me around back so I would not be confused with one of the working girls. My stomach lurched as I realized where he had brought me. I assumed that he would receive some kind of payment for his new find. I had heard the women in town cackling about this place. Mrs. Moorehouse’s whorehouse. To my surprise my savoir delivered me and told me to take care and then simply left.
I turn to run out of the door when an gentle lady greeted me. Anna Moorehouse turned out to be the kindest soul I would ever meet. She took me and fed me without asking for anything in return. She only offered me a place to stay and a job as a cook. I failed terribly in the kitchen. Anna patiently tried to teach me. She made it clear that I would not become a working girl. I was no cook and I was no fool I would not live off this woman’s generosity. I needed money and it was I who offered my services to the house. Anna tried to talk me out of it. I explained that it would not be the first time I earned my way in this manner.
I was saw true sadness in the older woman’s face upon hearing these words. Finally she accepted my offer. Anna explained that if I did go to work for her in that manner that I would not be allowed to stay on. She instructed me to earn the money that I needed and then I was to go and start a new life and I was to forget this place. I quickly learned that this was Anna policy. She helped all of her girls get back on their feet and build a savings then gave them a little something extra and helped them relocate and start a new life.
Over the next few months I learned how this fine lady came to be a Madame. She was living in Savannah with her husband and child. Her husband was a doctor and her life was very proper. Until the unthinkable happened. The good doctor abandoned her and her child. Instead of receiving kindness from her neighbors she was shunned. Disgraced in the eyes of proper society. Funny her husband was a cad and yet she and her child paid the price for his misdeeds. She was left with the good doctors debts and no skills. A marked woman much like myself with nowhere to turn. Finally she sent her daughter away when she lost their modest home. Then she was turned out onto the streets and began the only trade available for a woman on her own.
Some years ago Anna’s daughter Sarah died from scarlet fever. Anna was forever grateful that young Sarah never learned of her Mother’s profession. I found myself trusting her so much. Though she never asked I told her my own story. Of how a beautiful young girl who lived from the upper levels of my town’s society, charmed me and took me to her bed. Emily and I found pleasure with one another for almost three years before our secret was revealed. Since Emily was from a good family I must have been the one who had led her down this evil road. She never defended our love or me. She lied saying that I had been the one who seduced her into committing unnatural acts. I begged her to speak the truth and tell them of our love. She turned her back on me and I was driven out of town and told never to return.
The days are slow. Saturday nights is when we really have to work. Haverstone was out of the way so Mrs. Moorehouse’s little hide away just outside of the neighboring towns was ideal for discretion. Many of the men we entertain travel in groups. I soon discovered that many of them were not really interested in coming to a whorehouse but it was what is expected of them. Men are such unusual creatures. Many of them are happy if you just sit and talk to them. They marry women for business reasons and not for love. Now they find themselves alone with no real companionship. This does not mean that they do not want me to touch them. But they so many seem to enjoy the conversation more. Of course it does not matter if they do or do not touch me. The moment they depart my chambers they are boasting to anyone who will listen about their grand exploits. Those who have no desire to converse are at least quick about their business. For this I am grateful. I have no desire to share my bed with them any longer than necessary.